Bay 12 Games Forum

Shh shh, if we don't acknowledge other m it can't hurt us.

Just.. don't... look... behind you...

Quote

I was driving to my weekly ping pong club get-together

This is wholesome AF

It was a very good day. I got some tutoring on how to serve more properly by one of the older players, and I got to try it out against an 8 year old kid, one of those Japanese kids whose parents really push them to succeed and get good at things at a young age, and he's a little marvel at ping pong. I managed to win one game off him before we had to pack up. It was a lot of fun, it's too bad I don't get to play more often in the week.

I had a REALLY close call on the road today. I was driving to my weekly ping pong club get-together, and it was starting to rain fairly hard. I had a car in front of me, and I thought I had a good idea of where he was in relation to the next stop light, and therefore where he would be stopping. The mistake is that I misjudged how many cars were in front of THAT car, and therefore he wound up stopping much earlier than I thought, and I had to slam by brakes because my approximation of safe speed was WAY WRONG AND I WAS GOING WAY TOO FAST. This, combined with the rainy road, meant I was skidding helplessly at the car in front of me. As a last ditch measure, I twisted the wheel all the way to the left to try to spin my car, and shorten the striking distance of my car; turns out this was a bad idea as my car didn't spin enough to do that, but it did spin enough to put the rear of my car into the next lane and turn me into a fucking road hazard. It was all I could think to do at the time.

FORTUNATELY my habit of putting a lot of room between me and the next nearest car finally paid off, and my skidding only carried me to within arms reach distance of the car in front of me. Once the light turned green, I meekly straightened myself out and progressed to my destination at a much more cautious speed.

In hindsight, I probably could have slowed down enough to do an emergency lane change into the slower lane, which had fewer cars in it; I wasn't calm or rational enough though, and I didn't have enough time to check my mirrors.

The happy was that I averted an accident just narrowly, and that I really wasn't that upset about it afterwards. Usually any near miss turns me into a nervous wreck, but I feel my psyche remained intact afterwards and I was able to enjoy my ping ponging without an overwhelming sense of guilt.

I would hypothesize that the country a person lives in is the strongest determinant to the likelihood of any given person being overweight or not. Unless the industry a person works in requires a certain body type, the place they live is deciding the likelihood of them being thin or fat. Every other consideration seems insignificant in comparison.

Each country has its own food and work culture, and the food industries present in each country are the ones deciding what is actually in each person's diet. The U.S. famously has the shittiest end of this stick, but even that varies depending on where in the U.S. is being considered, as each state is basically its own small country.

I made the mistake of looking up face reveals for Vtubers, and while I can't vouch for the accuracy of the video I got, I should have foreseen that it would lead to some mixed emotions. I mean, OF COURSE the faces behind the Japanese Hololive girls reveal ordinary, stereotypical Japanese women behind the avatars. Then you get ones like Gura or Kiara, who are even more interesting than their own avatars.

Overall, I feel like I shouldn't have, and I let my curiosity get the better of me.

Just think, if this guy's dream can come true, anybody's can.

I've been having some anxiety for the last few days, just an intangible sense of anxiety and guilt. I have a recurring intrusive thought of just wanting someone to just beat the shit out of me, just batter me bloody and senseless, so that I can bleed out the sense of guilt inside of me.

Today I was carting around my Mom and Sister, missed a turn, and went towards a parking lot to turn around. There was an oncoming car, but I thought "Fuck it" and just dove into the parking lot. It wasn't a close call, but it was certainly much riskier than that situation needed to be. It was perhaps the very last second where I could have turned safely, and I did it much more quickly and impulsively than was necessary. Now my sense of guilt has something tangible to latch onto, cause it's true that that was bad on my part, we could've been hurt, victimized by one of my shitty stupid mistakes that I seem compelled to make nearly every day now.

(EDIT: Driving really is the source of so much of my anxiety. I'm constantly trying to stay relaxed, but the very moment that something even remotely scary happens, my mind latches onto it and refuses to let go. Somebody flashed their brights behind me? What for? Time for my heart to start pumping hard. My sister open up the window unexpectedly and a gust of cold wind makes me jump very slightly? Time to beat myself up for not keeping my cool. Just anything going wrong at all, even if nothing went wrong, or the experience was purely subjective in nature, gets ballooned out of proportion by the fact that it occurred in a potentially lethal situation, and my mind lets me know and tortures me for it.)

Anyway, that's my sad post. I've been doing pretty good lately, factually speaking, in a purely objective sense I'm doing fine. I just wanted to write about this feeling, to hopefully exorcise it before I subconsciously self-sabotage myself again.