Bay 12 Games Forum

Glass permits light, yet it's solid!
*places a cup on a horizontal plane of glass*
How are we okay with this??

"Oh but you can still see glass it's not actually invisible"
Okay smart person!  Dive into this swimming pool!
I'll tell you right now- it's full of panes of glass.
Why do you hesitate?  You see nothing amiss!  It looks like ordinary water!

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It's possible that I've consumed too many Existential Comics lately.
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/481

I want to cry, but I can't quite do it.
(that's the entire message, really)
I tried a HRT that's 1/4 the concentration, but doesn't have castor oil.
Which meant I had to take 4x as much

I had an allergic reaction and was a total shithead for a bit, but I was smart enough not to message my enemies.
as much as I wanted to
That was yesterday.  Today I felt far better, better than I usually have with sublinguals.

I'm trying not to think about how deficient my local PP is about someone like me who needs such a high dose.  (Most people don't need nearly so much).

I'm special.  I also make less testosterone than most women.
That's reassuring <3

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... I will be okay.  I have reasonable courses of action.  At least two things to try, next week.

And if I didn't...?
I would try anyway.  I didn't like living.  Now, I do.
I will do anything to make sure I retain this feeling.

I will do ANYTHING to retain this feeling.

"Death before detransition" is sometimes a threat, sure.  But it's also literal.  I will do whatever it takes to continue enjoying life.

I've been calling myself a straight woman, but it's time to admit I'm still bisexual...
I date both men and NBs

LMAO
(too late, btw.  It's so weird to see the new icon on my phone.  Definitely is helping me break the instinct to check the dang thing)
(probably because I don't have those other 5 apps arranged... hm....)
anyway sharing this with my gay friends (I am very straight since transition)

...No need to harm the fatted calf, there are other ways ^

Oh haha, I assumed you were being ironic.  Like, technically it's good that it ended! *hug*

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Someone wanted to voicechat about dreams (they have similar bizarre ones) and they immediately complimented my voice O_o  Specifically that it's "So much nicer" than they expected, lol, okay??  Flabbergasted me for a bit and then we chatted about regional accents (apparently I cover my drawl well until I say "Southern drawwwl").

It's funny because I studied some voice training basics a few days ago, but I'm mostly happy with it already?  I'd like more control (and to be able to switch my voice on command like some people) but I used to record videos and audiologs a lot.  I... think it's naturally a bit high "for a guy", but then goes real low when I'm upset and trying to emphasize how serious and deliberate I am.  IDK.

Voice gender is actually not nearly as much about pitch as people think, though.  I just learned this trick where you do most of a yawn, which shrinks the size of the "pipes" by moving something up the throat, then speak- and the resonances are all different.  Feminine.  Somehow doing that reliably seems to be the key thing, rather than falsetto.

What I'm wondering now is whether I naturally learned to do that, a little, making my voice a bit ambiguous and thus euphoric to me.  I don't know though.  I'll have to make some more recordings.

I like when Minecraft comes up in a dream, it has such a simple yet complicated symbolic language (and I enjoyed dreaming about cool skylands a couple times).
Sounds like you had a fitful nap, though.  The stranger in the room sounds creepy, reminds me of a sleep paralysis apparition.  Particularly with it appearing when you(r friends) were "asleep" in a dream.

Indigestion will trigger vivid dreams for me too, particularly during daynaps.  Usually unpleasant, even these days.

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I had an older brother who recruited me into a romcon-style plot to give a young lady a charmed life via hijinks.  He was literally a guardian angel actually, though the theology was murky and he was still my brother (a part of me).  He cheerfully explained that he was aware of the entire multiverse of possibilities in everything we were doing, and discarding the branches where things went wrong.  I found that briefly shocking, but then decided it was comforting and there was nothing I could do about it anyway.
Besides, the goal was important.  This lady needed a good start to life.

And it worked!  Soon she was my age and giving a feminist/LGBTQIA+ lecture to a rapt crowd, as the angel and me listened in the lobby.  I felt like we were intruding since I didn't "look right", but the angel told me I had nothing to worry about.  It/he was exhausted though, which was remarkable since he'd claimed to have been through googols of possible realities weeks earlier and remained chipper and wisecracking.  We'd been doing this for... months, and I guess even a timeless being was fraying a bit!
It made a little cocoon for me (subtlety!!) and I think I had dreamless, restful sleep for a while.

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I even woke up briefly (for real), had some water, and considered writing this down.  But I was *really* achy from some RL work, and it was before dawn.  So I tried to fix my memory, and went back to sleep.  Much more fitfully this time I think.  I had a dream which felt like a continuation but it doesn't make any sense at all.  Just doesn't fit.  I'm blaming soreness and dehydration.  Still, I don't feel right discarding data that doesn't fit:

Me and an androgynous angel were on the floor of a gloomy room, with Gus Fring standing over us.  There were bullet casings all over the floor.  We were so tired.  I think Fring was God in this scenario?  He was scornful of the angel and telling it to get up and clean the room.  I was apparently expected to just lie there and heal.
But where was Vera- oh
oh
I really didn't get that until now

Anyway glad it (he? it-he? lol) stopped using my dad's and brother's faces, that was getting annoying.
I seriously don't obsess over this stuff most of the time.  But I've been with my dad a lot lately, so it builds up while I'm "being polite".  Plus, I'm getting a new prescription Tuesday and gotta do some research... plan it out perfectly down to the slightest detail, you could say