The 10th Kingdom. One of my favorite movies right now. I'm going to do a film review of it, not all at once though, hah! For those they do not know, one of my first avatars before Homestuck things was the lovable trolls of The 10th Kingdom. This movie is also 8 hours long pretty much. I'm doing this in sections, totally. Anyway, on with the review! The first Part ah ho!
The cover:
Yes that is the twin towers. 9/11 be damned this movie gots balls.
Let's play this shinding.
The opening, see the twin towers? Yeah. Heh. Less images from now on.
The whole intro is just New York turning into some fantasy place, woop woop. Water and tress everywhere and stuff. Then it pans out to reveal this,
God this is going to take awhile. Oh well. It'll give me a reason to watch this again for the millionth time.
Alright, so here's the main protagonist, Virginia Lewis. She lives with here Dad, Tony Lewis. They live on the edge of the forest, I mean, central park. Her Dad only has the apartment because he works there. Virginia wants to make something of her live, but it looks impossible. Hmmmm, time for a movie, eh?
She gets her bike for her waiter job and heads to the elevator...to meet her Dad fixing it. Hehehe. He's been drinking.
He's using a screwdriver to make the elevator go down.
ADRUPT SCENE SHIFT.
AHH BIRD EATING A DEAD DUDE IN A CELL.
*ahem*
Ah, that makes sense. We're in The 4th Kingdom now. Whatever that means. Also note you will never see those time stamps again, maybe the director thought they were stupid.
A guard in the prison thinks he hears something, but it's probably nothing.
He says, "WHO'S THERE?" anyway, maybe the sneaky person would give themselves away because of his booming voice?
That dude just go TROLLED to the max. The Troll King appears to have something that makes him invisible. He also has girly pink dust that makes people fall asleep.
Totally not girly, no way. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE PINK?
Anyway, he's going to rescue his stupid 3 children again. Although, we a treated to a scene shift to The Prince and his servant dude Giles.
Excuse me, this is the last time the time stamps are used, for real. I mean seriously, 1 minute time difference? The guy was right about removing them.
A VERY happy Prince,
Giles, the dead man walking,
Prince is a whiny brat that is spoiled to death. He keeps complaining to Giles why he has to go to his step-mothers again and again. The Prince's step-mother is in prison for killing his parents and almost him. The Queen has some parole thing again and they have to reject it again for some reason. The Queen is a very evil lady that is only referred to as The Queen and any other name is useless. She is in the Snow White's prison right now, which Giles and Prince are going to.
Oh, and Prince is having a incarnation soon. Something to do with royalty. Not important right now.
Scene changing to The Troll King opening the door to his childrens' cell.
They are terrified of their Father. They know he will be very angry they got caught, AGAIN.
From left to right,
Bluebell, Blabberwort, and Burly.
Burly gets nervous and tells his Dad to take off the magic shoes, the shoes are making him invisible.
He actually takes them off.
The shoes make you drunk when you take them off, I expect the children will receive beatings like usual.
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN CHARACTERS
Tony has a drunk rant about how he has to work for scraps and gains nothing. How America's economy will shoot down like no tomorrow. This was 2000.
Virginia doesn't care at all.
Oh shit the boss just walked in. HIDE THE BEER.
I fear the child, that stare....THOSE EYES.
Boss: I have been calling this elevator for the last half hour, I thought you fixed it!
Tony: Well I did sir, but it's broken again.
Virginia leaves for her job.
The Boss told Tony to like revamp the whole apartment complex with a toothbrush. Tony is also very angry.
BACK TO THE TROLLS
The Trolls make there way out of the prison, but The Queen uses the force and calls The Troll King towards her. He is pretty weak-minded.
Maybe he wants to do the sex a sex. He smiles when he hears her.
BACK TO GILES AND PRINCE
Prince is very happy they finally arrived.
BACK TO THE TROLLS
Against the younger trolls protests, Troll King makes his way to The Queen. He opens the window thing on the door and peers inside.
*cue scary music*
BACK TO PRINCE
Giles went into the prison by himself. Prince waits, but gets impatient and walks in.
Sign on the door for funny.
OH GOD GILES IS DEAD THE DAGGERS ON THE WALL KILLED HIM AND THE DOOR LOCKED AND PRINCE IS BY HIMSELF AHHHHH
8/417 minutes complete so farMore tomorrow. I just want to get the intro out of the way first. Comment, but don't spoil!
