21
« on: December 19, 2008, 09:05:24 pm »
I went out Christmas shopping today for my son, and found a toy that in all honesty, was iconic of my childhood and I suspect a great many others. At first I was overjoyed, and who wouldn't be at finding something of such immense sentimental value? It wasn't until several hours later, sitting alone as my wife coaxed my son into going to sleep, that I came to realize why I came to value this toy so very, very much.
the world I grew up in was one of transformers and go-bots, a world where the heroes won at the end of the day so that children like myself could sleep feeling safe that night. It was a world where even the villains who seemed so terrible at the time had limits beyond which they would not tread. In short, it was a world of imagination, warmth, and endless possibility. Everything a child could ask for.
However, as I looked around with my instinctive need to compare and contrast everything... I find it to be a vastly different world from the one which I now inhabit. Mine is now a bitter place, cold, unappreciative of creative thought, and where the monsters have no limit to how far they will go to obtain what they desire. I find it heartbreaking to consider what I and so many others have given up without thought in our pursuit of... what? I look around and for my life I cannot see what it is we have been racing toward, what I see others running for still. Maybe we didn't understand the value of what we were discarding... looking back now I can say I certainly did not. But how could we when we had not yet been introduced to this world where violence is pervasive and death common place?
I find in my son an opportunity that I have desired for years, and never dared speak of. I have an opportunity to go back. And even faced with the opportunity, I find myself frightened by it. I have no wish to bring my cold world of misery to him any sooner than I must. I know he'll seek it out on his own in due time, as I did. Just as I know he'll not truly understand what it is he sacrifices, as I did not. But if I try to go to that perfect world with my son, it's inevitable that the world I live in will follow. So I don't dare go back, honestly, and that is perhaps the saddest thought of all.
I just don't understand... how we gave it all away so easily, so foolishly... and we never even thought to ask for anything in return.