12871
General Discussion / Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« on: November 14, 2010, 11:27:37 pm »
Looking back I went to check when I first started watching like actual anime and the whole Japanese culture jazz. I thought it was December 2008 with Baccano! and Detective Conan.
It was actually December 2009.
I seriously have no idea how I could have screwed that up. I actually watched One Piece when I was in middle school, but I don't count that because it was 4kids and I was stupid. Same goes for Pokemon and Digimon I guess.
Thinking now, I have changed a lot. I've always had a hatred of my past self and this still holds true. It seems everyday when I wake up I feel like a better person. I have no idea when this will subside. This might sound like a good thing, but having extreme loathing of oneself isn't a good thing, at all. That would be self-esteem right? Yeah, I always pull my best STRONG facade, but it's not honest with myself.
I'm trying my best in using larger vocabulary for the reading section of the SAT college thing. I'm taking it a second time in December. I am failing miserably. Not sure how to magically learn new words as I think. Guess I have to look new words up, unfortunately I have no idea what words they want me to describe in the test. This makes everything very difficult you know. Spelling is worse, just this paragraph alone I had to spell check like five words, maybe it's just a typing quirk.
I have unfortunately gotten into a habit of Duke being on Steam daily, so when he isn't I have extra time to kill I usually wouldn't have. Currently that has been on Monster and Fairy Tail, both good shows in their own right. Both anime.
Oh no.
I don't know what to think of this, as I type this I'm listening to Touhou and Vocaloids. I would usually play dumb and say I don't know anything, but I do. To be honest I frequent 4chan daily. Not just /co/ and /tg/ either, oh no. All the (work-safe) Japanese boards as well. Like /a/, /c/, /m/, /jp/ you know. It's not bile fascination either or morbid curiosity either. While yes I only lurk I go there sincerely.
What I'm saying is, in the past year of my life (December 2009 I would say), I've become a complete otaku.
Otaku.
:|
And nobody knows, I can't tell anybody. It's a sooper secret. Why am I doing this to myself.
So yes, I have worked out how to be sociable and conquer my fears of the dreaded public. Which was complete bullshit in the first place. When I first started posting here I hated humanity. HATED IT. I don't hold those fillings anymore, at all. Not a drop of me would move that way. Hating humanity is called nihilism right? Yeah, I hate nihilists now, they piss with me off. Not going to go farther with this.
I know this post is probably mangled with different things going on in my mind right now, but I can't stop. I won't stop. I'm not the most vocal person in real life if you couldn't tell already. During shop last week I checked troper tales on tvtropes and was almost completely disgusted. Besides nihilism the second most thing I hate is somebody trying their drat darnest to be unique or special. Don't ever look at the 'Brilliant But Lazy', 'Genre Savvy', or anything else that gives people the perfect opportunity to talk about how smart and savvy they are and how alone they are in "this world". I just want to read god damn anecdotes, not your life's problems.
Whatever, I'm typing this into the Happy thread reply box, but I'm going to switch it over to the Sad thread for how the general mood is.
Friday night I watched more Monster. In that show is a character by the name Wolfgang Grimmer, he is second only to Tenma. His smile may have started artificially, but I can see when it's sincere. That is the best smile I have ever seen. Last night I laid in bed listening to the World's End Dancehall thing I found, it was the chorus version with like all the vocaloids. I started to smile, I mean, why not?
Too bad the reason I'm smiling I keep secret from every person I know besides my brother, who is also an anime fan (probably thanks to me), but he's young enough to be way more open about it. He even bought manga volumes like I did.
I've always marveled at Vector's ability to get general concerns and replies in this here Sad thread. I've always had a hard time comforting somebody unless their name started with a D and ended with a e or 0 depending on who you ask. Maybe it's just because I have to get more connected with the person first.
In a more gloomy note.
I feel completely alone in this town of mine, I'm sorry for contradicting myself earlier with the (hates people how drive themselves as unique and alone in the world), however I know this is my problem. I have no spine, I know if I actually showed it I would get results.
Even worse I don't talk about my problems, maybe that's for the worse. I'm having girl trouble currently as well, but the only person that knows that is me. Until you read this, maybe Tack knows. I think he does.
To prove that if I had back bone I could get results let me tell an anecdote from last week in shop again. Browsing tvtropes after finishing my lcd counter or something one of my classmates comes up besides me.
It was my cousin who I've only actually got a friendship with in the last two years. When I was a freshmen and sophomore in school nobody really knew me, not even in shop.
I knew he was a huge fan of Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy (he played VII when it first came out as a kid and thought of it as the best game ever). He's like, "you're on this site again right yeah" it was pretty obvious. I was on the Adult Swim page when he noticed Tenchi Muyo and was like, "WOAH, I remember that haha!" He said he remember another show with a chick and a guitar on Adult Swim. And humbly I said Fooly Cooly. He was like YEAH yeah that one. He laughed a bit, I didn't really make any moves but I was surprised he knew that (even though it was on Adult Swim). He didn't really question how I knew it was Fooly Cooly, but whatever. I have told him of Dwarf Fortress and Homestuck, but he hardly cares and I don't blame him.
Very very recently I finally added two kids I'm friends with on Steam, I completely forgot about the Kamina. He noticed it was an anime avatar and nothing else, he didn't even say anything besides it was an anime avatar.
I wish he did ask.
:\
tl;dr Toony can't bring himself to tell anybody his anime love and continues to suck
It was actually December 2009.
I seriously have no idea how I could have screwed that up. I actually watched One Piece when I was in middle school, but I don't count that because it was 4kids and I was stupid. Same goes for Pokemon and Digimon I guess.
Thinking now, I have changed a lot. I've always had a hatred of my past self and this still holds true. It seems everyday when I wake up I feel like a better person. I have no idea when this will subside. This might sound like a good thing, but having extreme loathing of oneself isn't a good thing, at all. That would be self-esteem right? Yeah, I always pull my best STRONG facade, but it's not honest with myself.
I'm trying my best in using larger vocabulary for the reading section of the SAT college thing. I'm taking it a second time in December. I am failing miserably. Not sure how to magically learn new words as I think. Guess I have to look new words up, unfortunately I have no idea what words they want me to describe in the test. This makes everything very difficult you know. Spelling is worse, just this paragraph alone I had to spell check like five words, maybe it's just a typing quirk.
I have unfortunately gotten into a habit of Duke being on Steam daily, so when he isn't I have extra time to kill I usually wouldn't have. Currently that has been on Monster and Fairy Tail, both good shows in their own right. Both anime.
Oh no.
I don't know what to think of this, as I type this I'm listening to Touhou and Vocaloids. I would usually play dumb and say I don't know anything, but I do. To be honest I frequent 4chan daily. Not just /co/ and /tg/ either, oh no. All the (work-safe) Japanese boards as well. Like /a/, /c/, /m/, /jp/ you know. It's not bile fascination either or morbid curiosity either. While yes I only lurk I go there sincerely.
What I'm saying is, in the past year of my life (December 2009 I would say), I've become a complete otaku.
Otaku.
:|
And nobody knows, I can't tell anybody. It's a sooper secret. Why am I doing this to myself.
So yes, I have worked out how to be sociable and conquer my fears of the dreaded public. Which was complete bullshit in the first place. When I first started posting here I hated humanity. HATED IT. I don't hold those fillings anymore, at all. Not a drop of me would move that way. Hating humanity is called nihilism right? Yeah, I hate nihilists now, they piss with me off. Not going to go farther with this.
I know this post is probably mangled with different things going on in my mind right now, but I can't stop. I won't stop. I'm not the most vocal person in real life if you couldn't tell already. During shop last week I checked troper tales on tvtropes and was almost completely disgusted. Besides nihilism the second most thing I hate is somebody trying their drat darnest to be unique or special. Don't ever look at the 'Brilliant But Lazy', 'Genre Savvy', or anything else that gives people the perfect opportunity to talk about how smart and savvy they are and how alone they are in "this world". I just want to read god damn anecdotes, not your life's problems.
Whatever, I'm typing this into the Happy thread reply box, but I'm going to switch it over to the Sad thread for how the general mood is.
Friday night I watched more Monster. In that show is a character by the name Wolfgang Grimmer, he is second only to Tenma. His smile may have started artificially, but I can see when it's sincere. That is the best smile I have ever seen. Last night I laid in bed listening to the World's End Dancehall thing I found, it was the chorus version with like all the vocaloids. I started to smile, I mean, why not?
Too bad the reason I'm smiling I keep secret from every person I know besides my brother, who is also an anime fan (probably thanks to me), but he's young enough to be way more open about it. He even bought manga volumes like I did.
I've always marveled at Vector's ability to get general concerns and replies in this here Sad thread. I've always had a hard time comforting somebody unless their name started with a D and ended with a e or 0 depending on who you ask. Maybe it's just because I have to get more connected with the person first.
In a more gloomy note.
I feel completely alone in this town of mine, I'm sorry for contradicting myself earlier with the (hates people how drive themselves as unique and alone in the world), however I know this is my problem. I have no spine, I know if I actually showed it I would get results.
Even worse I don't talk about my problems, maybe that's for the worse. I'm having girl trouble currently as well, but the only person that knows that is me. Until you read this, maybe Tack knows. I think he does.
To prove that if I had back bone I could get results let me tell an anecdote from last week in shop again. Browsing tvtropes after finishing my lcd counter or something one of my classmates comes up besides me.
It was my cousin who I've only actually got a friendship with in the last two years. When I was a freshmen and sophomore in school nobody really knew me, not even in shop.
I knew he was a huge fan of Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy (he played VII when it first came out as a kid and thought of it as the best game ever). He's like, "you're on this site again right yeah" it was pretty obvious. I was on the Adult Swim page when he noticed Tenchi Muyo and was like, "WOAH, I remember that haha!" He said he remember another show with a chick and a guitar on Adult Swim. And humbly I said Fooly Cooly. He was like YEAH yeah that one. He laughed a bit, I didn't really make any moves but I was surprised he knew that (even though it was on Adult Swim). He didn't really question how I knew it was Fooly Cooly, but whatever. I have told him of Dwarf Fortress and Homestuck, but he hardly cares and I don't blame him.
Very very recently I finally added two kids I'm friends with on Steam, I completely forgot about the Kamina. He noticed it was an anime avatar and nothing else, he didn't even say anything besides it was an anime avatar.
I wish he did ask.
:\
tl;dr Toony can't bring himself to tell anybody his anime love and continues to suck
