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Topics - femmelf

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Life Advice / I have a friend who is gay and I wanna be there for him.

« on: July 05, 2013, 05:41:59 pm »

This seems to be a pretty gay friendly place.

So, this guy I know from college likes boys. We live in a pretty conservative area, so I get why he's all scared and in the closet and stuff. I found out when he told one of my best friends the reason he wouldn't go out with her was cause he's gay. She asked him how gay he was and he said, "I'm really very very gay" and he got all adorably shy about it. I guess he's dating a guy too. It explains a lot really. He's got kinda long hair, he's really skinny, shy, never ever had a girlfriend, all that. He was never into sports, did theater, had friends in the fashion design program. Poor thing is scared of his own shadow. Looking back on it, I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. I just wanna give him a big hug and tell him it's ok.

Also, I've been watching Will and Grace and I want my own gay friend.

Nerd girl, gay guy, sounds like a friends to me. Also, he likes Dr. Who and Stargate and all the shows we do, so there's that.

But honestly, I feel bad for the little guy. He's never hurt anybody and he looks so lonely. Heck, I'm lonely too and I figure we can't be lonely together. My bestie and I feel the same way and we wanna include him in our stuff. I'm not really sure what to say to him though or how to bring it up. There isn't a manual for this is there?

Life Advice / How do you keep from being the world's doormat/letting people ruin your day?

« on: June 16, 2013, 02:51:46 pm »

People get to me, all the time. It's amazing. Whatever their problem is, I seem to get yelled at. Strangers, family, whoever.

Some of these people I can avoid and I avoid most people. The rest, I just can't avoid. I have to deal with them for work, or at home, or wherever.

What do you do to keep your sanity and keep on functioning around people?

Life Advice / How do I get self esteem?

« on: May 01, 2013, 11:22:19 am »

So, I basically feel like crap, in just about all areas of my life.

The worst part is, I realize that my being down all the time is hurting me and making me even more sad than I am right now.

I think I'm starting to annoy the guy I'm dating by being kind of mopey. I believe he's doing one of those deals where he isn't saying it to be nice, but he's not hanging out with me anymore very much at all, etc.

Having no self esteem messes up your work performance as well, so that's really not good either. I haven't been able to do very much but go through the motions for a few months and yesterday I didn't do anything. This really is not good.

Socially, I've pretty much not seen any of my friends in quite some time and I'm more or less being a bit of a hermit right now. I am basically not talking to anybody because I am afraid I would be seen as whining. The problem with not talking to anybody or just saying the bare minimum is that I'm pretty sure I come across as if I'm being stuck up or something. People don't want to talk to me and I can't exactly blame them.

I don't project any confidence in myself at all and even faking it is very very difficult at times.

I really don't think I can afford to see a psychiatrist or therapist right now, and while I feel bad about the idea of asking for something for free, I wouldn't even know where to ask for that.

I feel basically like my life is falling apart.

What do I do?

Life Advice / How do I get something taken down from a website.

« on: April 16, 2013, 12:00:07 pm »

My ninth grade English teacher thought it was a great idea to force her students to post poems on this site called Poetry.com. This was a terrible idea.

Years later, that still comes up when you google my name. It isn't helping me get a job. It's nothing too bad, but I want it gone.

I don't remember what email I used way back in high school. Is there any way to get these stupid things taken down.

Life Advice / What keeps you motivated?

« on: April 07, 2013, 03:52:31 pm »

I could really use some of that motivation stuff.

Got any? Where do you get it from/what?

I'm stuck in one of those positions where "if I stick with it for a couple years," then it will allegedly be great. Til then it's just a .... yeah.

Life Advice / How to interact with people: I dont get it.

« on: February 13, 2013, 07:36:46 pm »

So, I don't know how, I guess.

Tone and Seriousness:
I don't get it. I often can't tell when people are joking, when to be serious, or not. I often just try to be what I guess is way too formal, because I don't really understand how to be much of anything else without being inappropriate at times, which is just stuff I hear other people say.... It appears I am that dumb.... Or, maybe the right phrase is "I am that oblivious." I will seemingly tune out of reality for a while, and go into my own head, in my own space. I just focus on work, but that really isn't enough. There are customers and I guess friends to talk to. I'm not "afraid" to talk to them, but I can never tell if I'm doing it the right way.

Image and how others perceive
I don't get this either. I'm pretty sure I come across as weird and way too focused on work. When I say, "focused on work" I mean I just blow everybody else off and lose myself in it. I guess I look really young, which means if I'm ever going to be taken seriously for a moment, I'm going to have to be really "professional." Yet, all the professionals I see basically joke around with each other and don't take anything seriously. That is, they do that around each other. They seem to have some kind of "game face" around clients or publicly I guess.

"Be yourself:"
I get told this a lot and I NEVER understand it. I guess I come off as fake. The reality is that I am an incredibly nice person, who gets taken advantage of all the time because of this. I don't think I CAN be myself, cause I'm pretty sure the world will step all over me. People scare the hell out of me, because they do things that make no sense to me. They will talk about things they know piss people off like politics and religion and whatever, and the only thing I know how to do to deal with that is to just keep quiet. It isn't just politics and religion either. People get upset over what seems like everything, so I just keep to myself and say as little as possible.

Except it seems I have to interact with people....

How do you deal with these insane things called people?

Life Advice / Stress.

« on: October 16, 2012, 05:12:03 pm »

So i don't even know....

I hear every little thing that goes wrong and I tense up and overreact, with a slight freak out. That usually doesn't help (though thankfully none of them have been overly detrimental so far).

It's been pissing off my boyfriend lately. I don't know what to do or to tell him.

I also don't really know how to cope without stressing out.

He feels like an emotional crutch and like he's being used a bit for that. I have no idea what to do.

Life Advice / How do you talk to people

« on: August 06, 2012, 08:02:44 pm »

Someone will come up to me or I'll come up to them or we'll find each other in the same area....

At some point, you either actively ignore them or you say SOMETHING. Honestly, I think I'd like to talk to people more, but what the heck do you say? I don't know them. They don't know me. We know nothing about one another. God I sometimes end up standing there smiling politely like a moron. It often seems neither of us knows what to say. We're often polite and stuff, but what the heck do you say? God, I feel so damn dumb.

I swear I know how to talk, but I just have no idea what to say, and I'm not sure that makes me seem any smarter. Ugh. Awkward. I just ugh. What and why can't I say?

Feeling Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.

Life Advice / So overwhelmed and stupid.

« on: July 15, 2012, 06:43:05 pm »

I dont know. Ive been lurking around here forever and I mostly dont post anything online anywhere because I just don't want to upset anybody. Most of the people here look alright so I guess I might try this here. This is really hard for me so I am just gonna do it. Just please try not to pick it apart too much because just typing it is hard enough.

I am so overwhelmed and stupid with my life. I'm not paying attention to pretty much anything. I don't know if scared is the right word but I think overwhelmed fits it. I have to do a lot of things and some of them are hard but some of them are simple. Everything I go to do just overwhelms me even the simplest thing and it is so embarrassing. It almost doesn't seem to matter what it is. Everything makes me stop and worry about it when I go to do it. I don't have to force myself to get up in the morning but I have to consciously make myself brush my teeth and even get washed up. Even things I totally know how to do make me hesitate. I get all ready to do something and then I pause or I just stop altogether. I feel so exhausted even when there is no real reason for me to be and I feel like this all the time. I graduated college and kept my stupid old job because I couldn't find a decent one. My loans are in deferment and I know how to deal with them but those DO scare me so I get why I'm procrastinating with those.

I am so completely embarrassed and you don't even know how much of a failure I feel like. I got pretty good grades in college but no job. I just feel like I let everybody down. My mom my dad my boyfriend my friends just everybody. They all expected me to be something and I'm not. I'm just not. My friends are getting married and having kids and I'm living at home with mom and dad. I can't stand how I'm doing such a horrible job after school. I don't know if I just can't face it or what.

I'm not lazy or dumb either. I started a little business on the side but that's really slow going. It also is just like the rest of my life. I know I have to send out a bill for stuff and I know how. I'm just sitting here like I'm overwhelmed with doing stupid simple things like that. I know I did the work and the customer will pay me but I'm just stupidly pausing about it when I go to write up the bill.

I'm stalling before I start anything at all and I just don't know. I feel like I'm letting everybody down and that I'm not good enough and that I'm stupid. It really isn't that hard to type up a bill and mail it so I can get paid, but I'm just hesitating for no reason. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm scared or what, but I'm just not doing it. I want to be paid and I know I have to send people a bill for that to happen but I'm just hesitating.

I don't get this. I'm smart. I got good grades. I know what I'm doing but I just can't make myself do it because it makes me feel like I'm carrying around weights. It really isn't fair to my boyfriend who has somehow stuck by me or my parents or anyone. I just feel like a complete failure and I know the reason is all in my head but there's no reason for that. I know eventually this will make me fall apart, but it's like I don't care if that makes any sense. The weird thing is I do care. I'm scared of falling apart.

I feel like a stalled car. WTF do you do with this?

P.S. Wow. Sorry. I read that again and I sound kinda like a looser. Dunno if I should delete this or what. I don't know. Has anybody here ever felt like they're a massive screw up and how did you get over it I guess?

DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Mud?

« on: April 15, 2012, 04:40:48 pm »

I flood my farms with river water, but when it dries mud for farming doesn't always form. What gives?

DF Gameplay Questions / Milking cows?

« on: April 15, 2010, 09:49:32 am »

I understand from the wiki that you can do this now. How?

What is the best way to set this up? Also it appears from the article you can do this to caged cows (major pathfinding fps saver?)

DF Gameplay Questions / How to best set up a Military in 2010?

« on: April 07, 2010, 07:43:22 am »

Alright so there are various complex military screens and it takes forever to get used to them (right along with the rest of the vertical learning curve).

At some point the question needs to be asked: What is the best way to manage your military?

These questions include but aren't limited to (freely add your own):

1.) How do I get my dwarves to do combat drills effectively, more often and to learn more combat skills?

2.) How do I make effective use of the "Teacher" skill? The "Student" Skill? The "Leader" Skill?

3.) Should females be made military personnel? If so then in what capacity?
My expressly stated worry is the "babyshield" problem. While not wanting to be sexist, I can certainly see the game mechanics being a problem here. It has long been a sad but true joke in game that female dwarves will carry their infants into battle, because I suppose they just REALLY never put them down. This, of course, leads to dead babies and thus "babyshields." Tantrum spirals have occurred, starting with the grieving mother and working their way through the rest of the Dwarves. I have actually had this kill a fort before, hence my reservations. Barring the implementation of baby sized armor, they will remain.

4.) What is the best way to use the new control interface?

5.) Control interface troubleshooting: How do I get my dwarves to actually use what I tell them to, especially given that I don't have an arsenal dwarf (the pop cap of 20 seems broken currently with me)?

DF Gameplay Questions / Constructing wooden floors in my dining room without removing my tables/chairs?

« on: March 30, 2010, 05:00:23 pm »

So I've decided to floor the entire dining room in oak as well as use oak tables and chairs, because it pisses off the elves.

Any way I can floor the areas under my tables and chairs without deconstructing them?

P.S. I fully intend to have this be the room I force elven traders to walk through.

DF Suggestions / Meadows?

« on: March 19, 2010, 02:51:09 pm »

I don't know if it's just me or not, but it seems like mountains in this game are like living on the moon. There are hard ground areas and rocks but that's about it. Most mountains I've seen (American) have valleys and meadows. Basically there are places where trees grow below the tree lines and it's kind of beautiful in summer.

Does anyone think this could be something we could do? Maybe someone could mod it in without bugging Toady even?

DF Adventure Mode Discussion / Beating someone to death with their own arm....

« on: March 09, 2010, 11:45:12 am »

Sadly, this cannot be done in fortress mode, but at least I can still do so in adventure mode.

Clearly the first step is severing the arm. I am having trouble doing this. Though I can select a range of wrestling moves, I can't seem to target the arm with my axe. This is clearly a problem.

After the limb is severed, clearly one must equip it and beat someone with it thusly. How can I do this?