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Life Advice / Re: Dealing With Neurotic Parents
« on: December 07, 2010, 08:54:51 pm »
This type of situation is, it seems, the kind where specific advice would be worthless because we can't take into consideration all the nuances of your relationship with your parents.
I can, however, offer some general observations:
First, I've always fared better in an argument when I've held my temper in check and allowed the other person to finish speaking/acting before I reply. People arguing with one another are rarely trying to convince the other about something. Usually, it's just a matter of trying to communicate (albeit poorly) anger/frustration/fear to the other. Respectfully et them finish, acknowledge their point of view, and only then calmly communicate your position. All this is really hard, particularly when you're emotional.
Second, remember that seemingly irrational anger often really arises from a different source that the immediate cause. I bet she was thinking about more than the hammer when she was yelling. This means two things: (1) you shouldn't argue about the hammer, because it's not the real issue, and (2) her reason for being upset may be totally legitimate even if the excuse for the argument (hammer) is ridiculous.
Third, winning an argument is worthless when you loose the relationship. Now, you don't have to best friends with your parents, but I bet you'd be a lot happier if your relationship with them was better. Take responsibility for building that relationship even, no, especially, if they are doing a bad job of it. You owe it to yourself.
Good luck.
I can, however, offer some general observations:
First, I've always fared better in an argument when I've held my temper in check and allowed the other person to finish speaking/acting before I reply. People arguing with one another are rarely trying to convince the other about something. Usually, it's just a matter of trying to communicate (albeit poorly) anger/frustration/fear to the other. Respectfully et them finish, acknowledge their point of view, and only then calmly communicate your position. All this is really hard, particularly when you're emotional.
Second, remember that seemingly irrational anger often really arises from a different source that the immediate cause. I bet she was thinking about more than the hammer when she was yelling. This means two things: (1) you shouldn't argue about the hammer, because it's not the real issue, and (2) her reason for being upset may be totally legitimate even if the excuse for the argument (hammer) is ridiculous.
Third, winning an argument is worthless when you loose the relationship. Now, you don't have to best friends with your parents, but I bet you'd be a lot happier if your relationship with them was better. Take responsibility for building that relationship even, no, especially, if they are doing a bad job of it. You owe it to yourself.
Good luck.