Bay 12 Games Forum

"I don't speak to animals, because I'm not insane. You're not me, or my sibling, so don't call me brother. Hey, look, I spoke to you. Does that mean I'm crazy? Heh. But if you're really a version of me, then you'd think like I think. If you think like I think, then you clearly think people are animals. You're talking to an animal too. Are you insane? I don't speak to insane people. That'd make me insane. Doesn't that make you doubly insane?"

My rhetorical trickery tricks him into taking mental damage.

I commit sobaku, which is funny because "sobaka" is dog in Russian and "seppuku" is suicide in Japanese, and as is common knowledge everyone nowadays is a slavic weeb.

Sandbox

House.

Episode 6 - Sin Chronology
Synchronizing your brain with the hive mind is now easier than ever before.

---

I shrug. oh hey, a reality-bending notebook! While malefic girl is distracted by dustan hache,  I take a pen, and a pencil, and a few more pens, and some liquid gold which isn't hot. then, I use telekinesis,  and about 89 different varieties of magic hand spells,  to quickly sketch an almost-perfectly realistic picture of Spalthos Jr and Spalthos not-jr hugging, complete with crowns and the corpses of their  enemies in the background. then I make this page phase through most of the other pages in Malefic girl's notebook, resulting in the image being somewhere in the minute so she doesn't notice immediately and destroy it. lastly, I sling some fireball thing at the goose chamber, which I of course know doesn't exist, but nobody else knows i know that, so it will look to them, if they don't notice my actual action, like i wasted my action on the impossible.

Unfortunately, your plan doesn’t quite work out, since it is not the notebook that grants the Malefic Girl her abilities, but the fact that it is her art! As such, the reality bending does not come into play.

I guess my lazy ass finally woke up and crawled out of the corpse pile.
Coffee.
I need Coffee.
I don't even fucking drink coffee, but I need some right now anyways.

You crawl out of the pile, and immediately regret doing so! You cannot find any coffee in the nearby vicinity. Reality gives you a small tip - if, by chance, in a post below, a market has been mentioned, you may want to go to said market and buy coffee from it. How does it know that? It’s just a wild guess, albeit a wild guess that is most likely going to be correct. You see, reality controls reality, so it’s not much of a guess in the first place. Confused? All of us are.

I nuke someone

You nuke Kim Jong Un! Kim Jong Un’s entire Arsenal explodes, being set off by the nuke. Rest In Peace, Greater Korea.

after recovering from the second wave of rock based PTSD, go heal everyone who Isn’t the malific man, and casually show interest in the malific girl’s art. she must be fairly talented if reality itself is trying to copy her work!

You heal everyone who is not the Malefic Man. Since players lack HP and therefore cannot be healed, you end up healing the Malefic Girl by 1 HP! “H-hey, you wanna see my art? Oh, uh, sure! Here, y-you can look through my notebook, if you want!" she says, slightly weirded out but also a bit happy, and hands you her notebook. It's entirely pink, just like the way she speaks, the exact same color of her speech. On the cover, a title is printed in big and bold letters. Art. That's all it says. Intrigued, you try open the notebook.

It catches on fire. You look at the notebook, shocked, and try to open it. It ignites even harder. You drop it on the floor, despite the fires not hurting you. It burns to a crisp. You look at the Malefic Girl. "My... Art... All of it... It's... IT'S ALL... IT'S ALL... Saved on my smart phone!" she says, pulling out a smart phone from her pocket and grinning. "Ah, modern technology, truly a-" she attempts to say, but her phone suddenly catches on fire and explodes. "MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! I KNEW I SHOULD'VE UPLOADED IT TO ICLOUD WHEN THAT GOD DAMNED NOTIFICATION POPPED UP!!!! DICKS ON A SPANNER, REALLY!!??! COME ON!!!! AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!" she yells, dropping the remains of the phone on the ground and stomping on them repeatedly.

Use Counter.

You’re in a bag and currently not fighting anyone! You use Counter, but reality interprets it as countering the Malefic Girl’s action - you suddenly find yourself outside again, with a backpack, with the Malefic Girl inside your backpack.

>Point out to the GM that if I press delete with nothing selected, I don't go back a page, and I run Windows on my computer, calling out the GM for general misconceptions and incompetencies with computing, so I make myself return to the current reality page and have the Malefic Man, the Second Melefic Man, the Malefic Girl, and the El Goose Supremo deleted from existence after I select them then press Delete.

You assume that the delete key does not perform the backspace function, but then you look down at reality’s keyboard, and notice that it is, in fact, using an Apple keyboard with a Windows operating system - known for performing backspace when the delete key is pressed. Nevertheless, you attempt to select your foes, but find that in order to select them, you must drag your cursor across them. A giant cursor appears in your hand. It’s both very heavy and very slow. In order to select something, you must drag your cursor across them. You then look down at the keyboard again, and notice that every key aside from “delete” and “escape” is missing.

I shove the Malefic Man off of me and investigate the 4th dimensional hole, perhaps I can use this.

You investigate the dimensional hole. You hear faint noises coming from the the other side. Voices…? You lean in, trying to listen…

"...Nobody. I'm nobody. I'm a tramp, a bum, a hobo. I'm a boxcar, and a jug of wine. And a straight razor, if you get too close to me.

How peculiar…

" Hey, that's not true, Reality stopped King zultan from burning it, she did it to itself"
Use this argument and others to convince a group of unnamed reality benders that turning unreality to reality is a good idea

Unreality accepts your argument! As there are no reality benders here aside from you, it gives into your request and helps you merge it with reality.The Grim Reaper appears before you. "Yo. It me. Death and shit." he says, handing you a paper. The paper says "LOOK IN THE LAST SECTION OF THE LAST UPDATE IF YOU'RE CONFUSED. THERE'S A NEEDLE STUCK IN YOUR ARM. USE IT TO MAKE A HOLE IN UNREALITY." Wow, how nice of unreality to provide you with... a tiny needle? How the hell are you supposed to tear a hole in reality with this flimsy piece of shit? "Just try. Trying is, like, half the job. And the other half is actually doing it. Also, it seems you forgot about the first Malefic Man. I mean, he's right there, next to you." he pats you on the back, kicks you on the balls, and disappears in a puff of asbestos.

The first order of business, I believe, is to capture one of the Malefic Men for interrogation, so that we can figure out what is actually going on here, who "D" is, and what these bodies are for.  However, this reality is too unstable for us to create a prison that can hold a reality bender with presumably more experience than any of us.

I conceive of a highly stable imaginary universe made out of sharp, pointy crystal geodes.  Then, using my newfound power, I extrude the concentrated reality of the four-dimensional hole left over from the reality anchor implosion into a loop around the second Malefic Man and push him into the new imaginary stable pocket universe where reality bending does not work, trapping him inside a geode and leaving a four-dimensional "window" (which appears like a crystal sphere when translated into three dimensions) in this reality so we can talk to him.

You capture the Malefic Man in a universe where reality bending does not work! You can still talk to him, however, and that means you can hear him. "Hey, honey! Would you mind saving your old man's old ass?" he calls out. "How many times do you need me to-" the Malefic Girl responds, as you quickly turn around, but find that she's already gone. You're suddenly weighed down by something huge, something you can't see, pressing up against you, until you crash down and collapse onto the ground! The window suddenly cracks open, and the Malefic Man dashes out of it. You look around, trying to find what is the source of this sudden attack. This can't be the Malefic Girl, considering her notebook burned down above this post. But then, what is it? Unable to find anything, you look down at the ground. Down... at the ground...

Is that... blood? Blood, spilled everywhere on the ground? Wait a second. That's not just blood. The weight suddenly disappears, and you hop up and soar a bit to see what's this blood about. It's a pattern- No, it's... It's a picture, of you... Being weighed down by a boulder?! It looks... completely intricate, and completely realistic, and yet still somehow sloppily sketched with blood. Fresh blood. It really does look like you, exactly like you. It's like looking into a mirror. "Heh... W-well... They do say an artist has to... S-suffer for their art..." you turn around, and find the Malefic Girl on the floor, clutching onto her arm. Blood trickles down to her elbow, and drips down onto the ground, making a small puddle around her, like a miniature podium. She appears to be masking a huge cut. "B-blood, sweat, and tears, right? Hahahaha... I g-guess I'm the only one... Who t-takes that seriously, hahahahahaha!" she giggles to herself. Her face is completely emotionless. 1 damage dealt!

Plot in the shadows.

Unfortunately, reality is too broken to allow you to plot in the shadows, so it allows the shadows to plot in you. You suddenly become a vessel for the shadow gods. Your mind is basically completely bent on destruction, carnage, and chaos of every kind imaginable. What will you choose to decimate today?

Wait,  that means my animation magic is working again! No need to do anything further with it, just let the objects do the commands previously stated, over the radius prior established, with the aid hitherto mentioned.


Also, attempt to  add  a series of birds to the second Malefic  Man's arm, via means of superimposing them onto his shadow-arm via my shadow-puppet skills.

Your animation magic begins working again! The second Malefic Man is slammed over the head with a barrel, which explodes over him, opening a wound in the back of his head, and deals 2 points of damage to him. "Shit, gotta synchronize..." he says to himself as a plethora of other objects fly at him. He snaps his fingers, and you hear the distant snapping of another pair of fingers from the first Malefic Man. Suddenly, every object in a 67 foot radius adopts an elderly mentality, and collapses down on the ground, complaining about how much their bodies hurt from the collisions! The Schrödinger's unreality gun that he retroactively never shot anyone with goes into retirement. You also attempt to add a series of birds, but the birds are too busy eating prunes to be added!

Write "A picture of Malefic Girl" on the torment picture 201 times. A picture that clearly depicts me may be worth 1000 words, but if 1005 words oppose it, it is clearly wrong. Therefore, the picture is of the Malefic Girl, and she is the one flopping all over the floor in agony. She can't stop me because she grabbed a market, and therefore is too busy being crushed by the weight of the market.

I... Reality... Uhm... Broken and... Err... Yeah, I've got nothing.

The Malefic Girl is flopping all over the ground while also being crushed by an entire god damn market! Truly, this is not her day. She takes 2 points of damage! A woman comes out of the market, wearing a uniform, looking around rather confusedly at the going-ons. "I'll... Just go back inside..." she slowly says, and shuts the door. You hear the faint noises of praying emanate from within the building.

I Kick one of the Malefic men Riiiight into the malefic Girl; Therefor Causing him to hit on her, a truly disgusting tactic ain't it?

For a moment, reality switches the location to Alabama, and you're shot by a redneck with a beer bottle! Both the inaccurate stereotype and your disgusting tactic collide, cancelling each other out, as the location switches back to your previous location.

Tell that volunteer firefighter that realities burning and to do something about it, then run up to the Malefic Girl and eat her notebook then punch her in the face.

"Oh. Well, that's probably because it's a bootleg. You can't run a bootleg reality and expect it not to fry itself, eh? It is rather concerning. Let me check..." he says, and raises one finger into the air. Suddenly, a mass of energy coalesces within it, and he lowers it, sending a shock wave all around the battlefield. Fragments of reality fly at everyone, puncturing a barrel somewhere in the distance and making it explode. "Whoops. Guess it's worse than I thought." he says. "There's only one thing left to do now! Pay attention, this technique is very advanced..." you nod your head, watching what he does.

"RUN THE FUCK AWAAAAAAAAAY!!!" he yells, flailing his arms and running straight into one of the fires. You try following him, but accidentally step on one of the reality fragments, and shriek as it stabs the sole of your foot.

The Malefic Girl's notebook has already been burned! You try to punch her in the face, but she looks at you, eyes tearing, frowning, bleeding out. This is obviously a ruse of sorts, or a distraction, or some sort of technique! 1 HP. Just one punch left to go. "Y-you... Wouldn't actually kill... A 15 year old girl... R-right...?" she says, stammering, and tries to smile. For some odd reason, you just can't seem to punch her!

He considered his situation. Everyone here was a confirmed reality bender, there were many things trying to kill him and everyone else, but he apparently couldn't die and neither could the rest of the "group", and also he was still naked. And reality had given up on stability and broken completely.
He then thought. If reality could be bent, then with enough focus, time, and energy, they could be crossed, causing some greater effect than could be caused with one "turn" worth of energy. He wondered what a "turn" was. He realized that was beside the point. Theoretically, he could bend this reality to cross with another, slowly but surely. Of course, he had to have a clear goal in mind, and there was an upper limit, which he would test later. For now, he wanted some clothes, so he began gently bending reality in the direction of a dimension where he had clothes. Oddly powerful clothes.
TL;DR - CREATE THE IDEA OF LONG-TERM GOALS CAUSED BY BENDING THIS REALITY TO INTERSECT WITH ANOTHER. SLOW BUT HAS POWER. CALL THEM "TWISTS."

--TWISTS--
SUMMON CLOTHES- 1/5

OOC WARNING: I will be trying a lot of things in an attempt to better acquire the rules for bending reality. Do not try anything you see me attempt yourself, as it is possible that knowledge is individual - For instance, I wouldn't try Reality Lining if I weren't the Goose Hivemind. You could kill yourself trying to do my fancy tricks without rediscovering them yourself.

Wuh oh! Reality doesn't look charges! Just like this game, it prefers things to be done in short-but-sweet-and-very-infrequent bursts! Yes, the GM is self-aware. What a surprise.

To prevent a cataclysmic catastrophe, reality just gives you some clothes. Unfortunately, they're seven sizes too small, and make it very hard for you to breathe. Except the shoes. The shoes are big enough for your entire body to fit into them.

I offer a hand to Malefic Man, and by a hand I mean a massive fist sized meteorite.

You offer a massive fist sized meteorite to the Malefic Man! No, literally. You give it to him. "Oh? You're offering it to me...? Hmmm. Doesn't look like a trap. Doesn't smell like a trap, either. Might as well!" he shrugs, taking the meteorite.

Quote from: SingularSpades on November 30, 2018, 05:12:58 am

I offer a hand to Malefic Man, and by a hand I mean a massive fist sized meteorite.

It'sa pretty small meteorite

I mean, it's a massive fist sized meteorite. Still probably a bit small for a meteorite, but a massive fist should be a pretty average size for what people commonly associate with meteorites. How large is a massive fist? Well, it's like a fist, but more massive.

oh no we are immortal! Find health bars and steal them! The attempt to buy souls for stuff!

You are not immortal! You are simply invulnerable. It's only for the time being, my boy. But if you wish to rush it, of course, by all means! Reality hands you the Malefic Girl's health bar, placing you at around 1 HP. You try to buy a soul, but you quickly figure out that all of you are soulless.

I place a saddle on El Goose Supremo. I then place my goose on that saddle, and then ride my geese.

El Goose Supremo is an alpha goose. He smirks, as if to say, I am an alpha goose, let me demonstrate my alpha nature to you in picture form. He opens his beak, and literally speaks out an entire image. It is now embedded into your eyelids.



You suddenly understand everything.

Sudden Flood!

The entire battlefield becomes flooded! All the fires are put out! Unfortunately, everything is now underwater, which may actually be worse.

---

The players find themselves underwater! A sudden flood just hit the battlefield. There is some debris floating around, allowing you to stand semi-stably on random barrels and large chunks of concrete from torn down building. Additionally, reality seems to be more broken than ever. Water physics are just completely broken - some areas are frozen, some are just floating in mid-air. At this point, you can visibly see cracks in it. It kind of hurts your head when you concentrate on them, but you swear you can hear something emanating from within each one. You notice a small sign post floating by you, saying "13th Avenue". Looks like the name of the street. In fact, this flood caused a lot of objects of interest to emerge, which might actually be beneficial to you! Do be careful - the Malefic Man cast a spell that makes every object act cranky and unwilling to perform their tasks. What is not beneficial, however, is that somebody got the longer end of the stick.

The Second Malefic Man and the (very injured) Malefic Girl somehow found a fucking motorboat. Granted, due to the curse set on all objects in the surrounding vicinity, it doesn't really want to drive anywhere. However, there is always a way to bypass everything. "Synchronize, synchronize, synchronize!" the Malefic Man says, waiting for the perfect opportunity. "Yes!" he grins, snapping his fingers. The First Malefic Man, still stuck in unreality, does the same, at the exact same time. It seems that the Second Malefic Man is somehow getting a signal from his counterpart, and this allows him to perform advanced techniques! For example, this technique in particular gives the motorboat sentience. Since it is no longer an object, it is not in effect of either of the curses currently active.

"Whirrrr! Whirrrrrrrrr! I'm a motorboat!" the motorboat says. Rolling his eyes, the Malefic Man slams down on it. "Shush! Don't draw attention to yourself. Besides, we have things to do! Like getting the hell away from them!" he says. "Yeah, and what do I get for it, huuuuh? Heehee! Ya can't just expect me to do this for frrrrrreeeee, can you? Let's see... What's a motorboat like me want...? Hmmmmm!" the motorboat giggles. "God damn it, I'll get you anything! Fuel? A new engine? God damn it, can we do this later?!" the Malefic Man says. "YOU MADE ME THIS WAY. IT'S YOUR FAULT I EXIST. NOW GIVE ME SOMETHING TO COMPENSATE FOR MY ETERNAL SUFFERING." the motorboat screeches out in a deep and dark tone. The Malefic Man, aghast, takes a few steps back and stumbles down onto the motorboat, waiting for its answer.

For the record, the first Malefic Man is still doing fine and dandy in unreality. If anyone wants to help Rockeater, go ahead.

---

Malefic Man: 1/10 HP. Currently in unreality!
Second Malefic Man: 4/10 HP. He's got a motorboat. Wow.
Malefic Girl: N/A HP. Health bar stolen by Leodanny...?
El Goose Supremo: 31/31 HP. One hundred wing flaps per millisecond!
Leodanny: 1/5 HP. This was not a good idea.

Accept the dog and become part furry. As much as it pains me to do this, I am also kind of sad that lycanthropy in fiction has completely been subsided by fetishism when it’s actually a pretty cool concept. Also, it’s a common fact that dogs cannot be hypnotized, and I’m scared of the hypnotist two posts above of me. And by scared I mean disgusted.

Eat the dog potato mashed thingy goop.