@Blag: I think the author himself said you don't have to be positive, even costructive, just any critique... Hey, look at that!
In this state I want to say, that with the level of experience displayed, the worst thing about this bit is that filiusenox wants to write a book. I suppose if he sticks to it, there'll be lots of improvement, but the fact that the work will have low-quality alongside with improved writing, is going to be a hindrance and a big demotivator. Writing short fiction would be much more useful.
It appears as if I gave some, if I may, constructive advice.
However, I'd still like to repeat myself, I am sick so head misty.
So, with all that said, it appears to me that the author has not written a lot, so, what Grakelin said, at this stage the best suggestion is to write a lot. And proofread one's work. And never ever ask for criticism when one is half-asleep. Unless one intends to write half-asleep all the time.