Bay 12 Games Forum

I'm on my high school's robotics team as one of the programmers, and I found out about DF on my own. However, none of the other people play it, so it may not appeal to EVERY STEM student.

Can't do much updating on weekdays anymore; Christmas break is over. You should probably only expect updates on weekends now, but I may update on weekdays sometimes. ;-;

I actually used to play the next version of Oregon Trail; you could write stuff in the journal in that version.

Next update after I eat lunch.

Blargh, sorry about the lack of an update. I went into a strange mood and began a DF megaproject, so I completely forgot about this.

New update tomorrow, I promise!

He obviously throws a hard drive at a wall at just the right angle so that it becomes Dwarf Fortress.

In the last update, Kilroy had decided to sneak off to the store in the cover of darkness and spend all of his money, forcing his family to come with him on the Oregon Trail...

Hey Kilroy, what brings you here at this late hour?

Oh, you know, just buying some... stuff. For the, uh, thing. The thing that happens tomorrow. Er, yeah...

Matt didn't know what to think of this. Actually, Matt didn't know what to think of anything these days... He recently found out that his wife has been cheating on him, and his son died. His bills were due soon, and he didn't have enough money to pay for them. If he didn't make a huge sale soon, he would have to close the store, pack his bags and leave town to take over his father's ferry business out on the Dalles River.

Meanwhile...

Kilroy was deciding what to buy. He didn't own any oxen, so he'd need about 10 of those, by his count. He also didn't want to use any of the food he owned right now, because his wife kept buying these beans that he thought tasted terrible, and that was all he had. He decided to buy 1000 pounds of food, and then he threw in 2 of each kind of spare part, just to waste more money. He bought 10 sets of clothes as well, because his family only owns one set and he had to punch a homeless man for the clothes he was wearing right now. Then he ran into the problem of how he was going to get more food on the trail, so he stared off into nothing and began thinking.

And he thought.

And Matt grew restless.

Kilroy, if you're just going to stand there like an idjit, why don't you go over to the idjit corner?

The 'idjit' corner was feared throughout the town. Men cried and women fainted at thought of being sent there, and any poor soul who was condemned to spend their time in that corner would forever be ridiculed by the townsfolk.

But standing there did give Kilroy an idea.

Kilroy knew what he had to do. If he was going to survive in that wasteland most people call the plains, he would have to buy bullets. A lot of bullets, at that. In fact...

I'll take all the bullets you have, too!

What!? That'll give me the money I need to pay my bills! Thank you, Kilroy!

So Matt grabbed the money, shoved about 100 boxes of bullets into Kilroy's "Big Box o' Oregon Trail", and ran to his house. Kilroy didn't know what Matt was talking about, so he just wandered home, pushing his box.

When he got there, he realized that he didn't have anywhere to put the box, so he just flipped it over and put a cloth on it to disguise it as a table. As for the oxen, he disguised them as shrubs. Now all Kilroy just had to make the decision of when to reveal his plan and leave. If he left too early, the oxen wouldn't have enough grass to eat, and they would die. If he left too late, the oxen would have no grass near the end of the journey, and he would get too cold.

When should he leave?

NO OXEN, DON'T MOVE AT ALL. 

Edit: Re-reading that, it looks like I am telling the ox to stay still.

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!



Here is the list of characters:

Kilroy McGallagash, a doctor who drinks a little too much and can heal himself of any disease, but isn't so good at healing other people.

Beatwelve McGallagash, Kilroy's nagging wife. Almost legally blind, so she needs glasses. Not pictured: Glasses. She is also deaf in one ear. The only reason Kilroy married her is because she is rich.

Oliver McGallagash, a 15 year old who wants to be a ferry driver more than anything.

Armok, a 10 year old of indeterminate cultural origin. Smarter than his parents.

Urist, the baby. Doesn't do much.