May 9, 2024: The May '24 Report is up.
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I know the feeling. Not a pleasant one at all - I couldn't stay still or move my hands with very much control, my mind was going a million miles an hour yet I couldn't think at all, heart pounding for no explicable reason, face flushed, feeling like a wellspring of bright red hatefearjealousy is going to burst out of your skin.If there's an overwhelming feeling of panic or anxiety that becomes crippling (mentally, physically or whatever) then it may well be.It was overwhelming fear that made me unable to work, unable to think and all I felt was emotion after emotion of fear, hate, anticipation... Many others. It doesn't help when you're expecting a guy to clock you in front of the girl he's trying to impress
Oh, I've had years to contemplate exactly how to tell her. I just didn't let myself think about it too much before the last few months. I've got it down practically to the cadence of the words.-snip-For that friend of yours, I recommend you basically type out an explanation to them, sort of like a speech of sorts seeing as you have trouble communicating normally. That way, if all else fails, you can just hand the transcript to them if all else fails. Don't get me wrong, it's almost definitely going to be incredibly awkward talking to them about it, with or without literally handing them a transcript, but it'll allay your fears and ensure they don't make the wrong assumptions. Because both of those are going to cause far more issues than just a few minutes of awkwardness.
Oi jeez, that sucks. For sure email the teacher about it, if they're making you feel too threatened to work in a course you paid for that could likely be construed as some form of violation of something or other. There has to be a proviso against acting like a total dick somewhere, right?Tends to. What happened?Girl I had a lot of feelings for (she preyed on me and used me) and this guy she's currently with showed up in my class. She thinks I ruined her life because of rumors that were spreading that I found out about in the last minute, and he wants to beat the fuck out of me because she convinced him of that.
The entire time they were in my classroom (which neither one has any reason to be there) I was in fight or flight mode and the well of emotions made me almost violent. I was sincerely scared he was gonna deck me or the two of them were gonna jump me on my way to my car.
All this because he decided it was a good idea to visit my friends and now she's getting closer to them and because I can't even look at her without freaking out, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to cut my friends from college out of my life now...
This also means I have one friend at the college now because of this bullshit with keeping my distance from her. And I'm still the bad guy. And now she's coming into my class and making me unable to do my work because of how much fear and emotions of hurt were flowing.
I'm gonna email my teacher about letting them in again; she's a dropout and he's a third year walking into a second year lab room. I shouldn't feel threatened in there but I do
I'm really sorry. Your family sounds very messed up. Do you have any money / time for talking with a therapist? That could be really helpful in developing better coping mechanisms so you can get your emotions under control and do what you want to do.My thanks for the condolences. My family isn't that bad - single mom, never met my biological father, stepfather mom met when I was about 7 just so happened to be the least compatible person with me I've ever met. Buncha emotional abuse mainly because he was raised that way, as I understand it. Self-perpetuating abuse cycle and all that. They've split up and probably wouldn't see each other anymore if not for having to share custody of my brother. Technically half-brother I suppose, but that's a thin distinction.
Also - your friend does not sound like she's withdrawing. She's just living her life without any idea what's going on in your head. Hanging out with friends is a normal thing for her to do and not related to you at all. Even if you were in a relationship, she would still hang out with her friends without you around.Yep. Easy for me to grasp now when I'm relatively distracted from my internal turmoil, but that feeling of jealousy and neediness and all that's getting worse as time goes on and it's nigh impossible to think rationally when under its effects. Unpleasant.
Seeing her at work is obviously not enough if you want a relationship - your instincts on that point are good. The problem comes because you don't know if she wants a relationship with you. Nothing is settled.This point has some good advice in it, but circumstances that you don't know about render it null and void. To summarize, she's been in a stable relationship for about 3.75 years now and I didn't say anything when I noticed my feelings developing due to my chronic undervaluing of my own wellbeing and not wanting to complicate the situation/lose the only friend I had/have. By now obviously the emotional front has gotten significantly more fucked up on my side and I've finally figured out that confessing would let me at least start to move on. Also I'm not even sure if I would want to date her or if it's just me latching onto the first non-familial person to show me a measure of affection in a while and cranking the attachment dial up to 12/10. If I could think rationally about it I could answer that, but I haven't been able to for quite a while now.
If you really want to try for a relationship, I don't think waiting is a good idea. Women do eventually notice guys who are becoming increasingly stalky and you sound at risk for escalating without realizing it. Don't wait for a 'perfect moment' or whatever. Just tell her and ask her out to something casual, easy, and low-commitment. The goal is to make spending time with you fun and easy for her, not to pressure her into anything. Prepare yourself - she could well say no, and you need to be ready for that and able to not get upset at her (getting upset in private later, fine and healthy, but absolutely do not pressure her if she says no).
much going on in your life dealing with your crappy family and job. A lot of women would look at things and go 'This guy has a lot going on and I want to be with someone who can put our relationship first'. Putting romance on the backburner to focus on your own emotional health and getting away from your dysfunctional family might be the most important thing you can do to be more romantically attractive.Mostly same as above. The job's honestly not a bad one, I'm just getting really bored with it and I'm starting to associate the emotional pain and all that with the place since I see her there most often. And while I don't deny that my family was dysfunctional as fuck for at least 9 years, the thing I was ranting about last night had pretty much nothing to do with that - I just seem to have developed this complex or something where I get irrationally angry at my mom when I see her drunk. It's actually kinda concerning since I don't know what caused it to pop up and whether it's been going on for a whole or just started. Point being, I'm mainly the one with the issues, my family's (well my mom and my brother, I don't really include the stepdad in my familial image) pretty much okay. She just went over to a friend's and got caught up having fun talking with them.
s a cheap stand-in until you have the resources. It's a book about identifying bad mental habits and getting out of them. Other self-help books about self-esteem, communicating assertively but not aggressively, how to understand your instincts, etc would also be good first steps. Do you have a local pastor or teacher who would be on your side and keep your interests in mind that you could talk to?No pastor/teacher I could talk to; never really connected with any figure of authority growing up, partially due to moving all the damn time (probably didn't help with the trouble making friends) and the consistent trouble with expressing my feelings that's plagued me since I was around 7 or 8. Actually looking back I can see the patterns in my behaviour that indicated it was starting. Damn. Though after this morning I think I'll make another appointment with the therapist I was seeing earlier.
