31
Life Advice / Re: General Dating Advice Thread
« on: February 24, 2015, 11:00:08 am »Good luck, Spehss, and remember it's not a big deal if she says no.She basically said no by not responding at all. Which is totally cool. Not like I would prefer at least getting a "no" or some kind of response. No I'm not bitter. yes i'm bitter
it is OKAY.
Having to refuse someone is bad situation - straight basic no is cruel, so she might not want to do that.
Anything less than firm "no" is encouraging suitor to go on pursuing her. Which means that it creating more problems with that suitor down the road.
And of all, there is panic of "Wait ... what ... he want to go on date? Why? How did he get this idea?"
Best action? Nothing at all and hope suitor does not take it too personally.
Lesson? If you look at situation with her eyes she was messaged by creepy person who took her accepting fiends requerst on facebook as sign that she is available to go out with him. What is number 1 advice in that situation? Do not encourage stalker by replying him.
Luckily I have a well of nearly endless patience...at least in most cases.
Unfortunately I am lacking in the friends department...so that hardly helps. I have found the community here to be far more intelligent on average than most places on the net...which is nice.
I am certainly more than willing to be flexible with my standards, and I am not so strict as to reject women who come my way; not without giving them a chance at least. That is a rare occurrence though...especially since I am looking for a local relationship. Long distance relationships have not been kind to me over the years.
I guess all I can really do is keep trying.
1) Do not get too flexible with standarts unless you want to do hooks up for one night. Small thing that are tradeoff for female company in begining will soon become big issues.
2) Why do you have few friends? Is it introversion or straight up assery? I have seen people who value inteligence trying to impress others with their. Which can backfire easily.
3) Good estimation of long distance. There is no point - just do not do that. Even with exceptional women - do not do that.
Mashup of things that helped me:
You likely have interests - act on them. Join local groups. Just avoid the ones with too nerdy atmosphere (I would beware joining SF fandom group for example - too easy to get into arguments that make everyone look bad). Figure out what appeals both to you and women in your demographic and which is unlikely to attract people who will make you uncomfortable.
Take some lessons (languages are great because you will be talking to people and only smarter people will be there, You can try caligraphy or history or somethig along theese lines.).
If you want brainy women, do brainy stuff. Also, get some distance and accept that wast majority of nerd/intj/geek/gamer culture is not really what brainy women consider brainy - and that woman not being into that or even hating it is not stupid.
I have met charming smart older woman throught "comunication and problem solving course" paid by my then employer. As in, 18 years older than me lecturer. So that can happen. Fun times.
You also need practice: You can easily ask out women on adult interest sites (sites where people share amateur nudies that are combined with dating sites). All you need is interesting enough message. Use this purely as practice. Hell, you can find quality escort to learn basics of bedroom date if you want to and get some serious confidence up.
What you need most is practice in social enviroment. That comes before getting practice in dating. You need to be able to go out and have a cofee or dinner without it being big deal or making you anxious.
Talking to strangers, being witty without being asshole, being confortable in crowd... all that is learned skill, and is not closed off for some people.
Read up on etiquete. You can easily be set apart from crowd with that.
Read up some books: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is valuable, but there are others. You likely need it.
Recognizing other people being interested in you and showing yours interest in them is very valuable skill.
Avoid "pickup artist" stuff - it is interesting, but also very misleading and dangerous.
Basically:
1) Opportunity - you need to create opportunities to meet someone.
2) Practice and Skill - you need to be able to use those opportunities.
, then I cannot mod them...