Bay 12 Games Forum

"No, I meant - never mind, I'll have to find them on my own I guess. Do you know which direction El is in? Or where the rest of those fuckers people from the castle went? I remember there were a bunch of them."

Stand up. Use the lady as assistance.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh no idea wha I should fukkin do m8s. I'm tha fuckin crab princess or some shit so I guess I'll crab pray to fuckijg the crab goddess or some shit. Yo Crab Goddess, uh, see us safely across this ravine and shit. Amen yo.
...
Yeah I got little to no clue what I'm doing right at this now

Completely random question, but d'you folks have any tips for getting followers to stop dying? I'm currently doing a main-quest only run since I've never actually completed it, light armor two-hander dude, and as a consequence of that I kinda keep getting all my companions I bring with me killed. All the time. There's been Lydia, at least two mercenary guys, that lady who accidentally killed someone while trying to join the Companions, and at least one other. I'm only like level 14 or 15 at most at this point, they just keep dying. Their corpses lie all over Skyrim. So many hopes and dreams snuffed out because the dumb loot holders keep dying.

So, uh. Any tips for getting them to not to the dumb?

Land near Xankarvo, de facto captain in that he's the only one with an actual coherent goal around here.

"Hello there! Just checking in to say that, well, there seems to be some sort of unnatural sunset glow happening out toward the horizon. I suspect something rather suspicious is coming this way!"

Xankarvo's expression, formerly contemplative, rapidly sours.

"Shit. We probably don't have much time then. Keep an eye on the glowing and tell me if it's getting closer or anything's changing about it. I'll get my answer from the Most-Beautiful and then we leave."

He turns to look intently at the god.

Uh. I'm kinda tired right now since I've been out doing stuff all day so I'll take a look at what you've posted tomorrow, but this is probably gonna take all of us a while to process all of this; this is a lot of data you're front-loading on us right now.

So, uh. Don't necessarily expect immediate results, since it's a lot to sift through.

lawas you said this was gonna be good but I didn't realize it was going to be this beautiful!

I'm in like a damn ... I dunno, crab eating another crab or something. Point is, here's a character concept, coming straight out of a mixture of one of my friends, my recent viewing of Scarface, and the general brand of mentally unhinged psychos I let loose in nearly any forum game I find myself in.

Roberto 'Mister Baileys' Curio de Kumquato de Xantaloficago Al Dente Fettucine Armageddon de Cocina de la Long Huang Xing Shangsheng Leprás Burgonya Meowington Fergus

Call him Bailey, it's easier. He's been around the block, many that might not even exist. He's ingested such a vast quantity of crab drugs throughout his lifetime that he's obtained a rather notorious reputation in seemingly every occupied settlement of sapient beings on the mortal plane - if there are more than three people in a room, odds are at least one of them has met Bailey in some way, shape, or form.

The accounts of him vary - sometimes he's an amateur opera performer, sometimes he runs childcare centres, other times he sells human meat he found in a back alley to their unsuspecting relatives. One thing that remains constant with every sighting of him, however, is his ridiculous fighting prowess and tendency to go off on a whim - his temper is mercurial at best, and can be set off by something as little as a green cardigan. He studied crab karate, he claims, up in a remote mountain range somewhere he ended up in after a particularly rowdy drinking session. Ended up staying in this monastery for like ... he dunno, four hundred years? Or four hundred seconds? Too high to tell. Either way, he obtained an uncanny skill in hurting things from it. Also like totally rad martial arts shit, like the whole unnatural strength, speed, reflexes and stuff deal.

Bailey's also really good with knives. He apparently worked in a kitchen for a little while and got bored, and now he collects the damn things. Keeps them meticulously sharp, cuts random things when he gets bored, which is easily, and gets a dangerously gleeful look in his eye whenever he's holding one.

He also takes drugs constantly. His body is more than likely half drugs in mass at this point.

For skills ... I'm not quite sure how the custom skills are supposed to be arranged, but I know the three main ones would be Fight/Lift/Drive because Mr. Baileys never passed crab driving school.

Hmm. There's potential here for something interesting, yes indeedy. Just need to part the wheat from the chaff, as it were.
Hmm...

Name: Roberto 'Mister Baileys' Kumquato de Xantaloficago. All those other names exist, and plenty others, just as various nicknames he's aquired all over the globe. This essentially ensures that he's guaranteed to be known by some random silly-ass name if he's recognized, with a no-doubt equally silly backstory behind how he aquired that nickname.

Base Skills: Fight/Lift/Drive

Backstory/Description: Mr. Baileys was once an incredibly devoted crab monk. He studied Crab Fu all day, meditated on the nature of the Crab Goddess, and did a bunch of really serene mystic shit like that for the majority of his existence. Then one day a mixup happened - Roberto allowed himself but one luxury, that being a cup of tea with a good helping of sugar in it some days. One day the guy who went and got it for him accidentally gave him his stash of crab cocaine instead of the sugar. Roberto, not knowing that it wasn't sugar, ingested the whole thing. He promptly got so damn high that he achieved nirvana and saw Crab Goddess for a split second. He doesn't quite remember what he saw in that state, but he knows it was something important. Ever since then he's been wandering the wasteland doing trucker jobs, ingesting massive quantities of every drug he can possibly find in order to reachieve that sublime peak of existence. The shenanigans and occasional rampage he goes on as a result of all those drugs he accepts as collateral.

Custom Skills:

-Crab Fu! Xantaloficago is a master of the sublime art of Crab Fu, being capable of ... well, I dunno you tell me. Super kung fu shit you find in movies and stuff. It's this that makes him such an effective trucker guard, since he can fight the shit out of just about anything in the wastelands.

-Swords n Shit! Kumquato is a master of wielding swords and shit to fullest effect, namely slicing bitches who try to take the cargo up. That's ... about all there is to say about this - he's really damn good with swords, knives, scissors, and pretty much any sharp thing. Kung fu movie level good type deal.

-Flame of Divine Drug-Fuelled Fervor! Roberto Mister Baileys Kumquato De Xantaloficago is normally a subdued individual, doing typical monk shit and talking in wierd proverbs. However, when he ingests drugs, he becomes a completely different individual - wild, spewing profanity, talking in seemingly random accents, doing off-the-wall shit in short. What's more noticeable is his unnerving tendency to light on fire while in a drug-fuelled craze. He doesn't really seem to notice this, but it must be that his shell is so infused with various powders that the heat of his anger ignites them and surrounds him in an inferno that doesn't harm him but burns everything else! It even spreads to weapons he wields for some reason. Maybe it's a blessing from the Crab Goddess. Point is, he can sometimes transform from a crazy crab monk to a crazy crab monk ON FIRE!

How's that sound for a character concept?