Bay 12 Games Forum

Just to throw out a few ideas:
* I'm sure she would love the floor of her lair to be paved with gold (or perhaps golden roads if not enough bars are available). Maybe some precious gem windows along the walls too?
* A stockpile of gold coins would also seem appropriate for a dragon's lair, but that would probably be a terrible idea because every single dwarf would immediately claim them as currency.
* A metal Adamantine statue would probably make a fabulous centerpiece, especially since those cost 9 wafers to make.

Love it. Keep 'em coming!

Also:


AMA & Chat Time!

Since Severedcoils is on hiatus until Severedcoils II catches up to it, why don't we take advantage of the down time? It's been a long time since I've had a chat with this community! Go ahead, chat away, ask me anything. I'll answer as best I can about my process without giving away where the story is going next. If you have a question for the players, I'd be more than happy to get you an answer. I would even be willing to provide art assets*, if it would somehow assist the community either to run a project like this yourselves, or adapt into a mod.


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Some helpful links that will be useful in the future and for discussion:

Severedcoils II: The Reckoning : The start of the DnD campaign based on Severedcoils and DnD's 'Tales From the Yawning Portal.' The thread was formerly known as 'The Sunken Citadel,' named for the first dungeon of the campaign, a near-replica of TftYP's 'Sunless Citadel.' The Sunken Citadel has served as a training ground for all of us - myself included. I barely had any prior DM experience and had never run a dungeon before, half of these players had never played the game before, two different friend groups were merging together and learning to work together, and we had to figure out how to get through eight players' turns within a reasonable amount of time. We had a lot of kinks to work out before diving into Severedcoils! As a primer, the Sunless/Sunken Citadel has worked BEAUTIFULLY, and I'm ecstatic with what these players, all of whom close personal friends or family, have brought into the narrative already. The players are currently [F]orbidden from entering the Severedcoils thread, but I intend to eventually grant them access to the full story, as a means of informing their next course of action. When this happens is up to them, but boy oh boy, these guys are so creative and so determined to tear this story to shreds, I trust that it's the first thing they're going to attempt!*

The Hearth of Wrath: My first experiment with this project, a rebuild of TftYP's 'The Forge of Fury.' Of course I had to start with the dungeon that is a literal Dwarven fortress! This decision to practice with the second dungeon first created a bit of awkwardness in the beginning*. As such, I'm retiring the HoW thread, but the dungeon is currently slated to make an appearance in this campaign. The story will simply continue from the current game thread, and eventually I'll post a link on this thread pointing to the start of that chapter, so this thread will lead back to the story where it belongs. I'm making every effort I can at keeping this dual-perspective malarkey consistent and interesting.

Ooooops, squished the Duchess: The event that started it all. This random, curious happenstance is the thread in which the challenge of Severedcoils was made. This happened in Cometnet, my very first fortress, which still exists but was generated in a different world than Severedcoils.

Feel free to ask anything at all about Severedcoils I or II, its inspiration, how it's organized and executed, how it's uploaded and edited, what tools I use to make it, how I play it in Roll20 - I'm willing to give back to this community everything it's given me, which is a lifetime of inspiration and purpose. Thank you, thank you all for being such a huge part of my life. You have no idea how important this project is to me, and I'm doing everything I can to make it the very best it can be. I'm all ears to any suggestions you've got that can take this story farther.


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The Codex of the Mighty Asterisk:

* I started this project using the Guybrush tileset, since that's what I'd used when playing Severedcoils, and I wanted the graphics to match. I began by gradually modifying the original tileset bit by bit, then eventually creating a ton of new content myself, but adapting Guybrush's style to stay consistent. I have to admit, I jumped into this excited for the idea but lacking the experience or knowledge as a DM and focused on learning, that I hadn't considered the ramifications of using this art style until now. Judging by the rate the view count's been going up, I'm estimating we've got a few hundred readers or so, so now it's time to recognize that this has stepped beyond a hobby and into something that has a bit of publicity. So, there's my full disclosure on where the credit for the art assets lie.

*After debating internally how I was going to keep this dual-thread monster of a narrative consistent, interesting, and simple to understand, I've decided 'The Sunken Citadel' will transform from a story thread about a single dungeon, to the entire campaign from the real-world DnD players' perspectives. Meanwhile, Severedcoils will continue to receive its own updates in the way it always has (that is, more Dwarf Fortress-focused than Dungeons and Dragons, in the same style it's always been), except the threads are now chronologically "locked." The in-game dates on each post are now very important: They tell when certain events coincide, which are important for details like who witnessed what and when (via the spyglass window, for example). Currently, this means that Severedcoils has already been played up to the point when I believe the players will return home. The board is already set for what I want them to find, but there is another, surprise event I intend to throw at the players the session before they enter the fort*.

*: My DF map assets were not prepared, so at first we were playing on a standard, Google-downloaded map of "The Sunless Citadel" (yes, I own a physical copy of "Tales from The Yawning Portal," that's what the game's been run from so far). In the meantime, I worked on 'The Sunken Citadel' (because 'Sunken' is in the DF library, but not 'Sunless'), and I made some modifications to practice building settings, like the addition of the entire Noble's layer.  Much of the bottom floor has been re-tooled or rewritten, as well. I didn't actually introduce the Dwarf Fortress maps to the players until the quasit cast a spell on them and revealed items in the troll's room. I've actually created a bit of an unintended disconnect here; The story looks like this was a fairly mundane effect, but the players are convinced they've been transported to another world in the multiverse (and, out-of-game, they have some *very interesting theories* about where this game might be headed, and I'm writing this as we go, so... Plenty of flexibility to play with!

*: What could it be? Who knows? There are hints in play already, but this is a brand-new, 100% original story and homebrewed module, designed and written by Yours Truly, scheduled to be introduced just before entry to Severedcoils. I've designed this game to function completely independently from Severedcoils, Dwarf Fortress, and even Dungeons and Dragons; I'm simply using this campaign to test it. This module is designed in a very special way: It has well over 20 endings (that I can anticipate, at least), the result of which depends entirely upon the decisions the party makes as a team, and ends with a prompt that will drive the direction of the rest of the entire campaign. That's right - there are at least two dozen different directions this story could go, by my count, depending on how the players handle this module I've invented. It can be used to generate many different campaigns, is able to provide very different experiences every time you play it, and I aim towards pitching this as a "Start here, and fill in the rest with whatever your party just revealed to you they want" type of module. I'm being very tight-lipped about this right now, just know that this will be completely new content and will add a whole new layer to this story.

10 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer (Morning)
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The fire snake rose up out of its hole, glaring down at ratNAROk. The air around it rippled, excited by the immense heat radiating off the creature's body. The barbarian sneered. "I ain't scared of you."

Reaching out, ratNAROk grasped the snake around its neck. The heat seared his paws, but in his rage, ratNAROk only laughed at the pain. With a squeaking, shrieking yell, the mouse man hoisted the snake over his head, carried it forward a few steps, and threw it towards the mouth of the cavern. Zumies, surprised and in its path, nimbly sidestepped out of the way as the snake landed on its face in front of him, but then misjudged its speed as it writhed out of the way of his rapier. In retaliation, the fire snake sunk its teeth into Zumies's leg, just as its brethren too scored a scorching strike on ratNAROk's shoulder.

"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed the small mouseman, his eyes bulging with rage. "That's chump damage!"

"Their hides seem resistant to non-magical attacks!" cried Meepo. "Well, let's see them resist this!" The kobold cleric put all his might into a fully-powered Toll the Dead. Half of the snake's face rotted away with necrotic damage, but enraged, it only made the coals in its eyes burn hotter.

"Don't throw that thing at me!" Space Pants disengaged and ran away, back up the echoing chasm. Edward, Alefgard, Sergei, and Erky were running towards him, alerted to the sound of combat echoing through the chasm walls. The cat started waving them the other direction. "Don't worry guys, the elf's got 'em, he said to just leave him. Just let him go. Just let them all go and turn around. Everyone go home, nothin' to see back here."

"Hah!" laughed Erky, "Some great and powerful 'hero' you turned out to be."

Space Pants stuck out his leg and tripped Erky, causing the gnome to fall on the stone floor and chip a tooth.

"Ack!" Erky felt the sharp, bloodied tooth with the tip of his tongue, and glared at Space Pants. "Wonderful. Now I will always have this reminder that you are still at large. You've made sure I won't forget."

"Erky wanted to forgive Space Pants," the voice of Momuz Freeman said in the gnome's head.

Meanwhile, Bubb commanded its giant fly of a Spiritual Weapon to devour the rotting snake, bypassing its resistance with force damage - and yet, the snake continued to fight on. Bubb turned its attention to the other and cast a Guiding Bolt at it, lighting it up with a radiant glow that exposed its weak points.

"Hyaaah!" ratNAROk, having dropped his greataxe, reached for a scimitar and slashed at the fire snake. Through his divine fury, he channeled radiant energy into his strike, slicing through the fire snake's thick hide and cutting it down for good. The snake's scorching hot body burned ratNAROk's hand upon striking, but the barbarian only laughed at the pain as he charged on towards the second snake, just as Sergei ran up on its flank.

As the snake turned to face the charging mouse warrior, Zumies took advantage of the distraction and snuck in a stab with his rapier. The blade, non-magical, was deflected somewhat by the fire snake's hide, and Zumies too was burned at the touch. "Gah! Stupid rapier!" As luck would have it, the snake remained distracted with being pinned between Sergei and ratNAROk, giving Zumies an opportunity to hide out of its sight.

Surrounded and alone, the remaining snake attempted to burrow underground to get away. Sergei, ratNAROk, and Zumies each took a swing as it fled, but it managed to slip away.

"I'm goin' after it!" The hole was about two feet wide, so ratNAROk dove in and dug the hole open wider. The snake was a little slow to get away, and when they saw its head poking up, ratNAROk grabbed onto the snake's head, while Sergei grabbed on to ratNAROk's waist.

"C'mon, dragon man! This snake's burnin' my hands! Let's yank it out!!"


The fighter and the barbarian pulled together, even as ratNAROk's paws continued to singe, but fighting for its survival, the fire snake pulled harder. It drew ratNAROk head-first into the hole, but Sergei caught him by the ankle just before he was dragged inside.

"ratNAROk, let it go!"

"Never! C'mere, you stupid snake!"


With the fur of his paw still smoldering, the barbarian ripped the snake from its hole by its throat and dragged it back into the open. Before it could get up, Meepo cast Toll the Dead on it, putting it out of its misery.

"Looks like snake's on the menu tonight!" ratNAROk immediately set to butchering the fire snake, his mouth watering as he imagined gorging himself on the fiery, already-cooked meat.

As the fight settled, Zumies took a look around to get his bearings. The den was situated in a cave about fifteen feet away from a finished and tiled hallway. As Akmammestthos, the Sunken Citadel sunk into the earth, a section of the citadel appeared to have shifted about twenty-five feet south-west, as evidenced by the very fissue they were standing in. The ceiling went up high into the darkness, much higher than his darkvision could see, and there was little vegetation. Surprisingly, despite how deep underground they were, there were roots sticking out from between the rock down here, particularly down closer to the ground, not up the walls as one would expect.

Zumies paused to inspect the fire snake that ratNAROk was butchering. Between its teeth, he spotted what appeared to be chips of broken gemstones. Sapphire, even.

"Huh... uh, let me help you with that!"

"Knock yourself out, friend!" As ratNAROk cut into the flesh of the snake's tail, Zumies used his dagger to open its gut, cutting through its steaming flesh to open its stomach. Sure enough, inside were many bits and flakes of crushed gemstones, apparently eaten by the beast. He pocketed a handful of the bloody gem chips while no one was looking.

"Spicy snakes have expensive taste," Sergei said, suddenly appearing behind Zumies.

Zumies hurried up and threw a cloth over his pilfered gemstones, acting natural so as not to call his behavior into question. "Zeke said these were the wild ones, and they had trained ones inside. I suspect the local goblins have been winning their favor by offering them precious gemstones."

"Then it's no wonder they're so defensive over their nest. Come, let us search for those eggs."

Space Pants peeked around the corner. "Are... are they dead yet?"

ratNAROk saw Space Pants still quivering over the snakes, and pat him on the shoulder. "Space Pants, if we started a band, it'd be called 'catNAROk.'"

"No, it'd be called 'Cutter 5,'" said the cat.

"Let's find what we came for," said Sergei. The dragonborn looked around. There were many small, two-foot diameter holes peppering the floor where the snakes had burrowed in and out, but no obvious nests. Grunting, the fighter checked beneath a nearby boulder, using his powerful muscles to move it aside. As he suspected, a shallow nest lay beneath, containing one egg, and a medium sapphire, as large as one's thumb.

"Ah-hah!" Sergei knelt down to lift up the egg and the sapphire. As soon as he did, the ground shook, and three more fire snakes burst from the ground to defend their nest!


"Nope ropes!" cried ratNAROk.

"Danger noodles!" shouted Sergei.

"Squiggly 'tude dudes!" ratNAROk kept going.

Edward turned to Alefgard. "Hey, these are fire snakes, you dig?"

"We're all bunched up," said the wizard. "Ice Knife would not be the greatest idea right now."

As they planned, one of the snakes got close to Alefgard, and he had to do something. He brought his hands together to form a Thunderclap, blasting the snake with a loud BANG that reverberated down the echoing chasm corridor. Then, he touched Sergei's longsword and cast Magic Weapon. The dragonborn's masterwork longsword glowed with an ethereal blue light.

"That should help you cut through their hide!"

Just then, the fire snake shook off the sonic blast and lunged at Alefgard. Sergei Protected the wizard by interposing his shield between the attack. "Thank you, funny tome man."

"No, thank you-- watch out!"

A second snake slid past ratNAROk, Edward, and Alefgard and went straight after Sergei, who had pilfered the egg. This snake was larger than the others, perhaps the alpha or the queen of the nest, depending on how these snakes worked. A gnashing bite and a broad, critical strike from its tail pushed the fighter back - but most of its damage came from the heat of its body, which the dragonborn resisted. The last slithered past Zumies to flank Edward with the one that just moved in on Sergei.

"Aw, who said there could be more snakes?" Space Pants threw a random cantrip at a random person, casting the first thing on his mind. A Minor Illusion of a fourth fire snake appeared in Erky's space, partially obscuring the gnomish cleric.

"What the heck is this?!" Erky poked his head out through the stomach of the illusory snake.

"You'll thank me later!" Space Pants fled down the chasm hall.

Edward stabbed the fire snake that went after Sergei, and shouted a Healing Word at him. "You got this, big guy!"

Bubb reached out and grabbed a snake, dissentegrating it with Inflict Wounds. The snake's flesh rotted and sloughed off, leaving only the skeleton in its hand as its flies set upon the messy feast at its feet. Bubb held onto its skeleton for later.

Erky stepped over the mess created by the sentient swarm of flies, and rushed over to ratNAROk. "I know you don't like to call out when you need healing, but you need healing!" The gnome cast Cure Wounds, closing some of the barbarian's injuries. ratNAROk grunted out something unintelligible by way of thanks.

Silently, Zumies crept up behind the snake assaulting Edward and snuck a stab at it, stabbing clean between its scales and shrugging off the burns from its heated body. Meanwhile, Sergei protected the egg in his hand, slashing back with his masterwork longsword, and again with a surge of adrenaline while catching his second wind. His blade glowed with the blue light of Alefgard's magic, cutting through the snake's defenses like paper. ratNAROk hacked at the snake Zumies was fighting with his dual scimitars, but its body was especially hot and burnt the mouse man severely in retribution.

Meepo pointed his yklwa at a fire snake near the rear and cast Toll the Dead - but nothing happened. The snake stayed perfectly still, unmoved by the attack or anything else around it.

"What... Space Pants! Your illusion!"

"Don't blame me, you shoulda been payin' attention!"

Meepo grumbled and resummoned his spiritual weapon. The gilded nodachi appeared next to him and slashed clean through the snake to his left, beheading and felling the beast. Alefgard Thunderclapped again, ringing its skull with another eardrum-shattering crash.

In a last-ditch effort to save its nest, the larger snake lunged at Sergei, trying to coil around him and drag him underground. However, Sergei blocked it easily, bouncing its face off his shield as he repelled the attack. "Come back when you have arms and legs!"

Space Pants heroically peeked around the corner. Space Pants saw there were still snakes. Space Pants heroically ducked back behind the corner.

"Next time we break for lunch, somebody leave a cucumber behind him while he's eating," ratNAROk laughed. "That'll really scare him!"

"C'mon, let's finish this!" said Edward. "This snake is on its last legs!" The bard stabbed away again at the snake. It turned and hissed at him, but Bubb finished it with Toll the Dead, ending the fight.

"Alright, that's one," said Zumies. "Let's see if there are any more nests to dig up..." Pushing aside another boulder, the rogue uncovered another nest. This one was full of cracked egg shells, and one small sapphire.

Meepo looked around at all the two-foot wide holes dotting the floor of the cavern. "ratNAROk, you can fit down those holes, right? Take a rope with you this time and see if you can--."

Before Meepo could finish his sentence, ratNAROk jumped into the nearest hole, without the rope. Diving in head-first, the barbarian quickly saw his first mistake.

"Uh... it's dark in here! Somebody got a light?"

Bubb touched ratNAROk's robe and cast Light. With magical light radiating from his shoulders, ratNAROk squirmed his way into the tunnel, until he found a fork in the path. He could tell the path to the right had been used more recently, but that was all he could glean at a glance.

"Hmm... What could that tell me..." ratNAROk scratched his head. "If the right was used more recently, then that means there's more bad guys, which obviously means there's more treasure. And I want that money money!"

The barbarian climbed through the right tunnel. It wasn't long before the path opened up to a den. A clutch of three baby fire snakes - still as large as the small mouse man - rose up from their nest and immediately came towards ratNAROk.

"Oh, snack! ...Uh oh!"

ratNAROk tried to put up his swords, but the tunnel he was climbing through was only as wide as he was! Turning around, dodging, and moving in general was very difficult from where he was. The snakes surrounded him quickly, nipping at his face, hitting more easily since he was partially restrained in the tunnel.

"Ow! Ha ha, you guys are cute! I'm taking one of you with me!"

The barbarian grabbed the nearest baby snake and bit its head, channeling radiant fury as he did so. However, the snakes were tougher than expected, and even the young were more than capable of putting up a fight. All three retaliated, leaving bites and burns all over the barbarian's body.

"Ack! Sonuva... I'll get you! C'mere!"

Outside the hole, the others could hear their ally's cursing and shouting, but because of the size of the hole, were unable to help.

"There he goes again," Edward rolled his eyes.

"Mouse man, do you need assistance?" Sergei called down the hole.

As ratNAROk turned to reply, he saw a fourth snake coming up the tunnel behind him. "Oh, snap-- I'm out!" Pushing against the walls of the tunnel with all his might, the barbarian shoved himself backwards, trying to kick his way through the enemy behind him. The baby snakes in front all took a strike as he was fleeing, one of them scoring a critical hit on his wrist.

"That's it - you're comin' with me!"

Still clutching the fire snake he'd bitten, ratNAROk overpowered the beast and dragged it out of the tunnel with him. His paw singed and smoked as its heated body burned at his flesh, and the snake snapped at the barbarian's face again and again, but he didn't care. The pain only made him relish his rage more.

The enraged mouse man held up the fire snake, almost as large as he was, victoriously for all to see, even as it writhed and hissed and fought against his grasp. "First babies I've come across that attacked back!"

There was a long pause, then Bubb asked, "...Hold up. These were the first babies who fought back? Do you frequently attack babies?"

"D'uhh, um... Goblins, troglodytes, y'know, that stuff!"

"That is a horribly dark statement," Edward shook his head.

"Fine, whaddaya want me to do with this?" The snake jerked again in ratNAROk's still-smoldering paw. "I need opinions!"

"Make a belt out of it," suggested Zumies.

"That'll take too long," said ratNAROk. "It burns."

"Maybe you should put it down," said Sergei. "It seems to be causing you... discomfort."

The mouse man's eye twitched as he held onto the snake tighter. The smell of burnt fur was apparent to everybody. "Nah, it's fine! I've spent a lot of time in kitchens. I've got what you call 'chef hands.'"

"I can see the blisters forming."

"Those aren't blisters, those are callouses!"

Meepo cast Toll the Dead on the snake to put an end to the charade, but the snake held onto life and kept thrashing and burning ratNAROk. The barbarian just kept laughing at the pain.

"Enough!" Edward tried to grab the snake and pull it away, but ratNAROk yanked it out of the way first.

"Hold up! There's something I want to do first." The snake's body burned ratNAROk's hand even more.

"No, just kill it already!" Space Pants panicked and fired the first cantrip he could think of at it. A Fire Bolt shot from his finger at the snake, but was absorbed entirely by its warm hide. "Dang, well, I've tried everything."

"Let's just let this play out," said Bubb, watching hungrily as ratNAROk crept closer and closer to succumbing under the damage of the fire snake's heated body. Its flies buzzed excitedly in anticipation. "Let's respect his wishes and see how this goes."

"...You're just waiting for my meat to be cooked, aren't you?"

"Cooked? No, no... We don't discriminate. But fresh is good."


Meepo cast Toll the Dead again, finishing off the snake. Edward cast a Healing Word on him, patching some of his wounds - but not all. ratNAROk soon learned that his actions had lasting consequences; Having held onto the snake's burning hot body for so long, his off-hand was completely charred, unable to move and in constant, searing pain. He would be unable to use that hand without proper treatment.

"Aw, sweet! When this heals back up, I'm not gonna be able to feel anything!"

"If it heals up," admonished Sergei. "You are a fool."

The kobold tsked as he looked at ratNAROk's hands. "I bet you grew up lying constantly about doing your homework," Meepo said to ratNAROk.

"Bold of you to assume I did any of my homework at all!"

Bubb pat ratNAROk on the back. A flood of maggots poured out from its wrist, squirming and munching on the barbarian's charred flesh, healing him in the most sickening way possible. "Mmm... maybe next time."

"I hate this game," said Space Pants.

"Oh, hey, there was another path, I'm going back--"

"No, no, you're not." Bubb dispelled his Light spell so ratNAROk could no longer see down the hole. Sergei moved the boulder over top of the hole to keep the snakes in, and ratNAROk out.

"D'aww..."

With the nest cleared out, the party moved on to the smoothed and tiled hallway they had passed, just next door. At the end of the hall was a stone door that was wedged shut in its doorframe. Sergei put his weight against it, but it did not budge. He tried again, and the second time, the door dislodged, revealing the room beyond.


The room was illuminated by three wall sconces, each with a blue Continual Flame cast within. The walls and floor had some kind of mosaic pattern at one point, but most pieces had long since fallen and lay shattered upon the floor. In the center of the room was an iron dragon statue, holding a plate with scorch marks in the bottom with its mouth. Against the back wall was a row of sarcophagi. One lay open, revealing the skeletal elven warrior within.

Upon seeing the skeleton, Space Pants's immediate reaction was to reach for Nightcaller, the crystal whistle that raised the dead. "Let's see, how long's it been since I last used this... just before our last rest, so less than 12 hours, but this needs 24... Oh well." Space Pants blew the whistle. Nothing happened.

"Come on, cat man, you're going to break that thing," said Sergei.

Suddenly, Space Pants's ears perked up. He looked all around the room, then narrowed his eyes at the dragon sculpture in the center. "What the @#$! are you talking about?!"

Sergei took a step back. "Uhh, are you... are you talking to me?"

Meepo shrunk back. "M-- me? Meepo didn't say anything..."

Edward lifted an eyebrow. "Um, is the cat alright?"

For a time, no one said anything. Everyone watched Space Pants. Again, the cat looked all around the room, checking the corners, the ceiling, under his own feet. His ears perked up again. "...Yeah, alright." Space Pants blew the whistle a second time.

Ehehehehehee...


A sadistic cackle boomed through the room, coming from nowhere and everywhere all at once. Suddenly, the torches all changed color, casting the room in a crimson glow. The skeleton from the open casket rose up, took two steps forward, and awaited Space Pants's command.

Space Pants would have said something, but he realized he was suddenly out of breath. It was more than that, though. He felt weaker, as though a part of himself may have been lost in the effort. Space Pants examined the skeletal warrior, and nodded with satisfaction - of all the beings he had raised with Nightcaller so far, this one seemed to be the most robust. Hopefully, it would prove to be worth the exchange. Space Pants turned towards the party and shrugged.

"Sure, nothing foreboding about this," worried Edward.

Meepo curled up in a corner, placing his shield over himself and peeked out over the top.

Erky looked at Space Pants with wide eyes. "What... what did you do?? I don't know what kind of sorcery you're up to, cat, but you'd better be careful!"

Space Pants scoffed. "Shut up, Erky. There's nothing wrong with summoning an evil skeleton from time to time, alright,? Obviously, I'm a super-powerful cat... and I can do things."

"Snake!" called out Meepo.

"Gah!" Space Pants leapt behind his new evil skeleton. "Stop that!"

Keeping his eye on the prize, Zumies turned his attention towards the collection of items surrounding the iron dragon sculpture. The sculpture appeared to be an altar of sorts, with the items serving as offerings left behind. The first item on the floor in front of him was a human leather bracelet.

"Oh... uh, oh."

Edward, the human bard, perked up. "Did you say something?"

"Uhh..." Zumies hesitated for only a moment before his greed overcame his sense of decency. He held the human leather bracelet up to Edward. "Here, can you identify this?"

"What the-- are you serious??"

"Yikes," said Alefgard. "Read the room, buddy."

Zumies shrugged. "I just think it's neat."

Among the other trinkets left as offering were +chalk flutes+, -chalk harps-, and +gypsum trumpets+. The only items of note were a human bone amulet, and an -aluminum toy boat-.

"We're gonna be here a while if we're identifying all of this," said Alefgard.

"Let me help," said Bubb, casting Detect Magic. They could soon see that none of the items left as offering had any magic to them, but the iron statue was magical - and, something magical could be seen glowing through a compartment in the bottom of the statue.

"Look, there - this statue conceals an item!" Bubb inspected the statue closer, focusing especially on the tray and the scorch marks within. Up close, the fly-infested warforged could see sapphires set in its eyes.

"I bet it's gonna breathe fire on you," said Meepo.

Bubb poured a small amount of oil into the tray and lit it with a tinderbox. The oil burned, but nothing happened.

"Perhaps an offering is required first," said Sergei. After the fire went out, he stepped forward and placed the sapphire he found in the snake's nest in the plate. Nothing happened. "...Perhaps this was not the right course of action."

"It's not enough," said Alefgard.

"Yeah, maybe it has to be worth more," said Meepo.

"Cutter 4... no, 5... Evil Cutter, get in there." Evil Cutter stood silently staring at Space Pants, unable to comprehend his orders. "Great, another dud. Evil Cutter's the worst."

Sergei pulled out a handful of small sapphires he'd collected along the way and started placing them one at a time onto the tray. He placed another, and another, and another, totaling about 80g.

"Okay, now I'll light it on fire," said Bubb.

"No, wait! Not yet..." Sergei placed two more small sapphires, bringing the pile's worth up to 100g. The statue's sapphire eyes lit up, glowing sky blue.

"...Now?"

"Wait." Sergei dropped another small sapphire onto the plate, but nothing changed. Then, he drew forth a sapphire necklace that he had found earlier, worth 80g in its own right, and threw that onto the pile.

Zumies eyes bugged out of his head. "Where did you... wait, not that!"

"...And now I light it on fire!" Bubb doused the gems in oil again, stopping the dragonborn from throwing any more of his wealth onto the offering, now worth 190g in total. As he lit the fire the flames turned blue, and the sconces changed to burn blue once again. A few moments later, the flames subsided - all of the gems that had been on the plate were gone, but the compartment underneath had opened.


"Sweet," said ratNAROk, "you gave up money so you could pick up a trinket we can sell later."

"You basically bought that," said Space Pants.

Bubb inspected the idol under the effects of Detect Magic. "It seems to be imbued with Transmutation magic."

Sergei picked up the idol, carved into the shape of a dragon in much the same shape as a seahorse. Turning the item over in his hand, he wondered whether it was worth what he had given up. Perhaps whatever entity this was an altar to might be pleased with him.

"wow you just got ripped off," a tiny voice came from the idol.

"Oh my word, did that idol just talk?" Space Pants put his paws to his face in mock fear. "It must be a sentient item!"

"Here, throw me the idol," said Alefgard. Sergei handed it over to the wizard. He inspected the item, but could not glean anything about its history. The carvings looked completely unlike that of any culture he was aware of. Holding it between his thumb and forefinger, he realized what the item did.

"Ah, I see. If you attune to this, you'll be able to climb at a speed of 20 feet, and have an easier time holding on while climbing."

"Hm," said Sergei. "That seems most beneficial to someone who is not very athletic."

Alefgard shrugged. "Alright, I guess you mean me. I can take it, if no one else wants it."

"point me at one enemy and i'll destroy it," the voice from the idol said again.

"...Do you know what's up with that?" said Sergei.

"...I don't know, and I don't detect anything... dangerous? About this item, so I have no idea what it's talking about. Should be fun to find out one day. What's your name, idol?"

No response.

"...Okay, it's Billy. Billy Idol. Nice to meetcha."

Space Pants chuckled to himself for no particular reason. "Let's crush this egg. I've decided I don't want to do this anymore."

"What are you talking about?" said Sergei. "We just need to get this egg to Zeke and that will get us closer to claiming one of his magic items."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't want to do it anymore. I'd rather smash the egg."

"Good thing I'm holding onto it, then."

"What about the sapphires in the eyes of this statue?" said Bubb. "You could replace some of the gems you just lost."

Sergei stared into the statue's glowing eyes. "No... I think it best we leave the statue alone. It is appeased, let us not mess with that."

Space Pants attempted to pull a sconce off the wall, but after several attempts, gave up. "Alright, I'm bored. Let's burn this statue down and go get rid of the egg. ...Can we pick up that statue and take it with us?"

"Ooh, how much do you think Zeke will give us for it?" said ratNAROk.

"It seems to be bolted to the floor," said Sergei. "Does not appear likely to come up." Sergei then took a beat to search around the rest of the room. There did not appear to be any secret doors or other hidden treasures, except perhaps within the sarcophogi. Sergei thought about the last time they saw a bunch of caskets in a row. "I think it's best we move on from this room. We seem to have found everything of value."

"Fine. Then let's get back to that dirt merchant."

The party ventured back through the chasm, back to the lab area where they were attacked by Belak and his many goblins.

"Hey, he's not here!" said Edward. "Where'd that badger go?"

"Hello? Zeke?" Sergei called out. "Where have you gone? We have your egg...s."

"He did say he had to go do something," said Zumies. "We'll probably run into him later. Let's just move on."

Through the northeast door, where the bugbear had entered with his skeletons, the door leading out had been left open, giving way to a large room beyond.

Luminescent fungus grew in every crack in the walls, ceiling, and floor of this wide room. Grand bas-relief carvings, partially obscured by the fungus, show dragons raining fire down upon a panicked people. Small weedy plants grew in the thin layer of soil covering half of the engraved floor, and a nearby bench housed a variety of gardening tools.


Alefgard wasted no time peering into the engravings on the floor in search of lost fragments of history.


"Oh yeah, I heard about that in elf school," Zumies said, feigning interest. "Hm, what have we here?" The half-elf rogue inspected the bench and found himself a hand sickle, small enough to be usable as a light weapon. "Ah! If I sharpen this up, it could be very deadly."

"Just can't help yourself, eh elf?" Space Pants said. "Stealin' in broad daylight. Can't say I'm surprised."

Zumies nodded towards the bush against the north wall. "Why don't you have some catnip and settle down?"

"Catnip?" Space Pants turned to look. Sure enough, some unidentified form of catnip was growing right nearby! "Finally! I thought I was going to run out."

"You sure aren't using it like you're going to run out soon!"

"I didn't say 'soon,' I just meant eventually. I'll always need more. This place is stressful. You guys are stressful."

"Boo," said Bubb.


Draped over Bubb's shoulder was the skeleton of the fire snake he'd melted earlier. Space Pants nearly jumped clean out of his fur. "Don't-- don't do that!! Bad Cutter 3!"

OOC: Sorry for the wait, we cancelled our last session and only play every other week.  Our next game is this Tuesday, so expect an update within a week or two!

PS: EXPECT A NAME CHANGE TO THE THREAD SOON!
I've decided to expand this thread to include the entire campaign, not just 'The Sunken Citadel.' I don't know what that name will be yet, it will be decided by the players. I'm mentioning it now so you'll know why the name on your bookmark won't match in a few weeks, or so you don't lose track of the story from the main directory.

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

The party settled in for the third shift of their rest.  The fight during the previous watch was brief, but still served as a reminder of the threat that lie just outside.  Zumies, Erky, Meepo, and ratNAROk stayed up for the final watch, vigilant and alert for any danger.


Erky sat with his back to the door, keeping an ear out for trouble, while everybody else grew bored of guard duty.  Zumies started appraising all the jewelry he'd collected thus far.  Meepo couldn't keep his eyes open and dozed off.  ratNAROk brushed off a mud smear (right ear) and twiddled his paws.

"Hey Zumies," said ratNAROk, "You got a marker?"

"A marker?" Zumies raised an eyebrow.  "I got an oil marker in my thief's kit."

"Oil?  Even better!" ratNAROk rubbed his paws together gleefully.  "Wouldn't it be really funny if we dipped Space Pants's tail in oil and set it on fire?"

"It probably would be funny," said Zumies with a grin.  "I would think he's had it comin'."

Erky's eyes lit up.  "Oh, I wouldn't see anything.  I'm doing my job of keeping lookout, I'm not paying any attention to what you're doing," the gnome said with a wink.

"Oh, I know you won't!" ratNAROk bumps fists with Erky.

"I am a cat, and I am awake," said Space Pants.  "I hear you talkin' about me."

"No you're not," says ratNAROk.  "We weren't talking about you, nuh-uh.  We were talking about... Zumies."

"...Yeah," said Zumies, the half-elf, "we were talking about my tail.  Go back to sleep!"

"I'm a cat," reiterated Space Pants, "this is my time to do cat things.  It's kinda my whole thing."

"No it's not, go back to sleep!" said ratNAROk.  "Erky, hit him with that spray!"

"Gladly!" Erky squirted Space Pants with the Command spray.  "Sleep!"

"That's not how that works!" said Space Pants, batting away the mist.  "Here, I'll show you how it's done."

Space Pants wove some aberrant syllables together into a hideous incantation.  Though it seemed the felis was casting a spell on Erky, at the last second he turned around and targeted Zumies.  A twisted crown of jagged iron appeared on the rogue's head.  Despite being half-elven, the cat's magic was powerful enough to overcome Zumies's will.

"What the-- yargh!!"

Erky whirled his head around in time to see Zumies throwing a punch at him.  The gnome cleric/barbarian dodged backwards, throwing his full weight squarely into the door, knocking it open.


Bright bluish-green light shined through the open doorway, illuminated by a brilliant flame-like energy floating over the tip of a short sword.  The sword - a rather unusual design - swung around to shine its light on Erky, revealing the features of its wielder. 

A burly badger-man, with broad shoulders, a simple tunic over a chain shirt, and carrying a bag slung over his shoulder and a strange device on his belt, had been picking over the bodies of the slain goblins.  He stood as tall as a human, and his hands ended in vicious claws, suitable whether for digging or for a fight.  Startled by the door crashing open, his first instinct was to defend himself, but when he saw the room was full of adventurers - the very adventurers he had heard about from the kobolds upstairs, most likely - he immediately calmed down, his face settling to a friendlier expression in a moment.

"Oh!" the badger-man lowered his blade, but kept it in front of him, holding it like a torch.  "Oh, uhh... Good, or bad?"

Erky rolled over and began climbing to his feet.  Before he could reply, however, Space Pants intervened by shouting, "Look, look!  Zumies has gone flippin' crazy, and he's-- haha!" The cat couldn't help but laugh at himself. "--he's attacking Erky!  Everybody wake up!"

"Argh, one of these days, cat..." Erky stood up, brushed himself off, and responded gruffly.  "We should be asking you that question, sir.  I've not seen a people such as yourself before.  Who are you?"

The badger looked on as the people in the bunk room clambered over themselves.  He wasn't sure what to make of these adventurers, but ultimately, it didn't matter too much - so long as he could gain a few customers. 

"Ah, yes, of course.  My name's Zeke.  Zeke Barrens, nice to meetcha!  I'm a traveling merchant.  I go around scavenging places for loot and sell it!  You guys interested in seeing what I've got?"

Meepo squinted his eyes and shook his head.  Something about the badger fighter/rogue seemed awfully familiar to him, but he couldn't place it.  Drowsy, the kobold laid his head back down and tried to go back to sleep.

"Ask him if he's got any catnip!" Space Pants called from within the room.  "Erky!  Ask him if he has catnip!"

"I do have catnip!" the badger exclaimed.  "I can hook you up.  Have you ever tried 'Salsa Verde?'"

"...Prob-- probably," said Space Pants.  "How much do ya got?"

"Here, why don't we step into my shop?"

Zeke took a step back, then reached for the odd device on his belt.  The device was hexagonally-shaped, had a metal casing, and a glass display on the front, with symbols and characters no one in the party had ever seen before.  Zeke tapped on the screen, and a beam shot out of it, projecting a hole onto the floor, complete with a mesmerizing light-up sign.


"Come on in!"  With that, Zeke jumped down into the hole, passing through easily.

"Let's jump right in!" ratNAROk hopped into the hole without a second's thought.

"So, to be clear..." said Space Pants, ruminating.  "I'm just gonna point the facts out to everyone.  A badger just showed up at random, told me that he has catnip - which nobody ever has, ever - and now he's tellin' us all to jump into his hole."

"It's called a 'sett,'" said Edward.  "I don't know about you, but I'm staying put and finishing my rest.  I've got one more spell in me unless I get my beauty sleep."

"Likewise," grumbled Meepo.

Zeke poked his head up out of the hole.  "I heard you, and I've got plenty of room in here if you want to sit and rest.  I've got a fire, some stuff to eat, a nice, cozy common area.  Up to you!"  He ducked back down into the hole.

Edward groaned.  "Do we really want to trust a badger we just met in the basement of a dungeon and jump into a hole he just pulled out of nowhere?"

"He said he's got food," said Zumies.  "Maybe he has ice cream."  Zumies jumped down into the hole.

"...Ice cream??" Edward was surprised.  "Are you secretly a noble, or do you just have really extravagant taste?"

"He's wearing half the jewelry we've found since we got here," said Space Pants.  "You tell me.  Either way, let's follow the rat."

"He's a skunk," said Meepo, still with his eyes closed.

"I meant our rat, ratNAROk.  But yeah, him too."

ratNAROk, Zumies, Bubb, and Erky climbed down into the hole.  The entrance lead to a ten-foot wide hallway of solid dirt.  Claw marks along the walls gave evidence that the tunnel was dug out by hand - or, rather, by burrowing claws.  A few roots stuck out from a wall just ahead, likely from some tree above.  Just ahead, the badger man waved them in as he himself disappeared through a ramshackle door at the end of the hall.


Through the door, the tunnel gave way to an expansive space, seven feet high all around, illuminated by a bonfire set south-east of center of the room.  Zeke was already at the fire, sitting on a log, roasting some type of meat.  "Make yourselves at home!  Sorry about the goblin bodies, ah... They weren't exactly keen on doing fair business, if you catch my meaning.  If you need any arrows, you can pull them out of the wall back there.  Had to do lots of running to get out of that scrape..." 

"Wow, you've got a lot of room in here!" said Zumies.

"Yeah," Zeke said, mildly boastful.  "I dug it out myself.  I've had a lot of time since I retired adventuring.  Needed a base-- er, place to stay.  Well... yeah, a base."  Zeke took a bite of meat, then withdrew a strange, rectangular device from his pocket.  As he looked into the device, he tapped it, and the side facing him lit up.  He tapped it a few more times, and from somewhere in the room, a bouncy shop theme started playing.  The badger put the device back in his pocket without offering any explanation.

Zumies looked all around the large room, scanning the items on the tables.  There were potions, a dagger, a few swords, some scrolls, and, in the back, a few items that appeared to be of dwarven artifact quality.  "What do you have in the way of potions?"

"Ah, in that corner there," Zeke pointed towards the northeast table.  "Healing, Greater Healing, Keoghtom's Ointment, ah... There are a few others, I kinda forget what they are."

On the table next to the healing potions were vials of unknown use.  One looked like tomato soup, but appeared to be bubbling inside.  Another was a clear liquid that glowed with a white light.  Yet another was a liquid in a translucent brown bottle, except the bottle itself - including the stopper - could be partially seen through.

Bubb stepped up to a slice of tree trunk near the fire, producing a wooden cask and a deck of tarot cards.  "What shall we trade?"

Zeke looked at the tarot cards, and frowned.  "Um... is this magic?  I'm not real good with magic."  He stammered a bit, trying not to reveal that the cards reminded him of someone.  "You might've guessed by now I'm from a different world than yours.  There wasn't any magic on my world, not until--"

Bubb, not listening, opened the cask - which, as it turned out, was one of the casks from the goblins' lair that formerly held black pepper.  Zeke was cut off by the sudden stench of peppered, rotting goblin carcass, stuffed inside the cask for safe-keeping.  "Spicy.  Now trade."

"Hoo, wow..." Zeke turned his head as his eyes watered from the horrible stench.  "You know what, dude, I'm good.  I've already got more goblin carcasses in here than I care to have - and they're fresh, just butchered 'em myself, not that it matters, but thank you very much.

Bubb closed the cask and shrugged its shoulders.  "Your loss."

Zeke wrung his hands together.  "Not to give the wrong impression, I am open to trade.  I'd prefer coin, but I'll hear an offer if you've got one to make."

Zumies took a closer look at the dagger on the table.  It was clearly magical, had a feather attached to its pommel, and had a hook on the underside like a gutting knife.  There was also a longsword, that glowed with a slight blue sheen.  This was magical as well, but otherwise plain-looking, probably without any special function.  Next to that was a rapier, pulled slightly out of its scabbard.  The part of the blade that was exposed glowed with a pale light, like moonlight.

Moving on to the far back row, Zumies found the high-ticket items - the dwarven artifact aisle.  His eyes fell squarely on the most expensive item in the room.


Zumies's mouth watered just looking at it, and he struggled to guess how many zeroes were at the end of its price.  "Ah, of course you'd notice Fightappears!  This is really something how they did this - they wove the adamantine strands through the bow part like a fiber, which gives it extra tensile strength.  You'd need to be a really strong individual to pull it back - but if you can, its bolt will fire with armor-piercing power!  That's my prize item, though.  I'm looking for at least 189,000 gold for that one."

"189,000?!" Zumies' eyes bugged out of his head.

"Well, look at it!  It's adamantine, that stuff is super rare.  Most people don't even believe it exists!  There's a legend that it's used to trap... clowns? Or something, I don't really know the whole story and might have misunderstood a word or two. Again, 'from an alien world' and all that!"

"Well then, I'll just take..." the rogue paused, eyeing up the badger, then all the goblin bodies on the ground, "...a couple of health potions, then."

Bubb walked past the dwarven artifacts, and went back to the gutting knife.  Then, Bubb's head leaned back until its mouth unhinged a full one-hundred eighty degrees.  A writhing mass of flies and maggots spewed forth from its jaw like boiling, writhing, black winged mud, until gold coins started spitting out of the gruesome geyser onto the floor.  After about twenty coins had fallen, Bubb pulled its head back together, looked at the badger, and said, "Is this enough?"

Zeke steadied his gaze, taking great effort to hide the fact that the meat he'd just eaten at the fire had found its way back up into his throat.  "Ah, the Barbed Dagger of Returning!  Yes, this knife is very special.  The trick to that one is you can throw it, and then, with a flick of the wrist, recall it back to your hand.  As in, it will rip itself out of whatever it's embedded in to fly back into your open hand - and, I see you've noticed the gutting edge, so you can imagine how lethal that can be."  The badger looked down at the ground.  "You are short by about, uh, 3,980 gold though.  But, again, I am open to trade!"

Bubb looked down at the coins, bent to pick them up, and slid them back into its mouth, without saying a word.

Zeke watched the strange, metallic cleric pick up his meager coinage, and began to see the pattern emerging here.  "I think I see what's going on here.  You guys are, ah..."

"Poor?" said Zumies.

"Cheap?" said Bubb.

"New to this adventuring life," said Zeke, with a smile.  "Tell ya what... How about you guys do me a little favor, and I'll lower my prices a bit?"

ratNAROk had already taken out a dagger and stabbed himself in the palm.  "Yes!  We shall make our agreement in blood!"  He held his bloody hand and the dagger out to Zeke.

"Whoa, whoa!  Wait a minute, I haven't even..." As if noticing ratNAROk for the first time, Zeke's shock was immediately replaced with wonder as he assessed the meadowguard.  "Are you... Where are you from, my good mouse folk, if I may ask?"

"I'm from a region just outside of the Confederacies of Targeting, in the Southwest," said ratNAROk.  "My village was ransacked and destroyed by bandits.  By Nushrat, I will avenge them."

As soon as he said the name of the region, Zeke visibly deflated.  For a moment, there was excitement in his eyes, but that moment had passed.  "Ah, I see, alright... That's cool... Uh, how's it been over there?"

"Eh," said ratNAROk.  "Could use a lot more killin', if you ask me."  ratNAROk pointed at the swords.  "Do you have anything bigger?"

Zeke looked at the swords.  "Ah... not at the moment, no, but I can keep an eye out if you're looking for something specific?"

ratNAROk hefted his masterwork, silvered great axe.  "I have this great axe, right?  But it's nothing special.  I'm looking for something like... something along the line of a nodachi."

Zeke scrunched his nose.  "A no... onoda.. I'm sorry, I'm not from this world, there are a few words I still don't know.  What is that?"

"Imagine a katana, but grotesquely large."

"Kat... kata... katah nah..." the badger tried the word a few times.

"Big thin curved blade."

"Right.  Okay.  Well, I don't have anything like that at the moment, but I do get around a lot.  Traveling around and hunting for treasure is my business - for now, anyway.  If I find anything like that on my travels, I'll set it aside for you.  I'm assuming you guys will be doing this for a while, yeah?  Then we're likely to run into each other again."

"Ok traveling merchant man, you keep an eye out for anything big - no matter what it is."

"I am interested in this sword," said Sergei, holding the magic longsword.

"Ah, yes!  A fine weapon, that one.  No extra bells or whistles, just a good ol' magic sword."

"It enhances accuracy and damage?"

"You bet!  That'll be 500 gold."

Sergei offered his masterwork longsword.  "Could I interest you in this?"

Zeke inspected the sword, nodding appreciatively at its craftsmanship.  "It's nice!  But... it's not magical.  I'd take it as part of a trade, but not by itself."

"Look at this, man," said Meepo, trying to talk up its value.  "It's made so well.  See the emeralds inlaid in the pommel?  And this pommel, this isn't brass, it's 12 karat rose gold!"

Zeke rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck.  While not doing anything overtly intimidating, his body language gave off a Commanding Presence.  "It is a very nice sword, but unfortunately, it's still not magical, and that matters against certain monsters.  Like... ghosts, for example."

"Or wraiths," said Space Pants.

"Right, same thing."

"No it ain't.  No, it definitely ain't."

Zumies offered Zeke the dwarven, aluminum flask he had found earlier.  "Here, it's got a hundred-year old prickleberry wine in it.  Can I trade you this for a couple of health potions?  I have a hundred gold for another pair.  Dunno how much the wine's worth, but you can have it as a gift."

Zeke perked up, happy to finally make a deal.  "Yeah, that sounds great!  I'm happy to do that - and I'll remember the wine, as a favor."

By this time, the rest of the party grew concerned and decided to come down into the hole.  Like the others, they looked around in awe at the size of the place once they saw the main chamber.

"Welcome, welcome!  Come right in."   

Meepo, seeing Zumies trading for health potions, did the same, offering a necklace he found and some extra cash.  As he did this, he noticed Zumies pulling out the pewter necklace and pewter scepter from his pack.

"Hey, where you get those?  Isn't that party loot?"

"I think he's been grabbing things without telling us," said Edward, admonishingly.

"I don't think Edward's had a chance to identify them," said Space Pants.  "When were you gonna tell us you had those?"

"Speaking of, what those?" Meepo pointed to the items in Space Pants's hands.

"These?" The cat dropped the two bucklers they had found in the last fight.  "These need identified.  One of 'em's got a big knife on the front of it, the other I think is just a regular buckler.

Edward looked the bucklers over.  The standard-looking buckler was actually a parrying buckler, which provided little benefit on its own but granted a chance to dodge as a reaction.  The other with the blade on the front was a standard buckler providing minimal protection, with a magical enchantment to make it as good as a shield - and the blade could function as a light weapon.

"What are these other artifacts back here?" Meepo asked, pointing again at the big ticket aisle.  "Nobody asked what those do yet, did they?"

"Ah, no, not other than the crossbow.  Let me explain."


"This ring is very special," said Zeke.  "When you attune to this ring, it will forcibly unattune all other items you are attuned to.  You can't attune to any other items while attuned to this one, and you unattune from this item as soon as you stop wearing it.  While wearing this ring, you'll have an advantage when saving against any effect that lasts multiple turns."  The badger scratched his head.  "I think that's everything, I'm just reciting the instructions that were given to me.  Like I said, I'm not real good with magic myself."  He looked at the ring again.  "Let me see, it's all oak, so... I'd say 900 gold.  Been having a little trouble selling that one."


"No no no, please don't put that on!  It'll get stuck to you, you'll have to put the ring on to get it off.  It contains the spirit of some ancient warrior, a barbarian who went beyond rage and gave in to insanity.  While wearing it, you'll fight with that warrior's insane strength, but you'll want to fight everything you see.  You will not rest until everything around you is dead - meaning you might very well exhaust yourself to death first.  I, ah, don't know if I want to sell that, to be perfectly honest.  4,575 gold, if you really want it."

"Erky wanted to touch it," said the voice of Momuz Freeman in Erky's head.  "Do it, Erky.  Listen to Space Pants.  Maybe he was right all along."


"This earring grants you the boon of a turtle!" Zeke said so triumphantly, though his delivery sort of sounded like he did not truly realize the meaning of his own words.  "Three times per day, if you can react to an attack, you can blunt it for half the damage.  I'm looking for 9,000 gold for that one."

Space Pants stared at the badger as he said his price.  As he spoke, he laced his words with aberrant enchantment, seeking to sneak a subtle Suggestion at him.  "Hey, Mr. Badger, we're your friends.  You should help us by giving us a 25% discount on all items.  You want to be our friend, don't you?"

Zeke paused, thinking hard about the cat's words.  "I mean, I guess I could go for eight... seven... err, 6,750 gold.

"We still can't afford that," said Meepo.

"Well, like I was saying, I'd be open to lowering my prices for a favor!  I've heard that, nearby, there's a nest of fire snakes.  And boy, do I love fire snake eggs!"

"It's the omelet that cooks itself!" said ratNAROk.

"That's right!  I'd like you guys to fetch a few eggs for me.  But beware!  Once you disturb their nest, they'll fight hard to defend it, and they can be very nasty.  Not as easy as it sounds.  But, if you bring me back some eggs, I'll lower some of my prices."

"What if we trade you Erky for the crossbow?" said Space Pants.

"What kind of sick, degenerate--" Erky stopped mid-sentence.  "I mean... yes!  Sure, I'm for trade!  Anything to get away from these guys."

Zeke raised an eyebrow.  "Sorry, not in the people-trading business.  You really want to get away from them though, eh?"

"Don't undersell yourself," said ratNAROk.  "You're worth at least that crossbow, plus something else."

"I mean, I am a cleric of Thrathdad.  Among her domains are duty, generosity, and charity.  Definitely good to have around while searching for treasure, no?"

"As you can see," said Space Pants, "Erky is an excellant liar.  And he's a crazy, murderous fool.  Totally worth a crossbow.  Act now, and we'll throw in Zumies."

"Space Pants," said Edward, "You realize you have no hope of pulling that crossbow back, right?"

"Oh, I don't want to use it," said Space Pants.  "I just want to trade Erky for an inanimate object."

Zeke decided to change the subject.  "You were asking about catnip, right?  I've got the Kuba, the Salsa Verde, and I've got Cha Cha."

"How much for all of it?"

"...250 gold."

"So you're tellin' me you'll trade me all of your catnip for this fine gnome here?"

Zeke's mouth twitched.  "I'm, ah, not doing that, no.  Sorry, not trading for people."

"How about pets?" suggested Zumies.  "You want a cat?"

"He's housetrained," added Meepo.

"Definitely not."

Space Pants held up his paws and pretended like he was counting on his claws.  "So... how many catnips can I buy..."

"There's five uses per--"

"--for Zumies?"

"...There's five uses per stack."

"Deal.  I'll trade you Zumies, you can have Erky just to sweeten the pot, and I'll give you five bucks.  I mean gold.  Five gold bucks."

"I'm starting to think Space Pants isn't from this world, either," said ratNAROk.

"Alright, I'm gonna sweeten the deal even more: No Erky.  There, you don't have to deal with him, we'll keep him and you just take Zumies."

"No, no!" Erky complained, "I already said I'm going with him."

"Come on, Erky, you're not goin' with him, nobody wants you, we're stuck with you, just get in the... go over by the fire."

"Ay, stakish nah kah..." Zeke muttered something in his home language, put his face in his palm and shook his head.

"Sir," Alefgard spoke up for the first time, "Sir, I have been very patient."

Zeke looked up with a start.  "Um-- yes!  Sure, how can I--"

"Do you have.  A ****ing.  Coffee."

"...Coming right up."

"Thank you."

"Make that two!" added Edward.

"I'll take a coffee if it gives me a rage back," said ratNAROk.

"The coffee is complimentary because we're spending so much money here," said Space Pants, "isn't that right, Zeke?"

"Um... I mean, it's complimentary because I'm a nice guy."  Zeke reached into a duffel bag next to his log by the fire, and pulled out a can.  The can had a brightly-colored label printed on in such a way that none of the party have ever seen before, with bold symbols they couldn't make out, but once opened there was no mistaking the aroma of a fresh ground dark roast.  Zeke poured some coffee grounds into a metal percolator, added water from a bottle of an odd, see-through material, and set it over the fire.

"So, Zeke," Space Pants made small talk while the coffee brewed.  "Tell us about this shop of yours."

"Of course!  This is my sett.  This place exists because of an invention of a good friend of mine from way back, who called himself Light Defender.  Have you ever heard of the spell 'Magic Mansion?'  Basically, this is a lesser version of that, enchanted over my telep-- this device here.  Just one tap, and a gateway to this pocket dimension appears, wherever I choose to leave it."  The badger had a nostalgic smile.  "I don't pretend to understand it.  Like I said, I'm no good with magic... but a long time ago, I actually did have a spellbook, only briefly.  It was linked to a goddess named Psyche, and spells would appear in the book whenever I'd accidentally unlock them through moments of extreme emotion.  But, that chapter of my life closed long ago, and I no longer have that book or its power.  All for the better, to be honest."

Space Pants feigned interest.  "Cool, cool.  So can you store people in here?"

"Oh, yeah!  I mean, I can spend days, even weeks in here.  I live here.  As long as that hole is somewhere on the surface so I can get back, there's no problem."

"So, could you leave, and someone else stay in here?"

"Well, technically yes, but this place is bound to this device.  If I drop the hole and then walk away with the device, the hole will disappear."

"What if we need to hide a body in it, living or dead, sometimes?"

Zeke turned around and stared at one of the goblin corpses for a while, considering.  "I suppose that depends on what kind of business you're into.  And what it's worth to you.  After all, this here is a storefront."

"Hear me out, Zeke," said the cat.  "You should come with us.  I don't know what you're doin' in this dungeon, but you're around, we're around... We could-- no, Erky could manage your shop, and you could come with us!"

Zeke laughed.  "That sounds great, if a bit unexpected.  To be honest, I'm on a bit of a mission of my own.  See, I've already done my adventuring, and I retired from that long ago - at least, that's what I told myself.  But the whole reason I opened up this shop is because of a bit of unfinished business."

"Go on," said Space Pants.

Zeke paused a long time, as if carefully weighing whether to divulge this information.  "...Well, I'm trying to stop my brothers. They-- wait, hold on."  He pulled out the device from his pocket again, tapped it a few times, and the music in the room changed again, this time to something a bit heavier, a little sadder.  "I come from a big family.  I'm the youngest of 8 brothers--"

"Wow," said Edward.

"Yeah, let me back up a bit.  I'm from a world called T'zen.  All the people there are like... tall versions of what you call 'animals' here.  Not all are badgers like me, but everyone in my family tree is a badger.  That's why I asked where you were from," he said to ratNAROk.  "I thought maybe there was a chance you had come from my world, too."

"Oh, but you didn't care if I did?" said Space Pants, the cat.

"You, my friend, clearly aren't from this world either - but it's also obvious you're not from mine, because there's no magic on my world.  Well, that was until--"

"Okay, okay great," interrupted Space Pants.  "Who are we against?  Who are we going to kill for you?"

"My brothers run a crime syndicate," Zeke blurted out.

"Oh, terrific.  Sounds shady."

"Yeah.  On my world, I don't tell people I'm a 'Barrens.'  But I'm the youngest, the black sheep of the family, and I've been trying to bring them down my whole life - but, that's only gotten harder the longer it's taken me to do it.  At this point, they've completely infiltrated the world government and basically rule the world."

"'World' government?" asked Edward.  "You mean, like one government running the entire world?"

"T'zen has many nations that all answer to one united super-government," Zeke explained.  "It happened as a response to widespread corruption within various nations, but it was already so bad that the shift only delayed the inevitable.  Now they're at the top of everything, and there's no way to touch them."

"Well, how the hell did they get so powerful?"

"Because my brother, Jahn, the current head of the Barrens Mafia, was the first on our world to discover magic.  And he tested it first on me.  The first thing he did with it was teleport me to some random world - a pocket dimension, called Mercia, where I found myself stranded with nothing but the clothes on my back, and my grandfather's sword.  I couldn't speak the language, so I made my living cleaning some potion dealer's floors until I learned how.  Well... actually, there's more to it than that, but I digress.  Bottom line, I eventually left that world, went home... and then, Jahn teleported me away again, this time to Buzong Xömlox."

"Why here?"

"Dunno, but I've got a hunch that I'm not the only one.  He's learned he can use magic to simply push anybody he wants out of his way, and that's exactly what he'll do.  I wouldn't put it past him to start exiling his competition via teleportation, sending them anywhere that isn't home.  I don't know if he'd choose different targets, all the same target, or whatever.  But if he's sent me here, that means it's a place he knows how to teleport people to.  I'm betting there are others of my kind here as well.  So, my goal with this shop is to fund a base for my people - start a home for those of us cast off our homeworld, and build a base from which to strike back and retake T'zen.  However the heck we're gonna do that... I need an army, that's for sure."

"So, to clarify," said Space Pants, "you want to create a new mob to defeat the old mob?"

"...You could put it that way, I guess.  I mean, at this point, I'm willing to try anything."

"Sounds good, man," said ratNAROk.  "I know what it's like losing your home."

"Sounds great.  Me and ratNAROk, we're so in."

"For money," amended ratNAROk.

"For money, yes."

"...You guys are serious?  You want to help?"

"Yeah, sure!"  Both Space Pants and ratNAROk agreed together.

"Killing's like what we do," said Space Pants.

"You know how long we've been stuck in this dungeon?!" said ratNAROk.

"Ask Sergei, I think he ate somebody."

"That was a long time ago," the dragonborn said defensively.

Zeke stood quietly, staring into the flame as he considered, his brow furrowed with a remembrance of pain.  Had it not been clear before, the badger's age was clear now - at least middle-aged, Zeke had the look of someone whose adventuring days were behind him.  He watched the flames dance as memories of friends and loved ones he'd lost along the way came back to haunt him.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm," said Zeke after a long while, "and I do need the manpower if I'm to have any hope of taking my brothers down.  However, I don't know you guys that well yet - and the last time I accepted help blindly, it didn't end well.  Ah... slight tangent, do any of you know what's going on out there with the goblins and the kobolds?  I have a feeling you probably know why they're in a tizzy."

"You could try asking the king of the kobolds himself." Space Pants performed a grand gesture towards Meepo.  "He's sittin' right here."

Meepo perked up, straightening his noble's robes and his crown.  The kobold put his arms out wide and bowed before him, while holding his +platinum crown+ on his head with one claw.  "We killed most of 'em... I think."

"You should bow, Zeke," said ratNAROk.

"No, no, no!  He's not one of my subjects."

"Alright, alright," Zeke said.  "Maybe, maybe... I need to get some things in order first... clean these goblin guts out of here, first of all... Yeah.  Okay, let me give you something... well, next time we meet, ah..." The badger went back and forth for quite a while, trying to make up his mind.  "...Tell ya what, let's take this step by step.  Get me those fire snake eggs, show me you can do that first.  Then, I'll give you guys something that will let you contact me whenever you need.  Sound good?"

"Pocket-dimensional merchant?  Sounds good to me!"  Meepo said.

"Before we leave," said ratNAROk, "I want you to think about something while we're gone... If you were a god, what power would you occupy?"

ratNAROk turned to leave Zeke with that thought, but the badger answered as he's walking away.  "Justice.  ...For the people who deserve it.  ...and, forgiveness, for those who deserve that."

"Isn't that what everybody wants?" said Alefgard.

"I think that's kind of the actual definition of justice, isn't it?" Meepo looked confused.

"Don't answer so fast," said ratNAROk.  "Think about it.  Don't answer until you're certain.  I look forward to us meeting again."

Space Pants walked up to Zeke, took his giant digging claw in his two tiny cat paws, and shook it vigorously.  "Zeke, it was very nice to meet you, I just wanna point out we could have killed you at any time."

"Oh, I would've liked to have seen you try!" Zeke said with a chuckle. 

"One last thing before I go," said the cat, "you got anything that might make me harder to hit?  Something that isn't actually armor.  Like a Ring of Protection?"

"A ring?  Uh, I don't think... wait, actually I might--"

"Nevermind, I found it."

Zeke turned to look, and then rushed over to step between Space Pants and the box he was rummaging through, near the eastern door to his dormitory.  The box contained all manners of weird items - many things made of metal with glass panels and odd writing on them, twisted cables with different kinds of plugs on their ends, and many square, clear, not-glass cases containing shiny, reflective, not-glass discs.  There was something dangling out of the box - a black, fabric strap holding up a strange, metallic device, similar to what Zeke was wearing but with a different sort of screen.

"Oh!  Ha ha, hey, don't touch that, those shouldn't be out, ha ha, why don't we go over here instead?"

"What do you got back there, man?" said ratNAROk.

"Ah, it's just my house!  I'm sorry, you can't come in.  See, I have quite a few things that... don't belong in this world.  And, there are people - or, entities - out there who... don't take kindly to drastically altering a culture's development by introducing them to high technology.

"What?"

"I think he just doesn't want to share his dirty magazines with you," said Space Pants.

Zeke was sweating a little.  He knew what kind of trouble awaited him if he were to break that rule - but, he also really needed their help.  And their money.  "Gee, I just can't imagine what would happen if you were to stumble across my deflector shield..." Zeke bumped the box, causing the strapped device to fall out.

Space Pants stared at the device, then up at Zeke.  "Dirt merchant, I must have this."

"...Okay, fine, no more games.  The simple fact of the matter is, it doesn't belong on your world.  If anybody found out you got this from me... well, it might not end well.  For either of us.  But.  Merely to satisfy your curiosity," he said with a wink to the cat.

"Stop talking.  Wait.  I mean, keep talking."

"If someone were to shoot a missile, or a bullet at you..."

"A missile?  Wait, what's a bullet?"

"...uh, like from a sling.  Or an arrow.  Any small, physical projectile!  As long as that thing's charged, it has a chance of deflecting that projectile away from you."

"I'll take it," said Space Pants.  "Take Erky."

Zeke ignored that.  "See, something like this, since you can't get it anywhere else, I couldn't let it go for less than... 2,000 gold."

"I thought I had so much gold until I came here," complained Space Pants.

"Let's get those snake eggs," said Edward, "then maybe this stuff will be a little more affordable."

"Zeke?" said Meepo, "Do you happen to know if we need a magic weapon to hurt the fire snakes?  And also, can we finish our rest here by your fire?"

"Oh, yes, of course!  As for--"

"Great, tell them."  Meepo immediately curled up next to the fire and went to sleep.

"...Right.  As for the fire snakes, yeah, they resist non-magical attacks, and are immune to fire.  Try using cold against them!  I think there's a nest of wild ones somewhere around those gardens, but if you go into goblin territory, through the door in the northeast of the room we came from, I think they have a nest of tamed ones.  You'll probably get better eggs there.  Anyway, I'll go whip up a pot of beefstew if you guys are sticking around to finish your rest.  Make yourselves at home!"

Zumies looked up at Zeke and asked, hopefully, "Do you have any ice cream?"

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Ten goblin bodies - between them, five short bows and four short swords - were currently serving as fresh fertilizer for the blight garden, or at least they would be if all the blights weren't dead as well.  The battle won, the party went at ease, basking in the violet, fluorescent light emanating from the fungus all around them.

As Bubb's flies picked over the bodies, the cleric searched the goblins, collected all the coins they were carrying, and divided them up.  "Here.  9 gold and some change for everybody."

"Kinda cheap for taking down such a big guy, isn't it?" said Edward.

"What about that?" Sergei pointed at the mass of branches and vines that was the elder twig blight.  "Something must have created such a large mass.  Surely there must be a device of some sort to find."

"Good idea," said Alefgard.  "Let's all take a few minutes to search it thoroughly."


After five minutes of picking through the tangle, no one was able to turn up anything of value.

"Bummer," said ratNAROk.  "Well, you know what that means!  We gotta kill some more goblins and try our luck again."  The barbarian failed the notice the twitch of a goblin's finger near his feet.

At this point, four kobolds climbed down the vines of the well shaft equipped with daggers and slings - Snicko, Toblero, Butterfingo, and Shibe. 

Butterfingo stepped forward.  "King Meepo!  We heard fighting, and we came to see whether you were safe!  We are at your command."

"What are you doing?" Meepo exclaimed.  "I told you to stay up top!  It's too dangerous here!"

"But... but we want to fight in your glory!"

"Go stay up top and keep the others safe.  I've got this.  We've got this."

Dejected, the kobolds turned around and climbed back up the vines, muttering as they went.

Before them stood three paths - there was a rough passage visible towards the north, a closed door to the south, and the open doorway the goblins had come from to the east.  The party quieted down so they could listen for a clue.

"...I hear something," said Erky.

"Erky was beginning to like Space Pants, after all," the voice of Momuz Freeman answered in his head.

"Don't make me get the spray bottle, cat!  Seriously, though, I think I hear kobolds whimpering through that open door."

"Kobolds?"  Meepo turned with purpose.  Without waiting for the rest of the party, Meepo walked through the door.  The next room featured two rows of dragon-carved pillars, much like rooms they had seen before, with three doors on either side of the hall.  Luminescent fungus covered the pillars and walls, and the cracked cobblestone floor was covered in black and brown stains.  Tables lined the walls, covered with mortars and pestles, tools, mushroom stalks, and plant specimens.  He already knew what else he was about to find.


Hostages.  He recognized these ones, too - Larro, Curlo, and Mo.  Long had the Chukujrulus tribe been at war with the goblins, so much that the practice of capturing and trading hostages in exchange for brief truces had become commonplace.  We had four before, and I don't know how many they captured as they were fleeing.  I have no clue how many of us they might have, but I think we've got more than they do.

One of the goblins spoke.  "Stop!  Surrender now, or we kill 'em!"

Space Pants peeked through the door to get eyes on the goblins.  Seeing Zumies getting ready to sneak in, he cast Invisibility on the rogue.  Then, he sent a telepathic message to Meepo.  "When it happens, untie your friends."

Both invisible and wearing Boots of Elven Kind, the rogue was as inconspicuous as the wind.  Zumies slipped into the room, sneaking between a pillar and a kobold to get around it.  He bumped into the kobold, but it kept its cool, realizing it was being helped and staying still to keep the goblin holding it from becoming aware.

At that point, with no warning or visible act of spell casting, a glowing crown of thorns appeared over the head of the goblin who had spoke to them first.  With a crazed look in his eye, he looked at the nearest targets - two of the kobolds, and the goblin next to him - and chose one at random.  The goblin cut down the kobold standing in the center.

"No, not him!"  Space Pants cried out.  "That's not who I wanted you to-- damn, I'm gonna have to be more specific next time."

The goblins looked over - they didn't know who cast the spell, but the glowing effects of the spell made it obvious the goblin was under something's control.

"They're attacking!  Now!!"

All at once, four of the six doors in the hall burst open, with Meepo standing alone in the center.

"Raughh!!"  A bellowing roar came from Meepo's north.  With blinding speed, a bugbear - a ferocious, hairy beast, wearing hide armor, an iron codpiece held up by a chain, and wielding a nasty spiked morningstar - burst through the door and rounded the pillar, swinging his morningstar at Meepo in the same movement.  The surprise attack clocked the kobold across the jaw, knocking teeth loose.

"That's him-- Balsag!" Alefgard called out.

"He swears he got that name out of the book," reminded Edward.

A pack of giant rats, apparently tamed by the bugbear, swarmed out and circled around Balsag and Meepo.  Numerous goblins came pouring out of the warrens as well.

"It's show time, boys!"  Sergei moved ahead and threw a dagger, but it was narrowly deflected by a goblin's shield.  "Don't back down, Meepo!  We're right behind you!" Sergei shouted a Rallying Cry at his kobold ally.

Edward studied the bugbear a moment, and then grinned.  He grabbed his lute and began strumming - starting with low notes, strumming rapidly and reaching higher notes, Balsag's iron codpiece began to get hotter, and hotter, and hotter.

"Ow-- OW!!"  Balsag danced back and forth, searing pain assaulting his namesake.  Meepo took advantage of the distraction and placed both hands on the bugbear's chest, Inflicting Wounds and causing serious necrotic damage.

Careful so as not to remove his invisibility, Zumies withdrew a dagger and carefully started cutting at the kobold's restraints.  He was able to loosen it enough that the kobold's hands were probably free, but still looked to be tied up.

"The jig is up - cut them down!"

Just as Zumies had begun to free a kobold, the goblins decided they had no further use for them.  The goblins stabbed them in their backs, and they fell to the ground, lifeless.  Zumies, still invisible, backed against a wall and swore to make the goblins pay for this.  Now, he just needed to wait for the right moment.  Three lives for the three they took.  Let's go.

Bubb raised its hands, and a buzzing sound filled the air.  In the middle of the battlefield, a Spiritual Weapon -a spectral sword with giant fly wings - appeared and started swinging at the goblins.  ratNAROk charged in and put pressure to the goblins as well.

"Baboon, get in there!"  Alefgard directed.

The baboon - who had been summoned from Alefgard's bag of tricks a day ago - ran into the room, its teeth bared, screeching as it found a target - and then, as it neared, its body faded and disappeared.

"Ah... oh.  Darn.  I didn't even ask its name."


Balsag squirmed his way out of the searing hot codpiece.  Exposed and winded from the targeted attacks on him, he leapt away, dodging a slash from Meepo's sacrificial dagger as he ducked behind a pillar and reached for a vial on his belt.

"Not so fast!"  Meepo rushed forward, before Balsag's giant rats could move in to cover him, and launched a Guiding Bolt at the bugbear before he could drink his healing potion.  The bolt pierced his hand, his torso, and his other hand, and then Balsag fell over, dead.

The giant rats screeched in rage, and swarmed all around Meepo, seeking revenge for their fallen master.  The goblins, shaken after watching their lieutenant killed, moved in as well, surrounding Meepo on all sides between two pillars.

"Rats!  Get away from him, you mangy vermin!"  Sergei stepped up to the door where the rats and Balsag had come from, and cut into the nearest rat.  He looked around - the other rats were already out, moving too fast for him to get a good look at them.  He could see two more goblins still in the room, waiting for space to come out.  "I'll hold them off here!"

"Don't worry, Meepo, we've got you!"  Edward shouted a Healing Word at the kobold, just in time.  Scimitars slashed, teeth gnashed, and Meepo took flanking assaults from all angles.  He dodged about half, surviving but cut up badly.  Just as he thought it was over, he turned and saw the last rat, different from the others.  Apparently overlooked in the midst of the fight, one of the rats was much smaller than the others - not a runt, but gaunt, skin clinging to its ribs, one eye bulging from its head, oozing pus down its cheek.

"Uh oh."

The diseased rat lunged and, with Meepo surrounded, found an easy spot to sink its teeth in.  Meepo yelped, feeling the burn of infection immediately.

With the goblins and rats all focused on Meepo, Zumies brandished his daggers and stepped out of hiding.

"Now."

A flash of steel, and one goblin was dead.  Zumies pulled the knife from its back and, before any could react, snuck behind another who had climbed on top of one of the tables and sliced an artery in its thigh.  He then slipped back into the shadows, moving towards the back of the room where the enemy wasn't looking.  Two down.  One more to avenge all three.

Space Pants mocked the goblins.  "You should give up!  We killed your leader, we trashed your home, and we're not stopping there.  Throw down your weapons and we might let you live."

The goblins looked at each other, then at Balsag's body.  One by one, they started to lower or drop their weapons.

"Faster."  Bubb directed its Spiritual Weapon to strike down one of the goblins who hadn't yet let go of its sword.

"They're not stopping!"  One of the goblins shouted.  "All for themselves!"

The goblins snatched up their weapons and rushed in, insulted by the ruse.  Erky put himself between a goblin and Alefgard and blocked a strike from a scimitar with his own.  ratNAROk laughed as he laid into more goblins, his silvered greataxe gleaming as it sprayed blood where he swung it.

"Fair enough."  Bubb grabbed the nearest goblin by its throat, picked it up, and channeled energy into a more powerful Inflict Wounds.  The goblin rotted to death as it struggled in Bubb's grasp.  First its left arm fell off, then its right, then its jaw as it opened its mouth to scream.

Another goblin retaliated, striking at Bubb with his scimitar.  "Wow, you fight dirtier than we do!  Too bad you're gonna die here!"

Edward heard a noise behind him.  Just in time, he'd turned around to see a zombie - one of the goblins they'd killed in the previous room, coming through the door behind them where they came from.  "Crap!  Where did you come from?"  Edward stuck the zombie with his rapier, but it wasn't quite enough to bring it down.  He turned his head and shouted another Healing Word at Meepo.  "Hang in there, we're right behind you!"

Meepo caught his breath.  There were six combatants on him, and a pillar on either side - nowhere to run, hopeless to fight them all.  He knew he wouldn't survive another round like this.  He glanced down at his sacrificial dagger - taken from a dragonpriest, gifted to his clan leader, and then taken back from her when he took her place.  The silvered blade was polished to perfection, and for a moment, he saw his reflection in it.  To come so far, for it to end like this...

Then, he had an idea.  A small, silver mirror... That's it!

Meepo held the dagger in both hands and plunged it into the ground, through a crack in the cobblestone floor.  A brilliant light surrounded him, casting a Sanctuary to protect him from further assault.

The rats, still furious about losing their master, refused to comprehend what was happening, and each attempted to bite Meepo through the protective field.


With impeccable timing, all three giant rats happened to strike the field at the exact same time, failing impressively.

"Wow, what are the odds of that?" said Alefgard.

Zumies shot a crossbow bolt through the skull of a goblin that wasn't looking.  Glancing around, he saw one of the archers panicking and heading towards the north door on the far side of the room.  He moved ahead, slipping behind a pillar with his daggers drawn, and waited for the goblin to reach the door.  With its back turned to Zumies, it hesitated when it reached the door to open it - Zumies took his attack of opportunity then, given a moment it had to pause before getting away, and killed it before it could open the door and call for reinforcements.  That's four.  Keep 'em coming.

In the room Sergei was blocking, one of the goblins had opened and rummaged through a chest inside, while the other attacked Sergei through the door.  Finding something useful, it shouted something in goblin.  Its partner disengaged and stepped back, and the other goblin stepped forward holding a scimitar in one hand, and a bucker in the other, forged of nickel silver and featuring a large spike on the front.  It slashed with the scimitar, and then made a punching attack with the pointed buckler, catching the dragonborn off guard with a poke to the ribs.

"Oof!  They're getting desperate."  Sergei glanced around, and nearly did a double-take.  "ratNAROk!  You're covered in blood - and most of it's you're own!  Tell us when you need healing!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!"  ratNAROk ignored his wounds and continued to attack recklessly.

"You'd better stay on your feet, mouse!"  Edward used another Healing Word to keep him in the fight.

Space Pants held Nightcaller in his hands.  It had been twelve hours since he had last used it, meaning it would be another twelve before the artifact's magic returned.  "Man, where's Cutter when I need him?"  Space Pants blew the whistle anyway, blatantly disregarding the rules of the item.

Somewhere, something smiled.  The corpse of one of the slain giant rats rose as a skeletal rat.  As its bones slid from its skin and stood on their own, it began attacking its fellows.  Space Pants blinked.  He tried to identify what had happened, but was at a total loss.  All he knew was that that shouldn't have worked - and it felt like something might have helped him.

"Huh... I'm sure that will have absolutely no repercussions down the line."

Frightened by the sight of the skeletal rat, the goblins turned and focused their attention on it.  It landed a good bite or two, but was not as hearty as the other skeletons the device had risen, given the item was only half-way charged.

"And, that's it.  Cutter 4 is down.  Great.  Wonderful.  Fantastic job.  Who am I kidding?  Nobody will ever beat the original.  Hey Erky, remember when Cutter 1 dragged you back to us?"

Erky cast Cure Wounds on ratNAROk - but just then, a goblin leapt on top of a table next to him and caught his ear with a scimitar.  "Yargh!!  I'm kinda busy here, cat!"

"Wait... Durnn was 2, who was Cutter 3?" said Edward.

Space Pants pointed at Bubb.  "Him, and he still ain't doing what I tell him!  Nobody follows orders like Cutter Classic did."

Alefgard cast Thunderclap to knock down the zombie that was sneaking up behind them.  "Any more?"

Edward peeked his head through the door.  "I don't see any.  There were kobold zombies down here too, right?"

"Yeah, but what's raising them?  We didn't leave anybody back there, did we?"

The rats continued striking at Meepo's sanctuary, and even a couple of goblins tried to get through - one did, but failed to connect with its scimitar.  The battle raged on, the party still trying to carve a path to Meepo while the kobold held the center of the room with his magic.  In the wake of their leader having fallen, the goblins were determined to finish this fight, one way or another.

9 Malachite, 212, Mid-Summer
=============

Meepo settled into the olivine seat.  Merely an hour ago, he had slain his colony's leader, Yusdrayl, and claimed the throne through a display of might.  The day before that, it was Durnn who sat here, the hobgoblin commander in charge of the goblin offensive keeping the kobolds away from the inner sanctums of their rightful stronghold.  Meepo had seen it time and time again, and this time was no exception - whenever the throne changed hands, it was likely to soon change again.

The general reception of the news of Yusdrayl's fall and Meepo's ascension was positive.  Many in the tribe felt overworked or underappreciated by Yusdrayl, and Meepo had become something of a local celebrity recently, being seen as the one who lead the adventurers against the goblins.  His friends fed with firepit-roasted beef, Meepo acted swiftly to cement his new position. 

"Derpe, my second-in-command."

"Yes, King Meepo?"

King Meepo.  He liked the sound of that.  "Assemble the clan leaders.  I'd like to make a statement, about what direction we're headed as a tribe, and how I intend to lead us there."

The Chukujrulus tribe of kobolds was composed of four main families, or clans.  Migrating north into the routed goblin territory were the Dikoloduldin and the Dibobaglobis.  The Dikoloduldin were excited about change and conquest, but many were openly unhappy with Yusdrayl's working conditions.  The Dibobaglobis were skittish by nature, nervous about change, and concerned with stability of the tribe.  Staying in the original kobold chambers to the south were the Thaboborsnus and the Fakasralbis.  The Thaboborsnus - Meepo's clan - were obedient, but secretive.  They kept to themselves, and had been known to be critical of Yusdrayl's judgement but never out in the open.  Lastly, the Fakasralbis were an agreeable sort, family-oriented, the peacemakers.  They were usually the camp that took on menial tasks for all, such as mending and first aid.

Derpe, of the Dibobaglobis clan, turned and barked at the other three elites standing guard.  "You heard him!  Yolo, get the southern camps."

Yolo, a member of the Thaboborsnus family, gave Derpe a nod and headed for the door.  "At once.  Back in a moment."

Derpe turned to the other two guards.  "Quizno--"

"He's Quizno, I'm Subwo."  The two brothers of the Dikoloduldin clan stood pointing at one another.

"Either one, go and get the leaders of the north camps."

Before they left, Space Pants reached out to read the surface thoughts of Quizno.  "Wow," the kobold thought, "how exciting!  It's about time things changed around here - and for it to be Meepo, of all people!  Nobody expected him to survive being the Keeper of Dragons.  Well, whatever he does, he'd better not think about splitting me up from my brother Subwo."  Space Pants kept that information to himself as he watched the two kobold elites go.

ratNAROk looked around.  "There's gotta be a Qudobwo around here, right?"

"And a Blimpwo," said Edward.

"Sheetzwo," suggested Alefgard.

"McDobodowo," said ratNAROk.

"Flying J-wo," said Alefgard.

"Wawawo?" tried Bubb.


Minutes later, before him stood the leaders of the four families; Twixo of Dikoloduldin, Bofa of Dibobaglobis, Magre of Thaboborsnus, and Varn of Fakasralbis.

"Hey Varn," Alefgard whispered to ratNAROk, "it's me, Ernest."

"White Caswo," whispered back ratNAROk.

"Nutrageo," Alefgard could keep going.

"Meepo!"  Magre, the leader of Meepo's clan, and a master thief in charge of the tribe's treasure hunters, was first to speak.  "This is quite an unexpected surprise.  I am pleased to see one of our own in command - but never would I have suspected that leader to be the Keeper of Dragons.  Congratulations are in order."

Magre wore a cloth mask over his face, but Meepo caught the look in his eye.  Even though they were family, Magre was one to maintain that some of his family were closer than others - and being kept mostly on the outside watching Calcryx with little expectation to survive, Meepo was not one with whom Magre had shared much affection.  From what he knew, and from the look in the kobold thief's eye, it was easy to assume Magre was happy to see a change in leadership, but he wasn't sure if Meepo was who he wanted instead.

"Thank you all for coming," Meepo started.  His knees were shaking beneath his noble's robes, and he hoped the family leaders wouldn't notice.  "I want you to know I've heard how everyone feels about the way things were, and while we're going to make some changes, the stability of the tribe remains most important.  I want everyone to know we're not going to have to work as hard, but we're still going to grow."

Bofa wringed his hands while smiling and nodding.  "Stability, yes!  No need to shake things up!"

Twixo spoke up.  "We're happy to see you in charge!  In couple days you take these outsiders to goblin town and clean them out!  But, what about other goblins?  Surely, they will launch a counter-attack.  How you plan to defend against that?"

"Hah!"  Edward laughed.  "You saw what he did to Yusdrayl, right?  You should've seen him take on a wraith!"

ratNAROk cheered.  "Yeah!  I bet you had no idea little Meepo could kill a ghost!  If those goblins knew better, they'd be packing their things to leave right now."

Meepo would have blushed, if kobolds could blush - and if he weren't sitting on a throne trying to look majestic and under control.  "I plan on taking the fight to them!  My friends here aren't done with those goblins yet.  We're gonna push forward, clean them all out, and then the whole Chukujrulus tribe will have the entire citadel to spread out and settle."

"Clean them out!"  Varn got excited.  "We won't have to fight for our place anymore!  We could grow our numbers in peace!"

"All very promising."  Magre looked Meepo up and down.  "But do you have what it takes to lead?  These adventurers don't intend to stay, do they?  A few days ago, you were scraping dragon dung from the floors.  What strength will you have when they leave?  Can you stand on your own and command the tribe without them?"

Meepo withdrew a pouch from his belt, and dumped its contents onto the floor.  Fifteen goblin ears and five hobgoblin ears smacked against the cold stone floor.  "If anybody doubts me, they're welcome to come and see for themselves.  As for my friends, they are welcome to stay for as long as they wish and are to be treated with respect."

Space Pants glared at Magre, fixating his gaze intensely upon him.  Following this, the kobold spoke.  "I... yes, I see.  I am sorry to cast aspersions upon your leadership.  Your allies are guests here, and shall be treated with hospitality."

"Good.  So, I have your support?"

"Yessss..." Magre narrowed his eyes, wondering why he had said that, and slinked out of the room behind the other leaders.

Space Pants turned to Meepo.  "I don't like his tone."  Then, bored, the cat set his eyes upon Erky, standing in the corner and trying to stay out of this.

"Erky went into a rage."  The voice of Momuz Freeman entered Erky's thoughts again.

"Nope."

"Erky went into a rage."

Erky shook his head.

"Erky went into a rage."

Tormented by the incessant telepathic voice in his head, Erky closed his eyes and took three deep breaths.

"Erky went into a rage."

Erky shook his head, and waggled his finger at Space Pants.

"Erky farted, and hoped no one would notice."

"I did not!"  Erky shouted aloud, to nobody who was audibly talking to him.  Sergei backed away from the gnome reflexively.

The kobold elites were startled by the outburst too.  Meepo leaned over and whispered something to Derpe.  The kobold nodded, then fell back in place.

A single fly slipped away from Bubb and flew down the well.  "Were there not goblin prisoners?  I recall being forbidden from entering a certain room earlier.  Let's interrogate someone."

Quizno snapped to attention.  "Yes!  Those were the hostages we had captured earlier.  We were saving them for a hostage exchange.  We also have new prisoners - many of the commoners who tried to escape fell into our traps."

"Bring me some of the new prisoners."  Meepo tapped the butt of his yklwa on the ground.  Quizno left, and soon returned with three goblin commoners in tow, one small enough to be a child.  "Just one.  Keep the others there.  And shut the door."

The goblin was ushered forward towards the center of the room.  The party closed in around him, as Bubb leaned over him.  "Tell us what you know.  What defenses have the goblins set before us?"

Space Pants translated, having taken up learning to speak goblin for a lark.  The goblin stared at them all with malice, but knew he was in no position to argue.  "Down that well is the twig blight garden.  There's a massive one, called an Elder Twig Blight, that's been cultivated by skeletal gardeners.  Balsag the bugbear commands the forces on this front and has likely prepared for your assault."

"Balsag??" Alefgard laughed.

"He swears he got that name out of the book."

"I think that's with one L, said Edward."

"Ouch.  Poor guy."

"Is this Balsag the one in charge?" Space Pants asked.

"No, he's a lieutenant.  Grenl is our clan's leader, but Belak, the druid of the grove, provides for us and lets us stay here, so we do what he says."

"He's not lying," said Bubb.  "There is indeed a large twig blight down there, and the goblins are prepared.  There are six-- well, was, now five archers posted up behind barrels.  A couple of kobold zombies too, it seems."

"Kobold zombies??" Meepo exclaimed.

"You saw all that with a fly, didn't you?" ratNAROk noted.

Bubb grabbed the goblin by his collar and lifted him up over the edge of the well.

"Wait!  Wait!  I told you what you wanted to know!"

"Thank you."  Bubb dropped the goblin.  His cries echoed up the well as he fell, growing fainter, until ending with a sickening thud on the soft dirt below.

"Quizno, take the others back to their cell.  Let them think about what happened here."  Meepo directed, and the elite guard complied.  The door opened only briefly, but in that short window, the horrified look on the other two goblins' faces was plain to see.

"Okay, me next!"  ratNAROk channeled his fighting fury, entered a rage, and leapt into the well, falling the entire eighty feet down and landing on top of a zombie, who had wandered over to eat the recently dropped goblin.

"Oh," said Meepo.  "Okay, I guess we're doing it this way then."  Meepo picked over Yusdrayl's belongings, set aside for him after her corpse was removed.  Beside the throne were her spell focus - a stone rod set with an amethyst on its head - and the sacrificial dagger they had found in the dragonpriest's tomb.  Meepo took the dagger and gave it a closer inspection - masterwork quality, and silvered, too.  A perfect symbol of Meepo's new station.  He pried the amethyst out of Yusdrayl's spell focus and handed it to Derpe.  "Here, you're in charge while I'm gone.  Let's go!"

I'm enjoying this story quite a bit and was wondering are your writing all this from memory or a recording?

I'm not recording anything, but when I write these updates, I pull up the Roll20 chat log.  That gives me the play-by-play of what happened during combat, not to mention when/how a skill check was made, and various RP moments from the players, all in chronological order.  Some of the conversation - usually the jokes, but also the aside between Edward and Alefgard about their own adventure* - are sourced direct from chat, so I'm working in what the players actually said during the game.

*This was a reference to a one-shot we played over a camp trip with these characters.  The one-shot came from The Game Master's Book of Random Encounters by Jeff Ashworth - except for Goreglugg, who is actually the first character I ever played in 5e turned NPC.

I also have the game map, of course, which remains in the configuration where we last left off, so I have a visual reminder of what we did last.  Sometimes I take screenshots of the Roll20 board so I can replicate them in GIMP.


Some of the dialog, I do make up while I'm writing, and trim out some of the more repetitive parts of combat.  I also sometimes add in a little more detail where I think I could've been more descriptive, or take the time to dig through world history to find more detail than I could have ready in the moment - I hope my players are picking up on that!  I let the players read this thread, so they're able to correct me if I write something out of character, but I've asked them not to read Severedcoils, so that they can discover the story through gameplay.  As a bonus, keeping the stories separate means this thread will also be handy as a game log, from which we can reference important game events and treasure found.

Quote from: KenboCalrissian on March 17, 2022, 12:25:27 am

"E... Et tu, Meepo?*" With that, Yusdrayl fell limp.

Spoiler: "Out Of Character" (click to show/hide)

* Yes, this happened on 3/15.

Well, that's what you get for ignoring soothsayers.

What's really funny about this is how it all accidentally fell into place.  I'd only made the decision to move the kobolds an hour before the game started, something that was only possible because I had added an extra level to the dungeon that the party spent a long rest in.  Otherwise, this might have still happened, but not until later.  I didn't realize the coincidental date until the following morning.  Yet another thing about Severedcoils that bizarrely works out in a creepy way!