In my opinion, the best tileset to use is mike mayday's tileset- it has little graphical representations of everything, rather than ASCII. Download the game plus tileset here:
http://mayday.w.staszic.waw.pl/df.php (Delete your old game - this downloads the entire game with the graphics implemented)
As for pausing, you can pause at any time with spacebar. When paused, you can pretty much do anything you like- issue orders etc.- you just need to unpause for your dwarves to carry it out. Furthermore, whenever you go into any of the menus (to build a door etc.) the game automatically pauses, so you don't have to worry. Caveat: the {S}quad screen doesn't pause, meaning you have to manually pause if you want to manipulate your squads.
Hope this helps