Bay 12 Games Forum

The Big Lebowski.

This Farnsworth quote springs to mind

"You see, Vergon 6 hell was once filled with a super-dense substance known as dark matter slade, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds."

Dear Urists,

I know you think the danger room is cool, but just... hanging out in there isn't a very good idea. You're not wearing any armor, and it is called the danger room for a reason. OK, I get that when you have No Job you like to hang out with your cool soldier buddies, but they're too busy being Legendary to socialize.

PLEASE just... go to the meeting hall when you have spare time. There's free booze and pretty statues. Your pets, babies, and organs will thank you. Because they won't be perforated.

Regards,
Snappy

P.S. Dear Urist McCleaner: It's an equally bad idea to attempt to clean the blood off the repeating spikes while they are in operation. I know it's the blood of your own firstborn child, but try to wait unil the regularly scheduled downtime.

Hokay, so, it turns out I don't know how to tame animals. I select "Tame a Large Animal" from the kennel and it gives me a cursor... but moving it over anything reverts it to the "q" cursor. If I'm careful and get it away from everything without touching a building, it just says "No buildings nearby." Can someone explain this to me? Do I need to have an eligible, uncaged animal within spitting distance of the kennel?

Not necessarily the worst injury but kind of funny...

While fighting a human siege, two of my Axe Lords were mauled by war Giant Lions. One lost his right arm at the shoulder, the other his left. I don't think they ever even bothered with the hospital (except Lefty went to get sutures for a cut on his LEG), they just finished the fight and went back to sparring in the danger room.

I can just see that hospital visit...

URIST McLEFTY: Stitch up me leg, doc.
DOC: But... your arm's off.
URIST McLEFTY: Giant lion took it.
DOC: Did you recover it? I might be able to --
URIST McLEFTY: Wasn't much left after I pried it from his jaws and beat him to death with it.
DOC: ...just the leg, then?

Goblins riding the Gnu C Compiler would seriously freak me out.

I tried training war animals (got no such animal message) but that's probably doing it wrong. I'll try taming them tonight. Failing that, I'll either pit them for axe practice or dump them in the volcano with their masters.

Population ~60. Fort is starting to thrive. Getting a decent bronze industry running (haven't found the flux yet). Two full squads of useless migrants putting on pieces of bronze armor, straight from the forge (ow?). Suddenly: An ambush! Curse them! x2. That's fine, I think to myself. I'll just dump them in my magma moat when they go to cross the drawbridge. At worst I'll have to seal off until the weapons/armor are finished.

I look around for the drawbridge lever... Uh oh.

Having forgotten to actually connect my drawbridge to anything (titular facepalm), I activate my half-armed, half-armored immigrant squads and send them to intercept the gobbos on the drawbridge. They are slaughtered to a dwarf without inflicting any casualties on the invaders, who gleefully swarm into my fort and start doing their thang. Uh oh.

I draft my two legendary miners (who were married last season) into my now-empty military. A satisfying level of carnage ensues and the goblins are obliterated. Tragically, only one of the miners survives. She mourns the death of her husband. Population ~35.

I start cleaning up the mess. Morale is low. The legendary feast hall and dormitory don't seem to be cutting it. The armorer goes melancholy (sadface). The carpenter tantrums, killing my weaponsmith (!!) and mason. I dump him in the volcano. As the only one with any experience fighting, I appoint the heroic miner as my militia commander, in the hopes that her badassery will rub off on the new migrants/recruits that just arrived. A perfectly logical decision. Except in hindsight, it may have been too soon. Which I realized when she berserked. Uh oh.

I'll leave what followed mostly to the imagination. Ok, I won't. She proceeded to slaughter every living thing she saw with a ¤Bronze Battle Axe¤. Chunks everywhere. It was a mess. Finally, her rampage was ended by one of her former students, who punched her brain out through her skull. Population: five (FIVE!!) miserable dwarves. O_O

I abandoned soon after that. Lesson learned: test traps of fiery doom BEFORE you need them. Also: have a plan B that doesn't involve suicide squads? Also: don't give your best combat gear to someone who is on the edge? I guess those are all good tips for life in general.