Bay 12 Games Forum

I knew Leafsnail was an adbot in disguise.

So the main character in Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Nozomu, has the same voice actor as Shinji Matou.  Dammit Hiroshi Kamiya.  Why do you play with my heart.  I knew I liked him immediately for no reason because HE'S SHINJI-BAKA.

:D

Let me finish my post argh.

Let me rephrase that.  No I think I should do what I enjoy on my off-time.  As I read in Fate/zero, a person who "does what he needs to" instead of "does what he wants to" is just a machine.

Also, episode 2 of Mirai Nikki was great.  Even if asread's animation is wonky sometimes
It's still pretty awesome.

EDIT: I'm going to have to retake calc 2 because I missed a midterm and there is no real hope of me passing now, I am very upset, this is a major waste of money.

Isn't college so much fun.

I am a very greedy, selfish, arrogant person.

I will never be satisfied.  Nothing is good enough.  I'm afraid I'll reach the end of my life before I achieve what I actually "want" or "desire" or "need".

Which is, what, exactly?  Omnipotence?  Omniscience?  Omnipresence?  Omnibenevolence?

How did I end up like this in the first place.  Everybody around me seems content by such simplicity.  My brother will play cheap gimmicky flash games on the computer over and over and over again while watching horrible TERRIBLE Disney channel sitcoms.  My Mother will watch American's Got Talent on the television.  My step-Dad will sleep on the couch like nothing.  My Grandmother will watch the newest Soap Opera episode.  Most of this involves that comatosing TV.

How could they do that.  Does that actually please them?  I can't sit through it.  I can't sit there and press the same button over in over in some hack-in-slash flash game or sit on a sofa's cushion and watch 20 minutes of commercials with 10 minutes of boring, lackluster dialogue that's soooooooo uninteresting.

I am a very ignorant person.

During all of this snobbishness I am completely unable to see why I am so unhappy most of the time.  It is because nothing is what I want it to be.  Everything must be perfect, yes.  Perfect how?  Everything must satisfy me because I am a very greedy, selfish, and arrogant person.  All of the avarice.

Omniscience.  I want to know everything and experience everything.  I want to comprehend the most sophisticated logic.  I want to be able to use everything correctly and perfectly.  I want to be able to spell comprehend correctly without a damn spell checker.

Omnipotent.  I have no use for power.  Why did I list this.  We'll just call this immortality then.  I want to live forever.

Yes.

Live forever.

If I ever get bored then I will cut myself into pieces to fit into a drain pipe.  Promise.  Time is my enemy.  Time is human-made to my ignorant mind.  Time must be controlled with omnipotence.

Omnipresence.  I must be everywhere.  That includes fictional settings because FUCK YEAH omnipresence.  I am the bed I sleep on.  This is getting silly.

Omnibenevolence.  Okay this is really getting silly.  Let me slide back on track...

Asking that everybody conform to my whims is obviously not something I can do and it is selfish etc etc so what I am asking myself now here (because nobody is reading this) is well, what?  Live with it.  Live with my current personality and rooooooooll.  I don't feel intelligent but I want to be.

And I don't mean, "Oh I can do Maths and Sciences I'm soooooooo smart"  or "I understand why Hamlet was a douche bag or I KNOW ALL THE BATTLES THAT TOOK PLACE IN WORLD WAR II" because to be honest that's not really impressive.

To like you (or myself) as a person I want to know you and how you think.  I don't care about your abilities or skills I just want to understand what you think, how you think, what you enjoy, what you want to get better at, why or how you did something, why AREN'T you doing something.  Question of the day my friends.

---

Well.  I'm low on content now.  Trying to act like I don't even know.  I don't even know.  Why am I like this.  Why am I me?  How did I end up here.  Why a I doing a lot of stuff that's against my feelings and how do I fix this?  There's a lot of problems to sort out and not enough time.  There's never enough time you need to know that.  There is

never

enough

time.

You have enough time in the world?  Not enough for me.  I hate that I can die.  I hate it and I love it.  If I were to die right now then it would all be over for me.  There would be nothing.  Why is it that I believe that?!  If I look at it like I'm a biological creature then there can't possibly be anything on the "other side" in fact there's no side at all!  I'm a pretentious bastard.  When you die there is nothing.  You won't be able to experience or feel anything because you are gone.  You and I aren't here anymore.  Why do I believe this?!  It makes me so sad.  I don't want it to be true.

But then.  If they let's say had a 'happy hormone' that they put into your body to make you feel eternal bliss.  What would that be?!  What would that be?!  The fact that I'm here right now pisses me off!  Why am I here when I can't even do anything!  If I looked at this like I was a biological creature than it was because I was conceived by my Father and Mother.  But that's so dull!  That's stupid!  Why do I have to live a life like this.  Why can't I do everything.  Why don't I have enough time.

Why can't I learn everything...why can't I be smart.  Why can't I express myself.

---

"Entertainment is ignoring reality!"  I hear this sometimes.  A lot from myself as well in the past.

Well.  What about this, "Working is being in reality."

If entertainment is suppose to be ignoring reality, then is serious business and working suppose to be reality?  In that case, that's so fucking stupid.  "Working" is what common people use for anything they have to exert effort on that they don't want to.  This is how playing video games can go from FUN to A CHORE.  A chore is work by the way.  Going to school is "work" for me because I'm putting a lot of effort in and out of class that I wouldn't be doing otherwise.

Do what you believe is right.  It's hard to judge morals impartially so as an ignorant individual I say just do what sees fit.

Which brings me back to another common complaint I have...

College.  I had to get a lot of money for this.  A lot of groups are backing me on this.  There's a lot of investment here.

I'M TRAPPED

I can't leave.  I'll forever be pursuing education, which is good right?  THAT'S MY SELFISH PART

I'M SELFISH I DON'T WANT TO BE PUT UNDER ALL THIS PRESSURE

I never say this to anybody but an online forum full of strangers sounds like the best place.

---

Speaking of forums!

I'm not sure what happened here.  I'm scared of everybody.  I hide in the anime thread and poke my head out into the sad and happy thread.  I have already fled from my own MSPA thread.  It's scary.  I'm scared.  I'm abusive.  I'm obsessive.  I'm compulsive.  I'm jealous and envious of other forumites.  I hate at least twelve user's personalities but I'm not the kind of person to start an argument or ask for help.  Instead I make long posts weekly desperately seeking for reconciliation and completely ignoring what should be self-improvement and strong-will.

I don't know myself.  I'm young and I'll never know myself.  My career choices are arbitrary and I'm selfish and nothing interests me.  I'm weak and timid, cowardly and obnoxious.  I look on others in disgust ignoring my own faults.  If somebody responds to this I won't feel happy and if nobody does I'll feel lonely.  What the hell is this.  This sucks.  Why did I even bother typing this?  :[

---

This all feels really pointless, life I mean.  I really do feel like the end of my existence would change nothing and my nonexistent self would just be happier that way.  No amount I time I can spend will make me be able to express myself fully.  No time.  None.  Any post I make is incomplete and faulty.  Defective.

I sleep in silence tonight.

I'm liking Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei so far.
This might be the first Shaft work I'm actually going to enjoy while watching it.

After the three seasons and whatever I'll need to see the source manga as well of course.

EDIT:


squeee

Also, one of the signs said "sea cats".  Just saying.  Freakin' Umineko man.  The references in the background (and foreground as this shows) are mind blowing.

I feel pretty good about the math exam I just took.  Studying does pay off!  I got around a 70 hopefully from my calculations.  Which is like a B to my professor.

Spontaneous scheduling has always worked better for me.

"Hey let's do this guys RIGHT NOW."
"Okay."