Bay 12 Games Forum

Wasn’t rightly paying that much attention to the movie, but two major things stand out as bad, among three more minor things.

Early doors Lara gets arrested for... not really doing anything. Long story short, she crashes her bicycle into a police car that pulled up and stopped quite suddenly into the middle of a junction, so it was their fault.

Some woman comes to rescue her, telling her that she has to sign forms for her dad’s inheritance, who has (presumably, since they don’t actually say) been declared dead since he’s been missing for seven years. She somehow figures out a puzzle box while absently messing about with it, distracting her from signing the forms apparently, and revealing the next step in the puzzle, which again she figures out with little thought (artistic license I guess)

This reveals some secret research her dad had been doing on scary Japanese woman, which he tells her in a video recording to burn in order to keep it out the hands of Scary Organisation.

Obviously she goes through the research instead, taking it with her to the place daddy thinks it points. However she needs cash. She takes the necklace her dad gave her, apparently made from Jade or something, to a pawn shop. She gets offered 10k for it, then manages to negotiate herself down to 8k, and accepts this turn of events, because it’s apparently the only pawn shop in London.

She goes to secret island daddy figured out in research and immediately gets captured by Secret Organisation, who tells her she can’t get off the island. Cue her being told that some of the other prisoners on the island were brought there by smugglers.

She escapes from them, purely so she can find daddy living in the island, who she was told was dead by big bad guy. He faked his death or something, to keep the Secret Organisation from finding the scary Japanese woman corpse. Unhappy to find out Lara has brought research to island.

They decide to attack the Secret Organisation camp for the satellite phone, they win but for some bloody stupid reason she doesn’t kill big bad guy when given the opportunity, instead allowing him to threaten daddy in order to open the Japanese lady’s tomb.

They do, what follows is Last Crusade puzzles, her dad dies but tells Lara to keep the bad guy from leaving ‘cause he has a sample of the incredibly potent disease the Japanese lady had.

Big bad guy is on a ladder over a chasm, she jumps out in front of him, kicks him back away from the exit and PROCEEDS TO FOLLOW HIM BACK INSTEAD OF JUMPING BACK TOWARD THE ENTRANCE AND KICKING THE LADDER AWAY. She proceeds to fight a bit, THEN kick the ladder away so neither of them can leave. She gets beat up, baddie has her in a position he should really just kill her from, but for some reason ticks about and gets distracted by a big explosion Lara’s dad causes, and then gets kicked into the chasm because THIS IS SPARTA. Lara escapes the crumbling tomb by leaping across with a convenient climbing hook thing.

She signs the forms at from earlier, now owning her dad’s company. She figures out that one of the company’s she now owns was controlling big bad guy, and it is revealed that the woman who wanted Lara to sign the forms from earlier in the film was the true big bad guy, and oh noes Lara has signed power of attorney to this woman, as though it can’t be revoked or anything like that.

The form needs to be notarized, as well as have two witnesses sign it. Quite the feat when there were only three people on the room, including Lara. Fucking movie man.