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I made it to the campsite! On the other hand, I barely made it after getting distracted killing wildlife, and couldn't find any wood.

Edit: got a question: Does turning off the GPS actually do anything other than just draining battery when I turn it back on?

A crease?! That man cannot be a self-respecting Englishman.

Observe the man discreetly to confirm my suspicions, but otherwise act as though he were a real Englishman.

Ah. In that case, try to shake off my bad tea affect.

Getting questioned by customs isn't really a good time to stand around trying to get tea leaves out of your throat. Although, it might be a good idea, it surely isn't befitting an English spy.

C will give you more experience. Then do A so that all that experience can go somewhere.

I guess Rich can't get any less skillful, which is what happens if you drink more than once.
Also, any hints on making my writing better? I realize that I write pretty crappily.

The Hardware Store
(for the fifth time)
A.K.A The Second Hallucination

Rich got the impression he was going the wrong way, and with a glance at his map, he realized what he'd done wrong. The hardware store was to the north, not the northeast. Quickly outwalking the chasing zombies, Rich made his way north just like a young man. The rain had started, not that Rich cared much as he was still on his vodka high. Just before he reached the store, he felt a bit of a nauseous feeling, but put that down to his imbibing. For some reason though, he did gain some strength at this point.



Walking inside, he got the a feeling, a feeling of all knowing. A feeling that, yes, if you add the Bernoulli Effect, and the ability of rocks to multiply when under stress, that of course... it was all fractals!

With his new-found discovery, he knew that a sewing kit and a hard hat would come useful, both of which he found inside the hardware store, but he didn't find a rag or any scissors that would have made his masterpiece complete. He did pick up a hammer to drive away the dark forces that always came in the night. Again, he thought that of course... it was all fractals. Though, he couldn't think why he would need to think it twice.

He quietly took out his map, and consulting it came up with three courses of actions. First and foremost though, he had to do more interesting things...

A. Still need rags, so off to the hardware store to the NE!
B. Still need drugs, so off to the Pharmacy just across the street!
C. Fractals, how to use them...

Flavoured water?! Flavoured water?!!!! My friend, if you were otherwise¹ I'd have to challenge you to a duel for making a mockery of the President's English.

What we interrogate them about anyway? They're probably just low-level help with little understanding of the big picture. Then again we can do anything a sixth of the time.



¹Otherwise as in not "my friend" just wanting to be clear.

Steal? Why, I've never stolen a thing in my life! Surely, dead men tell no police about my transgressions.

The Clothing Store and The Pharmacy

Rich drank the purifier and immediately felt smarter. He also felt a bit silly for drinking it, it was a bit strange, but all was feeling fine, except his insides, so he set out for the Clothing Store. Inside, he found some cargo pants and a backpack to carry all the stuff he would carry, even though he probably wouldn't be carrying much on his slender, weak frame.

The Clothing Store wasn't too interesting, but for some reason Rich felt that the world had all of a sudden flashed before his eyes, but the feeling quickly passed and he began walking to the Pharmacy.



On his way there, he heard a sound of crashing glass, and immediately looked to the east to see a weird, shambling monster crawling through the window. He immediately panicked and sprinted into the pharmacy as he had no weapons at all. With the zombie right on his heels, he ran into the pharmacy and shut the door. Unfortunately, all he found inside were some anti-depressant medication, and some food, but there was no time to be worrying about that as the zombie burst inside and began hungering for some brains. Of course, zombies are morons, as we all know, and lack the ability to go around shelves.



And Rich calmly ran screaming from the Pharmacy. Consulting his map, he figured he had three options.

A. Another Pharmacy! Something must be done about the obvious hallucination of a zombie.
B. Liquor Store. Liquor is good, Molotovs are better, forgetting about your sorrows is best.
C. To the walled city! That contains 3 casinos! And a gun and weapon store! And nothing else! What kind of city is that?

I've always held off on taking schizophrenic as it bothers me to have even the game lie to me, but anyway here we go again!

Starting Stats



Crap. That is all.

Richard Nilsson was the result of a dastardly experiment led by - oh, who am I kidding. Richard is just really unlucky. A broken shell of a man, literally in some senses, he's really not much of a human, more of a... experiment by god to make the most sad being imaginable.

Starting Conditions



As Rich woke up in a frightfully prolific RPG trope, he wondered what he was doing there before realizing that even if he were to remember, he'd forget about thirty minutes later. He also looked a bit to his right and saw a dog wondering around with him, occasionally barking out a soft "Hi!" Damn, where's the Xanax?

Wandering around the house, Rich only found a bottle of water and a can of root beer before venturing down those suspicious stairs that probably led to hell, but might have led to a new, bright world were there wasn't trouble around every - AH! No, just kidding. No hallucinations yet.

Getting over the classical overwheming panic he felt whenever he saw a completely dark room, Rich quickly walked around the room, finding perhaps the best find of his life.



Not knowing what it was, and also not being a complete moron, he didn't put it into his mouth. He put it into his now overflowing jeans along with a jelly of some sort and proceeded upstairs into the terrifying light. Going upstairs, he felt a little strange, which greatly worried him, but a greater worry was what to do next.



A. Grab a backpack from the clothing store just across the street.
B. Liquor store. Now.
C. The Pharmacy! Surely some drugs could help with this strange feeling.

Totally not a fourth option, D: the walled city to the extreme southeast. Technically cheating, but with this man, every advantage is needed.