Huh.
Anyways,
Make the following Arguments:
1. As all criminals are innocent until proven guilty, the prosecution must present evidence for our guilt.
2. The stab wounds were all more or less in one area of the chest, rather than being spaced evenly around the body in an arc or two as they would have been if the victim had been bitten by a large animal.5
3. If I had bitten him, my saliva would have been found on the victim and in his victim, but DNA tests of those fluids turned up 100% negative for my DNA.
4. If I had wanted to kill someone, I would have used my breath weapons unless I wanted to eat the victim, in which case I would have eaten the body, which I did not (proven in the first update and hence incontrovertable as he was found with stab wounds in his chest; if he was eaten, no stab wounds would have been found because his body would have been digested).
5. A sword was found in the victim's body, which points to Dr. Ninja or at least someone who can wield a sword.
6. If I am actually wasting the Court's time, it is because I was brought into the courtroom by court order, which I had no choice in and the Court did, and hence the Court itself is at fault and I am not; hence, I cannot be found guilty of wasting the Court's time any more than a man who falls on top of a man who knocked him off a building can be charged with assault.
7. Lappiel would have needed to be directly hooked up to the GNS Network to hack its mainframe; this would require being on-site. Hence, as a laptop cannot move, it was clearly the work of the troll.
8. Moreover, said troll's fingerprints were found on the keyboard of a computer inside the building, near an unconscious office worker, which indicates that Sollux hacked the GNS.
9. The space station in question is thoroughly searched for anything remotely explosive which comes on-board, even in hyper-, zero-, anti-, or hammerspace. Hence, Bomberman could not have gotten on and Rex Splode must be at fault.
10. Rex Splode was found on the planet where the space station exploded, smouldering. He was the only survivor. If Bomberman was responsible, he would need to have been on the space station, and hence have either died or been a survivor. As he is alive right now, and was not one of the only survivor, Bomberman was not even on the space station.
11. The people being shot with green stuff were inside a green station, and hence could not have been shot by Optimus, who is too large to fit in such spaces.
12. Said people were also poisoned, which indicates that poison was fired at them rather than Lantern Ring stuff.
...and the following Counter-Arguments:
2) Argue that Optimus Prime with a Twist is the paragon of goodness, and while he has the power to shoot green stuff, the Venomancer is more likely to be terrorizing people. Besides, OPwaT fights for ALL sentient beings, yourselves included.
As neither Transformers nor those with Lantern Rings are all Good, one cannot assume that putting a good Transformer and a good Lantern Ring together will make a good being.
3) Sure, arrest the guy with a sword. Didn't you see me trying to bandage the guy? Well, maybe you didn't, as I am a ninja doctor, but surely you realize I was trying to save him? I was only using the sword to fend off the hydra's heads and teeth.
The above is a lie, as security footage clearly shows that Dr. Ninja was stabbing the person rather than stabbing him.
4) Probably both of them were hacking, but I doubt either of them hacked YOUR computers on purpose. Probably just used them as a proxy, and the guys they were hacking tried to hack back - but got caught up in the proxy trap, and wrecked your computers instead. Meaning one is probably as guilty as the other, and they both deserve to die.
If this were true, the computers would merely be wrecked and not have pornography on them.
5) If arguments haven't succeeded in getting me free, use some ninja tricks to disable my chair's instant death stuff.
6) I should probably then throw throwing stars at the guards, and backflip out of the chair and out the doors.
Such an attitude is indicative of guilt.