Bay 12 Games Forum

Quote from: Dansmithers on July 01, 2013, 01:03:04 am

Try scratching yourself with a knife.

AAAAAAH MOTHERFUCKING OW WHY DID I DO THAT?!

We should try making an origami swan with little sunglasses on or something. You know, when we're not being killed by a wisp boss or trying to rescue all of our friends

So a PC, an NPC, and an Adorable Mascot walk into a bar. The PC orders some sweet loot, the NPC asks for some meaningful dialogue, and the Mascot blorbles. The bartender is ffs and they all DIE THE END.

...After all, flaming psychos outrank everyone.))

Cyrielle remains outside, she takes an aspirin with a glass of water since as it turns out, temporarily dying from spontaneously organ failure causes massive headaches.

"Hm. Well, maybe nuclear airbursts will have to wait."

I just want to watch the world burn. Easier to do that if I give everyone matches.

I WILL WIN EVEN IF I LOSE IN THE PROCESS!

I thought about Odin piledriving a minotaur and things didn't really fit.

Don't kill me, secret service Xantalos.

Killing friends is not helping.

"You are not furniture,

((Piecewise! Turn yourself into candy!))

((Shadows are vulnerable to getting run over right? Grand Theft Auto: Dark Hour Now with drive-by swording and Jungian psychology.))

Shouldn't I be a glowstick covered in skittles?

Sermons of coughing and slow death from internal bleeding. Not exactly the sort of thing to fill the worshipers with happiness.

turns out touching magma is a bad idea.

((Oh fuck. @Ragnarok is going to be really confused about why we are suddenly discussing the nature of wolf erections.))

"*facepalm* You have got to be kidding me... his time with her is measurable IN MINUTES? Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with him? And if someone says 'love at first sight', they'll be tripping balls so hard for the next hour that they won't be capable of correctly operating the fucking pavement."

Well [shrubs] sort of are [promiscuous]. They don't wear clothes and they indecently expose their reproductive structures. Plus they spray their pollen everywhere. They're pretty much decorative, repeat sexual offenders.

((Why the hell is the talking cat the only normal one here?))

There is no problem caused by highly unstable experimental space magic being wielded by a crazy person that cannot be fixed by highly unstable experimental space magic being wielded by a crazy person.

Welp, atleast my legs arent axes.

Explanation: Your mother is in actuality an elderly man.

Yeah, I can be a bit of a sucker for geology and geophysics myself, but then Xantalos smacked his face into the planet and sort of made that a moot point.

"I have to agree with the troubled but cute boy there. Politeness gets you further than penile detonation."

"WHAT THE FUCK!? MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS BITCH IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC AND HATE FILLED!"

I never said she would be a good love interest.

Decorative reduced to 1 hp so we don't have people flying around in ships made entirely of gold leaf, mosaics and figure heads.

You walk into the wall.  Ouch.

...

You contemplate eating the candy spawned from some horrible otherworldly tentacle.  Man, you should go into politics or something.

Stacy realized that he had absentmindedly added the wrong parameter to the calculations. Instead of a rather wonderful obstacle that would have kept all of this under control, he seems to have accidentally caused the twilight of the gods.

I agree. Shooting bacon-flavored Obama out of an artillery cannon just isn't enough.

((Unfortunately said teacher is currently distracted by some students trying to adopt her.))

It's really quite unhealthy so slowly bleed to death.

[G]enerally, if something's designed to mitigate bullets, it will probably mitigate massages as well.

((Solemn cursing.))

I[t] wasn't every day there was a wedding between students. But then again it wasn't everyday two female students knock each other up. Or adopt one of the members of staff. Come to think of it, some of the new students were quite odd, so perhaps he shouldn't have really been surprised.

Quote from: wolfchild on August 29, 2013, 09:44:03 pm

Ohh pick me I can, um, melt the ball?

((I believe melting the ball and/or opponents would be classified as foul play, so liquify the ground beneath them instead.))

You should have thought of that before having teenage bisexual horse bird orgies on the third day of school.

Quote from: kj1225 on September 01, 2013, 12:17:08 am

<Stop being a wuss. You got more volts when you got tazed that one time in Budapest.>

"... YOU FUCKING SHOT ME. THERE IS A HOLE IN MY FUCKING FOOT."

So the two characters that people seem to have the most problems with are our supposed traitors? ...not very good traitors.

A female me?
...
Sounds sexy.

"Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ASSHOLES I'M TRYING TO SLEEP."

And he's got all the powers of zeus. Well, the lightning at least. Not the "Turning into a swan and fucking random ladies powers" though.

"Engaging murder protocols. Target isn't moving. Engaging waiting protocols. Waiting."

>We're trying to liberate the human race from Bureaucracy, not its panties.

For her stroking hair is a prelude to sexual intercourse.

Quote from: detective1412 on September 07, 2013, 09:53:11 am

Genman: Bungee-jumping.

...Sir, you're still on the ground.

Today I had hamburgers for supper. They were delicious. BUT THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE DELICIOUS IF THE MOUNTAINHOME EXPLODED.

You too can have your legs cut off for the betterment of the rebellion!

...

I just love the way you so nonchalantly say to knock them out. One has a rifle that shoots burning poison, the other is a psychopath with an amp and the third is a deep sea fangly fish with electric powers. And you're like "OH YEAH BROTHER, JIM'S GONNA RUN WILD ON YOU!" and flexing all four pythons.

...

Jesus, it's like you guys haven't even read this post I'm currently writing. It's right there! At the top of the post! Geez guys, it's called Precognition. Get ahead of the times.

...

As per friendly teammates, you got a name? Because we're in a bit of a pickle otherwise. Most of your teammates are either on fire, comatose in the middle of a card game or bumping against walls like birds trapped in an outhouse.

Death has some yummy fruit bowls.

((Heh, I would imagine... "Did one of our sowers of death accidentally create life?" "Yeah man, either she's trying to add stuff to her resume, or she really screwed up on the whole killing part of her occupation".))

Дружина is not a gang name, it's a type of war-oriented social structure.

...lungs into kittens doesnt help survival.

"The booze goes well with the mandatory suicide missions"

((Not really. Then again, if it waddles like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck and may just fire a giant invisible beam of death and destruction, I'd rather not take any chances.))

"We're fighting against semi-sentient turnstiles."

...

Why an immortal would need to cower is beyond me...

...I'll have to mace you, dude. And I don't mean pepper-spray. >:c

Also, a midget just exploded behind you.
It's gonna be one of those days.

((Only in the HMRC do we react to a messily dead teammate by trying to calculate the blood spilled everywhere.))

((those souls would have been mine if my arcane sword wasn't a toothpick...))

Why are children on a sustained repeating death row?

Quote from: Xantalos on September 29, 2013, 05:49:45 pm

Aw c'mon, would I have done it if we had any chance of dying?

"Yes..."

((Who needs safety when you have grenades?))

Sigaholics Anonymous Cancels Store Item: Frowning in Disapproval

I've been a lot of black holes on a lot of floors.

So apparently your character got beaten by, and swore revenge on, a girl in a coma.
I guess there's only so much competence Blood [sort of a super-serum] can give.

"Miya, I would greatly appreciate it if you did NOT destroy the building we are attempting to climb while we are inside it."

To think that I missed an opportunity to make it look even worse.

a sack of omnicidal potatoes.

No offense, but currently your plans seem to include being eaten by an impossibly incomprehensible, otherworldly alien being.

Warrens: where even the GM's mistakes are incredibly deadly.

Quote from: Elephant Parade on October 22, 2013, 12:01:06 am

I know that's a rickroll without even clicking on it.

I'd sig this, but I'm tired.
Someone do it for me.

>We does this, We does this. Welcome to the HMRC. Accidental nuclear detonations are the rule, not the exception. Now nut up, come to terms with the fact that the destination of your trip is now an irradiated crater, and calmly follow the robotic swordsman and his genetically modified cat girl in their search for the invisible assassins.
Sanity status: Gone.

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I INVENTED MINDLESS PANICKING !

Quote from: mainiac on October 22, 2013, 07:43:52 pm

Could we have Maru ride on Kalnaf's shoulders as he rides on Steffan's shoulders as he rides on Orgarr's back?

Orgarr approve of plan. My people build tower like this. We call totem pole.

((Indiscriminate nuclear mass murder: The solution to all crossovers.))

Quote from: TealNinja on October 23, 2013, 07:46:26 pm

YOU DON'T LIKE PUNCHING WITH FIRE?

DO YOU EVEN CAPTAIN FALCON?

Falcon punch has nothing on falcon sledgehammer.

Playing bagpipes on a banjo? Sounds tricky.

((Damn UWM and their army of professorXs.))

"Well, that was rather impressive, if contrary to our mission objectives..."

"I am... become death, the destroyer... of worlds... And disabled people."

"Yeah.  Was getting a little bored, to be honest.  Kinda looking forward to getting back to nukes and instant psychic death.  Just the thing a guy needs to know he's alive, you know?"

...if you're producing so much smoke with your woodstove that the alarm of your neighbor's house goes off repeatedly, you're doing something wrong.

((Aaand now we're boned. Again. Funny how one gets desensitized to bowel-clenching danger if it happens enough in a short time.))

Look for any other hostiles that might be trying to sneak in on us.
((No, blood does not count.))

Miyamoto, combat paperweight, keeps an eye out for more homicidal pieces of metal and text messages his friends.

[...]

Aw, not even some sort of cool matrix display? Real computing is lame.

((Necromancy is kinda time consuming.))

(I give general permission to sig anything I say if anyone wants to...)

Defeat any potential cannibals in our midst. Like that guy who's trying to eat people.

Quote from: Execute/Dumbo.exe on November 06, 2013, 10:03:05 pm

also try to hook up the torrent to the black ships AI.

Hook up a torrent on the Blackship's computers?

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE PIRATING MUSIC!

...

Quote from: Tack on November 07, 2013, 01:59:51 am

((My last action was literally 'Go board the blackship', after Maurice 'Fixed' my brain.))

Man a gun! Or the radar! Or anywhere that is useful and not currently occupied!

Hmm...I'm not sure what you can man on the blackship that isn't already manned...
You go sit on the toilet and make race car noises.

Quote from: Toaster on November 12, 2013, 01:46:40 pm

((Oh man, I'm already lost as hell.))

((don't worry, the only important thing you missed is that I'm not a lizard.))

Quote from: Yourmaster on November 13, 2013, 08:08:23 pm

Please stay. Death is the only permanet solution to weakness...

Also discipline and working out.

Cannabis, cannibalism, what's the difference?

((I knew it would be a good idea to shoot the kid! Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type.))

I'M BACK!!!...and almost dead 

The crack doesn't respond because it's a crack.

((So somehow the GM himself missed the fact that this had updated.))

"Parole? I don't think the infirmary gives paroles, especially not to necrosis."

Remember that time the human spaceship pile drived a man to death over the TV remote?

This may not be a suggestion game, but for now we can still attempt to influence the game through the medium of peer pressure.

Quote from: Gamerlord on December 10, 2013, 07:51:15 am

She didn't need it as much as I do...

Steal from the poor, give to myself. Classic.

Quote from: Persus13 on December 10, 2013, 04:32:00 pm

"You killed a puppy!"

"Self-defense!"

Sorry stubby, people who are cut in half outside of a magic show usually don't fair too well.

...

Pieces of shrapnel through the lung and heart make it hard to wake up.

...

((The shrapnel is just channeling old school DF arrows that could pierce both lungs, an eye, a knee cap, nose, and big toe all at once while completely missing anything around those parts))
You give steve back his arm and he takes it with a bemused sort of expression.

...

You walk into the infirmary and start shouting about getting your unconventional hairplugs installed. They seem a bit busy though, what with all the injured and half dead people.

...

"M'lord! The people of Vergon 8 are starving!"
"Power up the mass accelerator."

...

((This shrapnel is particularly angry about you having limbs.))

...

Quote from: PyroDesu on December 12, 2013, 11:16:01 pm

Simus assists in getting wounded into the Infirmary.

This action seems very fashionable these days.

...

Please feel free to declare her your space queen later though.

((Clearly the secret to her power is caffeine.))

Quote from: Gamerlord on December 14, 2013, 01:22:32 am

((FUCK. YOU. ALL.))

((Huh. He only just submitted the sheet... Guess that's a new record.))

Quote from: Gamerlord on December 14, 2013, 04:24:09 am

((Wait. Are you thinking about taking MORE 'evil eldritch being attractor' pills?))

((Of course not. "Taking" implies controlled dosage. "Overdosing on" is far more suited for this context.))

"Oh, same old, same old. My guy and his gang are trying to sneak past a prototype tank turret, Angel is losing a fight with a Spiderdemon, Alan and John are riding around in a couch... The usual."

((The group with two guys and a ninja has way too much licking going on. Just saying.))

"Aha! My common sense is tingling!"

After all, we did manage to jump into a piano and now we may or may not be in the middle of being stalked by a piano-dwelling predator.

>Go down that hall, out the hanger door, hang a left and climb up onto the Cage structure until you find an elevator down to the ground level. Then look around for what looks like a 4 armed marble statue with an anthropomorphic cat riding on it's shoulder.  He'll take you down into a physics defying flesh hell where you will learn the meaning of regret.

...

You know, I remember there was a time that I could take an image of any event going on it just might NOT resemble what happens when LSD is mixed with Magnetic poetry.

((I rather enjoy [English] personally. Probably because I'm too lazy and incompetent to learn any other languages ))

Never hire lemmings as diplomats, apparently.
...
Alright so Lars team, you have 1 turn to react before your two more clumsy members attempt to negotiate with the ground via their face.

Good thing Giant dad is all brawn and no subtlety. Blows to the head do surprisingly little to him.

Oh, you mean the other biomass terror.

((Hey now, in my defense, it was for science.))

You use your mouth to thank mesk.
Neither of you ever spoke of it again.

((Oh great, I'm going to have to shapeshifter sex the entire fourteenth floor into submission, aren't I?))

Before detonating a bomb (even one of that magnitude) over the planet on which I supposedly live, first you must question why I agreed to a duel where the weapon is surprise, and secondly why I challenged you over a phone. Third, whether or not I am on that planet at the moment. Fourth, what your butler is doing with your heart in his hand.

Hooray, death!

Quote from: USEC_OFFICER on January 13, 2014, 05:38:37 pm

I want to be a sentient blob of STDs.

You're aware this will reduce how many parties you get invited to?

Quote from: TCM on January 13, 2014, 10:20:02 pm

Extol affluence.

"I say we should get money!"

<You attach a bracelet to a seal one time and no one lets you live it down!>

Quote from: timferius on January 22, 2014, 08:09:42 pm

Where I used to work, Code Black stood for Severe Weather hazard.

If you consider fiery plasma death a form of weather, this remains accurate.

Who needs breastfeeding when you can drink the blood of sacrificed deities?

Interpreting the bible as a non-literal book of moralistic fables  akin to Aesop's tales rather then a literal be all, end all guide book for everything from morality to science?
Oh Ti, what a silly, unamerican idea.

((Which results in the realization that cooking requires more rolls than assembly line creation.))

"Now, I'm not being mean but someone who can summon Japanese marital aids aint that speacial."

Stop ruining my insanity with your accursed logic!

You wanna fire burning gunpowder backwards, into your face, in order to rocket propel your fist? You been playing MGR?

...

Where you wanna look? We've got a radioactive crater, a burnt pile of metal, a ruined building...

Is it that time already? Geez. I'd get mad my alarm clock didn't go off it it hadn't collapsed into a pile of grayish, zero energy molecular flotsam.

Your analogy does not help.
It makes it worse.
Thanks.

Because god help me if I let you fucking use tinker while you're on mission.

Because as everyone knows, real mages don't use strange old rune, they use genetically engineered cacti.

Quote from: mcclay on February 14, 2014, 06:44:41 pm

"I fucking just stabbed my fucking boyfriend in the like, chest! How the fuck can you be okay with that?!"

Quote from: kj1225 on February 14, 2014, 06:46:41 pm

"It happens."

EU: "United States! United States! Quick, Russia is bullying Ukraine because the people there wanted to join us!"
US: "... But you guys HATE it when I get into stuff."
EU: "Yeah...  but... we don't like talking to Russia! He's scary!"
US: "... sigh..."

Do vampires have a faster terminal velocity than normals?

Cain is an insane murderer, not a role model.

So what if you have a -2 to conventional? It's only an 83.3% chance of failure.

WHAT IS WITH BAY12 AND MAKING MY MEALS PROJECTILES IN FITS OF LAUGHTER?

I have a feeling that fixing planets and such is soon going to be the least of your worries.

Quote from: Projeck37 on March 29, 2014, 09:39:59 pm

Become the GWG Slayer.

PROTIP: KILL HIM FIRST

Quote from: Dermonster on March 31, 2014, 10:26:53 am

Greatyrmgold! For the future of this mission, you will give me that foot massage!

Oh, the siggability of that message! Unfortnately it is a PM.

((Why can't it be extroverted magic lesbians for once?))

After all, throwing animate objects is like throwing inanimate objects, but with the object-to-be-thrown performing more wiggling.

First successful Kerbin orbit to Munar encounter: check.
First successful Kerbin orbit to Munar encounter to Munar orbit: check.
Enough fuel to de-orbit after a Kerbin encounter: check.
I feel good.

Edit: Scratch that, I'm crashing into the Mun.

((I now have a mental image of a very bored-looking Socrate idly tapping his foot whilst his gaze is half-locked onto his decrementing HP-bar, irritated that hemlock doesn't have a higher HP/turn loss.))

Kext hasn't even done anything too bad yet aside from liberally napalm-striking icemen and nearby unfortunates.))

Well if your career path is "shanking people" then living free for long enough to meet TWO victims with chainmail and broadswords is...actually kind of impressive.

"Garden Variety" around here seems to be alien pigs and bursts of flame. Not to mention the unfortunate accidents that keep happening to limbs. I think I'm going to go cry with physics over here in the corner.

Admittedly this was deserved narcissism, but narcissism nonetheless.

Quote from: Tiruin on April 28, 2014, 02:53:39 am

...drop the armed nukes...

I'd like to point out that dropping armed nukes is a terribly unsafe way of attempting to defuse a situation involving armed nukes.

Woah woah woah. When I said dance in the artificial rain, I ment the water from activating the fire alarm, not a random fountain of blood.

Dammit freeform, of all the purposefully shoddy work mine has to be Actually Shoddy.

....You aren't gonna build a tablet out of scrap from rusting cars.

"A part of you is trying to kill you..? ....do you want to talk about it?"

I'm pretty sure penises are required for being a man.