Bay 12 Games Forum

Quote from: GreatWyrmGold on February 02, 2014, 10:28:16 pm

-snip-

Oh Jeegus, you've gutted several of the details of his story with no mercy.

FTFY.

The man core is still acceptable. Anarchy in case of supervolcano is likely, if we survive the ensuing darkness.

"The current, ie sealed power of Shys'm Caes? Sure. But they can best continents, so our odds aren't so good."

Nuriel is watching, worried.

<Hey, Shys'm? Do you have an ETA? You have twenty minutes until all of us, including Selina and Yuri, bite the big one.>

<... God DAMNIT. I go off to have a FUCKING vacation for a couple days, relax, try to calm down, and you fuckers STILL won't stop trying to yell at me. THIS HAD BETTER BE FUCKING GOOD.>

<Apocalypse potentially negated by your presence. You can go back to your vacation right afterwards if they don't bind you to another family line.>

"Hey Will, How many people are standing in the crater? I count two. But that seems wrong."
Yomiko tilts her head at will.

"Hm?"

No one questions [Grandiose's] presence? At all?

Yes, because that's the most pressing concern.
And because we wouldn't spring a crook with a save-or-die spell in this kind of scenario.

“... That statement does not seem possible. Assessment: they are lying."

"See, that's what I thought to. A psychescan later and I discovered the truth: Omnipotence ain't what it's cracked up to be.>

The West Coast, cut off from the central government in the east...

Wait what? How the hell does a single ash cloud cut half the country off from the other half? Especially in this era of airplanes, satellites, and Internet?
And while I'm at it, if this is bigger than Krakatoa, how was only the Midwest affected? That kinda of crap should be causing a worldwide Year (minimum) Without a Summer.

...and several million died from starvation and exposure over the following months.

Where does exposure enter into this?

War broke out swiftly and unexpectedly.

Really? Wow, they must suck at expecting war.

Texas broke apart...

Seems like that would be the state likeliest to stick together.

Since then, a series of new governments have claimed control over different portions the former territory of the US...

Kinda surprised no one else tried to seize bits of the US. Mexico and Canada, if no one else.
And North Korea, but they wouldn't succeed. Because they're a tiny country that no one likes.

The center of the country, from Kansas to Ohio, has changed hands many times, and has been reduced to an infertile warzone...

How? Unless people started nuking the most fertile land in the US, there's no way that would happen--and if they did, it would still bounce back. The fact that Chernobyl isn't visited by humans more than balances out remaining radiation, which is higher than the aftermath of an atomic bomb because pretty much all the fissile material in the bomb...fizzes? immediately, leaving relatively little long-term radiation. Point is, unless they salted and glassed the Midwest it should still be fertile.

Sorry. You just seemed trying so hard to take yourself seriously. I'll read the rules and get back to you.

<Uhhhhh oh. They're here. And they want Shys'm Caes.>

<I say we let them try to take her. Oh wait, she's so impotent she can be sealed by mere humans.>

She gets... an answering machine? Seems Shis is off doing something or other. Leave a message after the beep.

beep.

<You're fucking kidding me. I know I'm normally against breaking the fourth wall, but what the hell rangarok?>

"Oy! Angels! Sorry we don't have the creator goddess. She's screwing around and left without telling us why. Come back tomorrow, she should come back by then."

<Selina, I know you won't much like this, but we need to get Shys'm Caes back, so try...mind-sexting her.>
<Kyle, prepare the roses and chocolate.>

I approve of this thought.

Kyle seems to be thinking.
<Hey, I wanna try something. I need a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. Oh, and someone on standby in case they don't like me off the bat.>

<...Now that is brilliant. And so absurdly risky that if the stakes were lower I'd knock you out and lock you in a closet until this was over for your own protection.>

Sen freezes and teleports to hell, <Fuck this shit. Well ,earth, is was good living on you.>

<Fuck you!>

"Holy magic."

"Hm. Amber? Pearl? Jade?"