Bay 12 Games Forum

Artifact bonus. Test it in the field, and even if it's an underperformer, it's still A weapon.

Even if gold axes are so-so in the arena, artifacts do better than the qualityless weapons in the arena.

If possible, catch and tame the dragons. Free, infinite dragons and eggs! Woo-hoo!

Unless the dragons are already your enemies Then...it's more !!fun!! and slightly less fun.

Dear Urist McObsidiandwarf,
You are an obsidian dwarf. You can throw fireballs. I expected that you would use those in combat given previous experience modding toads to run mountainhomes and breathe dragonfire (long story). Therefore, I gave you archery skill and no weapons.
Don't punch the gargoyle to death. Or, barring that, put on the armor I bought for you first!
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Urist McSameObsidianDwarf,
Alright, you and a coalition of nearby domestic animals have beat the gargoyle into unconsiousness. Now stop gouging lips. Try kicking it in the head or, better yet, using fireballs on it!
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear U. McWowI'mTalkingToThisSameObsidianDwarfALot,
Congrats on...actually, I'm not sure what I'm congratulating you for, a turkey killed the gargoyle. Anyways, three more have been spotted. Good luck!
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Urists McAllOtherDwarves,
The domestic animals and militia commander are taking care of the assorted gargoyles. They are all broken all over. You can come within a few hundred feet of the wagon, stockpiles, entrance, workshops, and such. In fact, I suggest it. Otherwise, you'll all starve.
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Gargoyles,
You will be shattered if you keep returning. We might run out of domestic animals soon, but by then the militia commander will have built up her unarmed combat skills. Come in large numbers or, ideally, not at all. I have too much pride to abandon over an issue that I can easily solve. If you promise to leave and never come back or send any of your species here for several years, you can take the dog, turkey, and cave tortoise corpses with you and SURVIVE.
GWG, Overseer of Goldengrave (?!? How appropriate...if we pretend that loamy sand is gold...).

Dear all nonobsidian dwarves,
Stay inside! There is a giant gargoyle rampaging outside!
Postmortem note to Urst McThatSameDa**ObsidianDwarf,
You shoulda thrown fireballs at that ***king giant gargoyle that was threatening to kill half of our population!!!
Sincerely (angry), GWG, Ovrsr.
P.S. He died.

They're basically bigger dwarves with six arms, they are already kind of overpowered.

Okay...why are half-spiders bigger than dwarves? Just asking...

1717. You try to build a wall out of soap.
1718. You demand items made of hen's teeth.

Dear Urist McSitechooser,

I suppose I am not as miffed as I could have been. I did not, thankfully, spend much time trying to rescue you and your 6 companions from the fate you clearly wanted. However, in case it is not obvious to you, a lake which literally opens up into the mouth of Hell is not a suitable place for a new settlement to extend the power and glory of the Mountianhomes. Please enjoy gargling demon mayonaise.

your Bugged Out Overseer

...Why are you unhappy, again?

---
Dear Urist McMechanic,
We have lots of booze, in a stockpile next to the river you hopped into. Also, you can drink from the river's edge if you are sick of all of the three types of booze we have. Also also, if you aren't trying to commit suicide, swim downstream and either jump to the mayor's dining room or slide down the waterfall to the escape ramps. You might get badly injured in the process, but you have a better chance of surviving that than if you just SIT THERE.
Oh, look, he drowned. Great, he's my only mechanic. Idiot.

I forget, are there any nobles in Soaplantern?

A baron, my dwarf; some bureaucrats; maybe others.