Bay 12 Games Forum

Been doing better with the whole ex thing till yesterday. Got an alert on my phone and I wanna strangle past me for marking down the day I asked her out. Deleted it, but had me thinking about her long enough to get me down yesterday a bit and today at work since I had time to do nothing but think. And an idle mind isn't the best thing to have when you're depressed or heartbroken.

Getting close to five months now, and things ARE getting better. Songs on the radio (one specifically that instantly makes me depressed about the whole thing doesn't bug me as much, although it still slightly does for a short time), old photos I find on my phone of us, and even talking about stuff we did that really does make me think of her aren't bothering me as much. But this one alert set me back a bit. And I kinda see why.

I put it there after we had a talk about a thing regarding my future as a game dev (steam greenlight charging people to release games, to make a long story short). She outright started to talk about how she's gonna help with that... Something that wouldn't happen for another few years (still in school for coding and a few other things) but the fact she believed, at the time, we were going to be together for a while just made me feel so very loved. And I remember I marked off the day I asked her out not long after that and was gonna do something nice for/with her then. Not really an anniversary and I wasn't going to really say why I would be doing such, but just something to make her happy. As you can tell above, that isn't happening, and well... You see why it set me off into this state

I really do miss her still, but I'm coping much better now. I'm hoping by next month, I'll be able to speak to her and not have a panic attack from emotional overload... Especially since my friends and her are hoping to get a new game of D&D started soon (which means I have to take spotlight as DM again for a bit).

But for now, gonna just let the tears out after talking about it with a friend and continue to trudge through this emotional pit until I'm at a point I can climb out.

I also discovered a sudden obsession with fire emblem was me trying to mask the feelings this brought up, so suddenly I have a bunch of fire emblem games my friend loaned me and I don't want to play them 

Got a working rom of Fire Emblem - Genealogy of the Holy War and I read, mechanically, it set a lot of series staples, like child characters, the Oifey caste (pre-promoted unit that is always usable), and the badge system used in Path of Radiance, Awakening and Fates.

I'm excited. Playing Echoes really showed me that when Fire Emblem tries to do something different, it is drastically different but still very well executed and still keeps the core mechanics of the game there (although series fans may feel that its too different). It's like the difference between Zelda and Zelda II, if Zelda II when ignoring the unforgiving nature of the game. It was still the game at the core, but the execution was done so very differently but it still felt like its the same game (its a shame that Zelda II was so unforgiving. Its mechanics are really awesome).

Finished Part 7 of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (Steel Ball Run) and damn it was great. Diverse stand powers, plenty of nods to previous chapters, musical references up the wazzoo, and none of the characters came off as stale. I agree with the mass of Jojo fans it's up there as a contender for the best part of Jojo.

I highly reccomend people read the manga. If you don't know if you'll like it, watch the anime. Just know that if something a character does that makes you not like the show, good. That's how you're supposed to feel (towards the character, not the series as a whole).

Whitney didn't force you into the Pokerman Olympics?

This mod gets weirder and weirder...

((Just dealing with what's right now before I deal with the next few days))

Mother came up to me and told me my dad has been abusing medical marijuana because his depression has gotten so bad years ago. I could smell it on him way back when, but always thought it was the people he was with... Go ahead and fucking crucify me for saying I don't agree with useage of marijuana, but after going through rehab and seeing how bad people can get with just that and booze (and that alone) it can really fuck you up when you hear what people did on stuff that's supposed to be "calming"...

Throw on top of that, my mom telling me if he keeps drinking, she's gonna just up and abandon this house, I'm stuck with the option of move out before shit hits the fan or succumb to the fact I'm gonna be trapped in a house where my sister has no one to control her bad behaviour and the only parent left is plastered.

The real question is how the blazes is Apiks still alive. I've truly never had a named forumite survive this long.

That IS his thing though

@highmax28, It sounds like she was expecting to maintain a friendship with you, and that that's hard for you right now? And that you set a boundary with her asking her to not talk to you, and that she's currently respecting your wishes? That in itself sounds like a good thing, though that good thing probably doesn't do much for whatever hurt you're feeling. The time apart, though, can be a good thing; if you've got regrets or remorse, it can help you come to terms with what you did that you wish you hadn't. If something she did hurt you, it gives you time to think about why it hurt, and consider if there's stuff you'd benefit from talking about frankly with her, if you both want to stay friends.

This isn't always the easiest solution, but one of the most effective things in my life has just been to take time to comb through your feelings towards an interpersonal situation, and look for hints on what to talk with them about. Then, when you know yourself better and are less of a mess of complex emotions you don't fully understand, try to reach out and talk frankly about it... in hopes that you can come to an understanding of what each of you want, and how to move forward in your lives.

Sadness is feeling we get when we wan't something we don't have. It's cousin, regret, is one we feel when we know we should have done something, but didn't. The sadness you feel lets you know what was (and is) important to you in a situation, and your regret lets you know what your ideal self would like to have done at that moment, if you had been able to. It's important to take some time to consider your sadness and regret frankly. Sometimes, that means you need to take time to grieve too, or look at ugly parts of yourself or past frankly... but if you do that, do it with compassion. Treat yourself, in that moment, like a friend you want to help... not someone who did something wrong and should be punished. And try to learn what you want, and what you don't want, from that act of observation. Those are things you can then make a plan to talk about, with the person or people involved.

Anger is the emotion we feel when we have something in our lives that we don't want, often something we need to change or put it behind us for our own welfare. Anger also tends to blind your empathy toward the person or people you're angry toward. If you care about someone who may be harming you emotionally or physically, sometimes it's necessary to quiet your own empathy. In cases like that, we can use that anger to be constructive; it's a way of overcoming our own compassion, when our backs are against the wall, so we can change the situation for the better. One relevant example might be that anger lets people who care about each other, but who are in a bad relationship dynamic, overcome that compassion and sensitivity for how the other person might feel over it, and find the will to separate for their well-being. It's a healthy emotion, when it's being used to better our lives. But it can also lead us to behave cruelly, because our empathy toward that person is muted... and we need to be vigilant about that too. Cruelty is never necessary. Sometimes, when you're still angry with someone who you need to understand or sympathize with, the best thing to do is let your feelings cool, so you can come back to the situation with your full empathy and sensitivity.

Once you've got a sense for all that, I hope you two can have a frank conversation about whatever happened between you, and figure out what you both want going forward. That might be a friendship. And it might be that one or both would be better off not talking anymore. In any case, even if you broke (or expect to break) on bad terms; I find that that kind of genuine conversation with each other, about your respective wants and needs, and the terms you individually want to move forward on, and where those overlap or diverge, is important. That kind of plain and honest communication, without relying on reading into things or implications, is a respectful thing to do when possible, can help with your emotional recoveries, and lends a sense of closure and better ability to move on.

Being a recovering alcoholic, its hard to deal with emotions once you're out of the recovery home. You look at emotions you blotted out before and finally feel them in full.

The main reason why my emotions are overwhelming is because my mind subconsciously goes to the same place where I was before rehab. That's why its hard to talk to her right now. My desire to have her back but knowing that it would only hurt her more if we did get back together (because change is slow, and without both of us changing, it would wind up back as it was before).

I'm learning from this experience for sure. Unfortunately, situational problems came in making this a lot more complicated than it should have been. I've been talking about it when she comes up in my head to help me get past it (as seen on here a few times). Its a slow process. Especially dating someone I fell unimaginably hard for for almost a whole year (previous relationships hardly lasted four months before rehab). Also, I keep talking about rehab, and I should mention, my only real experience of a relationship with me being out of rehab was her. So to me, this was, pretty much, my first serious girlfriend. And I think that's why it still hurts, on top of having so much feelings for her while we were dating.

I know we're more than likely going to be friends after this. Maybe not as close of friends as we were before we were dating, but its something. She's part of my group of friends, and she doesn't have much outside of us. As much as I wanted to leave the group so she can still be friends with them and I can get away without the stigma of seeing her (which still hurts somewhat, as seen today when for the first time all semester, I walked by her and my body instinctively tried to hide by gluing my eyes to my phone).

But I do admit. Finally pushing through the fear to tell her to just give me time and to apologize has eased the burden on me a lot. The message I got from her was more painful than seeing her, which you would think it would be the opposite given it was a silly D&D comic.

I've rambled on enough. I appreciate the note back. After hearing my friends saying "I don't know what to say" or merely just silence because of not knowing what to say, its good to hear something reassuring.