Bay 12 Games Forum

Oh that's interesting!  I happened to dream about that last night, I was cleaning up some clutter with a friend but none of my lights would turn on, except about 10% of the time.  Neither of us really minded the gloom but I was trying to be normal and a good host.

I guess the dream I came here to share was also about trying to act allistic...

---

I was living at dad's beach house with him and my brother.  This was back in the internet security days, except brother was working with us too.  There was a big social party (there was always so much... networking, haha, in that job).

Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro were in attendance.  Dad technically didn't like them but he's a lib, and they were guests.  I was in a nice femme outfit, maybe even passing, and really wanted to get a selfie with them to show off online (to mock them by associating them with a tran...s person like me).  But brother stopped me, insisting that it was against the law somehow, they had lawyers and protections.  I said "But they're in my home! [I do have value here, right?]" and he just offered sympathy for my naivety.  He didn't have my back. (He was always better at socializing, and often had to help me with social rules because I was autistic!!!)

I isolated myself to avoid making a scene, passing through a network of bathrooms and changing rooms in the basement.  I kept plotting but I knew I wouldn't actually do anything.  I had to try to behave well, obediently, to make up for all my social mistakes.

As I returned upstairs, calmer, I heard my dad talking about trans people as a dying trend.  "Do you know any trans people?  I don't." he said.  I blacked out from frustration.

I woke up in a chair behind him and brother.  They were working on a web threat together.  I saw they could use my help.  I wanted to help them, but I was still in so much pain and they didn't see me.  I started sobbing, as quietly as I could, yet wanting them to hear.  They didn't.  I looked at the web threat and my mind shifted to be more analytical, less social.  This ruined the last of my "filters" which translate my thoughts for normal people.

I started rambling despite myself.  Usually I transcribe or echoing an inner voice I've scanned for mistakes[notions which upset people].  Instead I was just speaking.  Purely in metaphors and references.  They didn't understand a word.  They didn't know me.

That really is the correct answer though!  The entire scale is based off, as fricken usual, trying to work out wtf subjective measurement these strangers had in mind when they constructed the system.

Such as figuring out the rules like "don't say 10"

Had a pleasant visit with a new endocrinologist.  I've been anxious about it, but they signaled acceptance in a lot of ways and I relaxed and was honest, and honestly learned some things.  It was a huge relief.

Afterwards I sat in the waiting room and finished the intake form.  Got to the questions about anxiety, thoughts of self-harm, supportive friends and supportive family
Suddenly had a really bad "allergy", liquid was streaming from my eyes and nose.  I was quiet and masked but someone still noticed and brought me a box of tissues.  Very kind of them.

My partner suggested I get ice cream.  I was thinking bread.  I compromised with blueberry waffles and feel a lot better now.

What technology would solve the problem that we shovel food into dumpsters, lock them, then call the police to guard them with guns?
Because we HAVE the FUCKING food.

Wait, I do know one piece of technology that solved that in the past.  It was very humane for the time.

With candles, the wick isn't what's burning.
I was taught that it was, but that the candle-wax was "slowing the burn" somehow.  The kind of nonsense answer a child gets.  In this case I never reexamined it, because who cares about candles?

Fallen London cares about candles.

Flaky, creamy, combustible

"There is a lack", I once set as a status, and my friends grew concerned for me.  I thought it was a level of Unaccountably Peckish, but it wasn't.  Technically.  It was my interpretation of it.
I'm glad they were concerned for me.  Well, she, but she went by they at the time.  My other "friends" let me cook.  Melt.
Sublimate?

Quote from: Eric Blank on March 06, 2024, 04:44:22 pm

Yeah, when I've only gotten a response from 1% of the applications I put out, I don't exactly feel bad blowing off the hr department of the lesser offer when I do get two in a row and the better one is almost a guarantee.. What goes around comes around, you know?

"Other companies ignored me at the most trivial and low-effort part of the process which they likely go through in the hundreds if not thousands, so I'm going to waste the time of one of the few companies that DID take the time for me after they've put in actual effort, that'll show... all those other guys who don't know me from Adam, all right."

Yeah, I feel bad for that 1% of companies that show basic decency.  Maybe the problem is the other 99% of them, and we need some systemic solution.

OR I guess we could blame every individual job seeker who doesn't give full benefit of the doubt to all 100% of companies and gets burned 99% of the time.  Clearly they're the real problem here. 

If every individual is just SUPER nice and volunteers time and emotional energy to all the bad companies, maybe they'll deign to treat us like human fucking beings more often.  Great plan!

Not happy about being moved to make this curse...

"This is stalking" (someone else responding to them)

Reading your shit is stalking?
You craven dog shit.  You excrement from an animal's rectum.  You effluent from some Fascist's campaign of hate.  Do what you you will, you waste of air.

...
sorta affirmed in myself, that this is what I consider a deep curse.

Particularly since I went on to describe (unrelated to topic) that all people deserve to be happy.  Even this...