9656
« on: April 24, 2011, 05:41:06 pm »
I suppose now is a good time to relate to Vector and share my troubles growing up as well.
It may not be as severe, but back in elementary school around the grades 3th to 4th I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome by a doctor or whoever. It was plainly clear that this was true and I was always alone during my time at school and I was causing a lot of problems, being sent to the Principal's office and the whole deal. I've actually shut those memories away so it's hard to remember exactly what I did. Although I remember spitting at a teacher and getting my head stuck in a chair, yeah. Then sometime during 5th grade my teachers and parents thought it would be best if I went to a special school until I could get better. I have no idea what you would call that kind of school, but I transferred to it from 5th to half way through 7th grade.
When I first started going to this new school I was still a brat I think, I really don't remember. However what I do remember is if you caused trouble they would put you in a small room with a line and a single door. You were to stay behind that line until you got better. If you banged on the door and acted rowdy they would open the door and pin you to the ground. I might be making it sound worse than it actually was, but I don't know. I remember trying to run away one day before being found by a cop and taken back to the box for who knows how long.
I think around 6th grade I got better though. I was in the box less and I started to develop a perfectionist attitude that wanted "to be the greatest at everything". I would do every assignment handed to me and that behavior trait still rests in me to this day. It's probably the only thing I'm grateful for. Another trait I got was being unable to accept failure and my guilt and anxiety WENT THROUGH THE ROOF. I didn't start getting over that until at least 11th grade. So by 7th grade I was deemed fit back into society and sent to my public middle school, boy was that gonna be tough.
In my new public middle school I actually had to face reality. In the other special school there was probably 40 kids top in my grade. Now there had to be 200. And they were public kids man. This was were I started growing a hatred for humanity that's gone now because I've realized the truth. Back then I hated kids because I worked so hard and nobody else "seemed to be doing anything." And since my Aspergers was really bad back then I had no friends. I had no friends until the last two years. No friends. No friends. I feel really sad saying that but I want to share now that Vector is speaking so sincerely.
All in all, my childhood was really really sad and lonely. And it didn't change for the better until I changed myself. I don't know whether to thank that special school or not because I have no idea what would have happened if I wasn't "controlled".
It's really complex and I can't explain it though. My feelings have felt numb for awhile. Thanks for reading.
