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Giant cave spider stories thread?

My first run-in with a giant cave spider actually saw me walking away unscathed. I was a marksdwarf, and I was tasked to infiltrate a cave to kill a minotaur. What they didn't tell me was that the place was crawling with giant cave spiders. I had read the wiki, and when I snuck up on two of them standing side-by-side, I got the hell out of there and tried a different path. Oh, it's a cave swallowman. I tried shooting him from cover, but both shots missed him, AND the giant mole behind him, and both ran through a GCS at the end of the corridor! Both shots pierced the brain and heart, and it quickly died. I was quite proud to have slain the beast, but my quarry was still alive. I decided to run up and beat him down with my crossbow, then strangle him to death.

Feeling emboldened by my kills, I decided to fight against the next GCS I encountered. I didn't expect it to suddenly run up on me and blow my cover, but I fired a bolt anyway. Glance. It shot a web at me, but it didn't hit. I ran behind the bend and started hiding again, and fired a few more shots. Same thing as last time! Brain and heart pierced, bled to death. Now feeling quite invincible, I continued my trek down the cave, when I found yet another CGS. You see, I had forgotten to go stealth, so it immediately shot a web at me. I didn't think much of it. That is, until my screen suddenly filled up with purple messages. My third encounter with a GCS finally did me in, but I still felt pretty good about killing those other two.

Well, I recently sited a fortress in a rather dangerous area, and decided to come prepared: I had dozens of caskets built and placed, ready to receive the many eager (and stupid) dwarves that are sure to die these coming years. So, I lost a few dwarves in, um...an unfortunate magma-spilling accident, and once the dust had settled, I had several burning workshops (which mysteriously continue to work) and XXdwarf bonesXX scattered around. The caskets, which were spared from the horrible onslaught, were immediately assigned to the dwarves who bravely ran knee-deep in magma to save the food stores, and so the surviving dwarves scurry down underground to lay them to rest. However, try as they might, the poor fools can't seem to get the job done. Two dwarves worth of bones and one skull survived immersion in molten rock, but for some reason, every time they go to pick up the remains, I get spammed with "Urist McDwarf cancels Place Item in Tomb: Job Item Misplaced!" So, to avoid the spam, I turned off all job cancellation announcements.

I couldn't imagine why this happens, but in spite of the dwarves trying and failing to bury the dearly departed every few seconds, it doesn't seem to affect the efficiency of the fortress. They've even managed to bury dwarves who've died of other, unrelated (well...) causes.

So now that I have job cancellations turned off, I'll never find out about incidental fire man attacks until it's too late. But that's ok. This bloody fire man may have been able to kill two dwarves, earning him the name Hairytalons (don't ask), but a war dog pounced him and nearly ripped him to pieces before burning to death. The brave dog must've known it was going to die...they fell right into the volcano, tangling all the way down! The dog was incinerated, but it did manage to take a leg with it. Considerably slowed by this injury, the fiend has been unable to catch a dwarf with its fire breath, and I recently recruited a hunter to take it down. Helpless as it was, the marksdwarf made mincemeat...or mince-ashes of it.

I have no idea why I decided to share this story with you. Oh well, I'm sure there will be many more such epic tales in the future. There are no more fire men on the unit list, but there is a magma man and a couple fire imps. However, three fire imps died in a mysterious cave-in as soon as the dwarves arrived on the map. Bizarre!

[ May 31, 2008: Message edited by: Ingish Anan ]

To get rid of those hauling jobs, you can forbid the items in the depot by dragging out a forbid designation (d -> f). The dwarves won't touch forbidden items for any reason. It's also a good idea to disable hauling for anyone who does important stuff. Planters can still haul, as well as woodcutters when there are no cutting jobs. But make sure your masons, miners, cooks, smiths, etc, are not hauling stuff around. You can live with a cluttered fortress as long as you've got repeating jobs to clear it out.

And I don't think you have to worry about the elves. To my knowledge, they won't attack if a few caravans get lost. In fact, I don't think they (or humans) will attack at all in this version.

Ok, I've got the strangest problem. My fortress, Daggershields, is positively rich with minerals. Our wealth skyrocketed in the first year due to huge ore deposits and platinum veins, when goblins began sieging my poor fortress in early spring of its second year. Having zero defenses, I sent all my dwarves inside and walled up the only entrance. The goblin force spent a month standing around twiddling their thumbs at the edge of the map, and quietly left. Satisfied that all was well, I opened a hole in the wall and fortress activities continued as usual.

And so began the strangest and most effective siege defense I've ever known. I'm in winter of year 3 and I've come under siege three times since then. That's twice yearly! Daggershields would be toast if it weren't for the fact that the invaders simply stand around on the edge of the map for the entire siege, even when the entrance isn't walled up. Even though they've never made an effort to even attack my fort, the goblins act like I've repelled their sieges normally and bring stronger and stronger forces. Their ruler, an evil human axelord, actually joined them in their last siege!

First of all, my fortress has 32 dwarves as of 26th Opal. The first siege was after the first wave of migrants (20). Isn't this a bit...unusual? I must be close to a goblin civilization. And here's something else I'm wondering. Why can't the invaders reach my fortress? It's not like I mind, but it's very weird when they are coming from all sides, and I know they all have a clear path to my front door (it's no longer walled up).

And finally, the dwarven caravan hasn't come since the first autumn. Is this normal? That's two years in which they haven't come and it's getting me worried. I really need an anvil (for some reason they didn't have one the first time around). I'm considering building a road for the human caravan, but I'm worried that this might somehow clue the goblins in on where they're supposed to go for sieges. This is my most prosperous fortress ever, I'd hate to lose it because the goblins out here are extra mean.