Unless of course you died and didn't get this message, in which case you/I probs fucked up mortally along the way, and I'm sorry for my part in that. Maybe you can invent a ghost time machine, and haunt me instead? Whatever works, and doesn't violate causality (though wink wink some heads up about my impending demise would be super appreciated just saying).
Anyway, I trust you've been good to yourself this past year, and all that? Better have been, or you can consider yourself Firmly Chewed Out by moi. One step at a time, whatever can be managed... but don't fuckin' settle! Appreciate what's good, but recognize when things can get better. Keep finding the courage to fight the good fight! Don't give in to despair in it's various forms! Keep finding the sort of people you want to have in your life! Maintain the relationships that are good and meaningful to you! Keep moving toward those goals! Ganbatte yo~!
Speaking of which, maybe take a minute to think about whatever Your new goals are, in light of some of the things I've been aiming for back here circa '16/'17:
1) Did you ever get around to telling your Step-Dad how much you love and appreciate him, and what he does and did for the family? Same goes for your Mom, what you learned from her, and how you appreciate her personal sacrifices raising you and your sibs as a single parent. Same for your Grandfather. We all have limited time on this planet, some more than others, and barring Mum's miraculous recovery from health issues or surprise organ transplants... yeah. Be mindful, okay? Be present with them. Make use of the time you have, and speak from the heart. Also, fate willing, you've got a niece by now. I hope they're strong and healthy and happy, as are their parents. Oh! And did you pick out a title to use? I hope it's a good one; I've got no ideas right now, so GOOD FUCKIN' LUCK.
2) Speaking of titles, did you ever get that Trans / Genderqueer Situation worked out with the rest of your family and friends, too? You found a good nickname, or changed any bits of your name? Have you, praytell, gone full time? Or at least, have you figured out how you want to identify with folks, pronoun-wise and in appearance, etc, and started doing the silly "They/She/Whatever" thing on Social Media? Also, have you found the time and the words, to help them understand that part of who you are, to the extent that it matters to them/you? I hope so. And I hope it hasn't cost you what I'm afraid it might. So far, you've only had one negative experience out of the lot of them, and had chats with a handful of folks who are having trouble with new pronouns; hope those are better, or at least that the new incidents are minimal. Whatever the case, I hope that getting that out in the open with everyone makes life easier. You've lived behind plenty of masks, and been what people wanted you to be in so many arenas of life... but you've always felt better after setting those aside. I hope this has been the same. I'll assume you're there a year in the future, wishing me courage, Future Self! Also speaking of Trans Stuff... you got your bases covered there? You been serious about your vocal practice, and found a comfortable speaking voice? Y'all got your wardrobe situation all set? Have you figured out how to Queer Fashion and/or pull of some kinda Femme Non-Binary business? Oh, and did you get a dang insurance situation squared, so you can get an Endocrinologist yet? Doing your own bloodwork and paying extra for HRT is silly.
3) How's work, creative projects, and making a living been? Has the income situation gotten any better? Have you given up on contract work and gotten back to the safety of hourly? Are you maybe making any money off any Personal Projects yet? Right now, I'm sitting on the skills, material, and prototypes to make into several reasonably competent if questionably-marketable game projects; most aren't the sort of thing you'd finish in a year, but maybe you've got one in particular you're working on? Oh, and I hope you kept working on music composition too! I fully expect you to have written at least several tunes songs that are several minutes in length, and which you're proud of! Remember, less cluttered continuous slap-on-more-layers muddiness; more phrases, white space, and progression. Were you able to make a website for hosting your games and quests and music and portfolio-type stuff at too? And have you been getting better at Social Media Presence, and all that fun garbage? If you want to turn this interest into a way to help sustain yourself, you've got to consider these things! You already know that, but if you've forgotten, here's a reminder! (Heck, go post about how your Past Self gave you a pep talk on Twitter or something).
4) Is Ashwood Cross still chugging along? If so, congrats on a slightly-belated 1 year anniversary! That's the longest you'll ever have stuck with a project of this type, so good work if so! For reference, I just finished up the first scene with Maria!Hana at the clinic... Update 8 I think? Hope that number is much bigger; it's been a fun ride for the month so it's been running, and folks seem to be enjoying it. Did you find a good Mirror/Hosting solution for it, or blend it with the personal/creative website like I'm thinking of doing? I hope it hasn't gotten too hard to keep up with; I know I'm nervous about what direction to take, and in being able to tell a worthwhile story in a public setting... but I hope you've risen to that challenge, and grown as a storyteller and content-creator because of it!
5) How's interpersonal stuff going? Meet any new friends? Enrich current friendships, or rebuild bridges with any of the distant folks who are still important to you? Do any fun Hangouts in Meatspace lately? Have you, perhaps, met anyone awesome that you wanted to daaaaaaaaate? Or are you still feelin' burned out, like I kinda am? I'm sorry to sound like your Mom or Grandma circa High School, but I'm just curious, and/or want to make you reflect! Here's to hoping that you're happy and fulfilled, with plenty of good people around you to enrich your life with memes, comradery, good chat, interesting things to share, general support, and love. These things are important to me, and no doubt they're still important to you too; keep seeking them out! And be sure to keep enriching the relationships you have and want to keep. *resolute nod*
6) OH! And lastly, did you ever get a dang Moped or Bike or something, and get that licensing situation squared away? I fucking want a dumb bike that I can use to get around on the cheap, even if it has limited storage and isn't highway-appropriate. If you don't still want one of those, then what the hell is wrong with you! Clearly you have had your soul crushed by something. Or maybe you just absconded to somewhere with reasonable public transportation, like Ann Arbor, or Montreal! But in any case, if you don't have one, start saving up. A future without a fun stupid motorized bike to ride is not a future I want to live in, so get on that shit!
I'd ask you to tell me all about them, but unfortunately I can't hear you. I don't exist anymore, in your temporal reference frame. But go ahead and tell yourself about these things! It's a good way of being mindful! Anyway, I hope the start of your 3rd decade on Earth has been highly groovy, and full of a mix of challenge, positive growth, and good times. Much love to you, Future Me, and the best of luck to you in the coming year!
Many hearts,
D.
