April 23, 2024: Dwarf Fortress 50.13 has been released.
News: February 3, 2024: The February '24 Report is up.
News: February 4, 2021: Dwarf Fortress Talk #28 has been posted.
News: November 21, 2018: A new Threetoe story has been posted.
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That is a delightful offer. Though I do believe you will surely win the garden, it is customary to allow all an opportunity to make bids. I thank you once more, and if none can best your generosity, then we shall meet and discuss locations which you would think are suitable."Multitudes is Masterest Bargainererer! We will let you in for free! Though that parasite would still be nice."
Mion Council Votes
Titles: Accuser, Twiceborn
Total Titles: 2
Proposed resolutions:
-2 Productivity resolution PRR-8895-BZ2: Assign the task of counting bee-flower interactions to the Ministry of Records
-2 Financial reform STR-8943-DA: Affirm the ban on bribes given in exchange for expedited forms
-2 Zoning resolution ZON-9355-1: Zone the heartlands as monster-infested wilderness
+2 Data Compression Legalization DCL-666-1: That the compression of data and knowledge for ease of recordkeeping be legalized.
+2 Duality Mandate DUL-0001-1: Marriage between two candidates, with them acting as Divinely Mandated Regents to the new heir
+2 Budgetary reform GLR-0100A: Each Turn the Ministry of Glory will audit the budget of each ministry
-2 AEL-8383-7: Angelic Employment Legal Procedure Amendment
-2 ELD-001-A: Elda Horizontal Promotion
+2 Official Council Reprimand FFFF-039-222C: The Council officially reprimanded
Lu Proposes Counsel Resolution:GLR-0100A to the Counsel.Mion seconds this proposal.
[Council Proposal: Duality Mandate] I propose Marriage between two candidates, with them acting as Divinely Mandated Regents to the new heir they produce until he or she is of age.Mion seconds this proposal.
Third is an official looking individual, tall and reptilian, clad in grey robes and a ceremonial hat. I am Retom, a representative of the the Inter-dimensional Order of Agreeable Gods. I heard word of the birth of a new world and come to offer induction into the IOAG. As members of the IOAG, this world will be able to call upon other IOAG members in time of great need, as well as make requests of IOAG merchants, and complimentary gifts every few cycles. Of course, you'd also follow and be protected by our laws. Accepting the induction required unanimous agreement of the gods, and taxes typically run about 1 act per god per turn.Various spiders chitter, crabs snap their claws and wolves howl
As the first visitors finished up their sales, they departed, leaving the gods alone with their realms for a time. Yet slowly, others replaced them and an audience with the gods was requested.
The first individual which arrived was a familiar face among the heavens, Jyll, goddess of slimes. I am Jyll, queen of all the jiggles, goddess of goo, and the slime in the sky. I come here to make an offer to the fledgling gods of this realm. I know firsthand the difficulty in gaining a foothold in the world, and growing your following can be so taxing when you must also construct land, plants and animals. Indeed, many find themselves quickly to be lacking the power needed to pursue their goals. And so, I offer four acts in exchange for allowing me to seed this world with my children. I need at least two gods to accept this offer, and up to four gods may do so, with the acts split among them.
Last is a lavender colored eldritch being. They have many rows of tentacles which rotate across their humanoid body in rows, with each row rotating the opposite direction. This gives them a rather unusual sense of uneasy movement. I am Agai. I come here wishing to establish a garden upon this world. I will populate it with floura and fauna of this world, and occasionally return to prune the garden and collect some of it's fruit. I will pay up to five acts for this, though will accept offers if gods are willing to accept it for less than that."Let There be Multitudes is a master bargainerer! I will let you in for 3 acts if you can gift the world with a parasite that makes mortals smarter the more offspring they produce!"
Request for larger Words dispensation Form dmfwepoej$#()%
Proposer: Mion, Goddess of Murder and Wealth
Shortcode: 232-0fkdsv
Additional Words Requested: 3
Rationale: Make multithreading more optimal
Form Authorization Code: None
Grand Archivist Mion,
I would enjoy hearing your reasoning for this urgent request. I am currently considering angelic employment reforms in general.
In the interim, I have offered angelic positions to several mortal champions of impeccable nobility and courage. You may consider hiring them should our current employee stocks prove insufficient.
Warmly,
Manager Tuuok of the Ministry of the Realm
To Manager Tuuok
May your libraries be ever overflowing
Our current workforce is greatly insufficient for our responsibilities and duties. At the same time, there are hordes of unemployed angels living as beggars within heaven, unable to achieve gainful employment due to the hiring freeze. Both of these have a negative effect on the functioning of Heaven, and the carrying out of our duties. Sadly your 6 mortals are merely a drop in the bucket.
- Insistently yours, Mion, Archivist
"This would need a Council Resolution or the Sun's Nod, Steward Elda. As such I am afraid that your proposed merger will have to be put off for now."QuoteElda knocks on the door, demanding to be made head of all the positions."You do not seem to currently be in the employ of the Ministry of Records. Would you like to join our Ministry as a Bureau Head? Please note that heavenly regulations forbid us from being members of multiple ministries, so you would have to give up your position as Steward to assume such an august position."
"You needn't worry. I can absorb the Ministry of Records into the Sun's Court. We will therefore be under the same ministry, and I need not leave my old position behind. Clearly this is the optimal solution to this issue."
Elda knocks on the door, demanding to be made head of all the positions."Our records indicate that you do not seem to currently be in the employ of the Ministry of Records, Steward Elda. Would you like to join our Ministry as a Bureau Head? Please note that heavenly regulations forbid us from being members of multiple ministries, so you would have to give up your position as Steward to assume such an august position."
[URGENT]
To Pontifex Ronda
May your fields be ever bountiful
Godpaper supply is insufficient to meet godpaper demand. We request that sacrifices of blessed paper and other sources of godpaper production be increased in scope and quantity as much as possible.
It is of the greatest importance to the smooth workings of the Heavenly Bureaucracy that contact is re-established with the Underworld. We request that your ministry focuses the greatest amount of their attention on this or we will request arbitration.
- Concernedly yours, Mion, Archivist.
[URGENT]
To Manager Tuuok
May your libraries be ever overflowing
We believe it is of the utmost importance to the functioning of Heaven that the hiring freeze be ended immediately.
- Insistently yours, Mion, Archivist
Your bureau heads are mysteriously absent. Have they gone missing?High Level Summary: Expel all current Bureau Heads of the Ministry of Records from the Ministry of Records for dereliction of their duties. Make a ministry wide announcement that whichever employees reach me first will be promoted into the new bureau heads. The new Bureau Heads will be under a evaluation period for this turning of the heavens, meaning they only begin to be paid salaries next turn.
Time is currently set to flow at 3 months per turn. You may adjust this down as far as one week per turn or two and a half years per turnHigh Level Summary: Increase timeflow to a week per turn [Meaning that for each turning of the heavens a week passes in the mortal world] [It would be illegal for Mion to accept bribes for less extreme time dilation.]
Build-Strong-Fences-That-The-Exhibits-Not-Escape Ayarteshki, zookeeper for the Ministry of Records: "This cavern presenteth an unprecedented opportunity to improve our records of cavernous monsters. Send us down and we shall bring our collection closer to completion."High Level Summary: Approve this mission and fund with 2 Glory.
Oh most just and upright Arbitrary Arbitrator, whose insight pierces all falsehoods
What is godpaper? I am informed that this is something our department requires.
What are the proper procedures and channels to acquisition new employees and godpaper for the Ministry of Records?
What animals are commonly domesticated in the Garden of Heaven, and in what forms do the mortals pay taxes to the Heavenly Bureaucracy?
Thank you once again for your invaluable guidance in this time of transition
- Diligently yours, Mion, Archivist.
"Respectable Bureau Head Time-Flieth-Like-A-Banana. Provide me with an overview of the assigned tasks and workload that require such extreme levels of time dilation and your proposals for reaching these levels of time dilation. I do hope your comments about suicide were not any sort of implied threat against my person Bureau Head Time-Flieth-Like-A-Banana.""Now, I will ask again, who is murdering the Archivists, and why."Numbers-Like-Hips-Lieth-Not Zuraga: "If you'll just consult my chart again, Archivist, you'll see the number of Archivists is not particularly different! Here, I'll conjure it again:"Time-Flieth-Like-A-Banana Hjolmgi: "If I may, Archivist, there be no recorded causes of death for the last few Archivists! Surely thou'd agree the only kennable explanation be suicide fro' all the work we be doing! We reckon 274 millennia will be enough to prevent thy suicide!"Spoiler: The chart again (click to show/hide)
No-Creature-Did-Heaven-Create-More-Comely-Than-The-Humble-Spider Vata: "Fleshies come. Gods die. So what? Upfuturesouthspinwardleftdownstairs wing of bureau complain. Big room. No godpaper. Store employment records. Promise more. But where? Last Archivist? Never said. Just appeared. Poof. Good one though. Got us Greater. No Glory now. Back to Lesser."
Numbers-Like-Hips-Lieth-Not Zuraga, Head of the Bureau of Observations, Research, and Extrapolations: "Greetings, Archivist! I am Numbers-Like-Hips-Lieth-Not Zuraga, Head of the Bureau of Observations, Research, and Extrapolation, and I say! There is no proof supporting your scurrilous suggestion that Archivists are murdered any more often than other head ministers! Allow me to produce this enlightening plot:""Bureau Head Numbers-Like-Hips-Lieth-Not, your own chart clearly indicates that the Record Head death rates is significantly higher than that of other ministries. I want answers, not this nonsense. If you continue to attempt to obfuscate important issues through misleading charts when speaking with me I will assume you are the murderer and deal with you thusly."Spoiler: Enlightening plot (click to show/hide)
Time-Flieth-Like-A-Banana Hjolmgi, Head of the Bureau of Time Management or Distribution: "I salute thee as Time-Flieth-Like-A-Banana Holmgi, Head of the Bureau of Time Management or Distribution, new Archivist! May thy tenure be longer than the last and not just by temporal calibration! Our first priority be slowing down the flow of time so our clerks can finish their assigned tasks! We estimate that a compression factor of 100 000 000 be enough for our purposes!""What are these assigned tasks that they need 274 millennia per normal time day to complete Bureau Head Time-Flieth-Like-A-Banana? And how would you propose that we reach such levels of time compression?"
No-Creature-Did-Heaven-Create-More-Finely-Than-The-Humble-Spider Vata, Head of the Bureau of Indexing and Networking: "More Glory. More clerks. More clerks to keep track of clerks. More godpaper.""Finally, someone who seems to be halfway sensible. Tell me Bureau Head No-Creature-Did-Heaven-Create-More-Finely-Than-The-Humble-Spider, what is godpaper and how would we go about acquiring it? Similarly, how does the acquisition of labour work within the Heavenly Bureaucracy?"
Merciful Arbitrary Arbitrator, font of all knowledge.
What is the title of the Head of the Ministry of Teleporation?
What bribes would you recommend for usage within the heavenly Bureaucracy?
Who keeps murdering the Archivists and why?
What is the current state of the Garden of Heaven? My memories are a bit muddled from that time I died for a while. I'm pretty sure we had bronze weapons?
I hope you aren't angry about that time we brutally murdered all your old colleagues? No hard feelings and all that?
What is the Sun? A god? Something else? Very bright ball of light and fire in the sky that is somehow source of heavenly authority?
What is Glory?
- Cordially, Mion, Archivist
Dear Teleportation Ministry Leadery Person He-Who-Moveth-Before-The-Lantern-Greeneth-Must-Be-Put-To-Death Bayari
As you no doubt know, we of the Ministry of Records need to frequently move to the various mortal regions to compile our very important reports and lists. We hope that some arrangement could be reached that would allow us to complete our duties without ruinous licencing expenses.
- Fawningly yours, Mion, Archivist
To my Comrade in Arms, Paragon Lu
While we haven't been particularly close before the whole "coup to reach heaven by violence" event happened, I recall you waxing poetic about the good old days when we went drinking that one time. You remember, with the satyrs and um, some things happened?
Anyway, as you should know, the Ministry of Records is all about old things and the recording and restoration thereof. If we happened to receive more funding, we could do this better, and perhaps do some creative filing to result in the return of a few old classics.
- Greedily yours, Mion, Archivist
P.S. Gimme fat stacks of Glory.
To Du-uke Du-ur of the Minstry of Civilization
Greetings Du-ur, may your hinges ever be well oiled. We would like to co-operate with your ministry on getting accurate census data on the mortals.
- Inquisitively yours, Mion, Archivist.
