Bay 12 Games Forum

Oh meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

dammit I have too much excessive emotional commitment going on in my head right now to really write all that much.
That's my excuse.
PTW.

Truth be told besides a moment where I slipped into despondency, I did not get as sad as I thought I would from drinking alcoho-

theeeeere it is

yep

that's me for the night I think
Gonna go pointlessly be depressed about stupid shit that'll never turn out in my favour for however long until I pass out

I very much dislike how I'm almost of two minds about this whole thing. On one hand, I desire her very strongly. On the other hand, my rational mind tells me that attempting to make it would cost me very much and also fuck everything over in my life.
Why can't reality just match up with what I want? A rather infantile thought, but one that won't leave the forefront of my mind. It feels petulant.

Mregrgh. I understand why people with personalities like mine become such heavy drinkers, because it loosens their inhibitions sufficiently that they can actually interact with people on a level that they're incapable of opening up to normally. It almost makes me wish I got completely smashed just so I could really say what was on my mind.
But again, that nagging voice in the back of my head just telling me don't do it is stronger. Stronger than most anything after how many years of repression and pain I've fed it. I don't reckon I'll ever really actually open up to anyone. Maybe that's a good thing, I doubt people would like what they saw. Just someone who spends most of their waking moments wanting after someone that's not and will never be attached to them. Not a very impressive inner psyche to have. Doubt I could ever open up to someone like that face-to-face without an excessive amount of alcohol, and I wouldn't be able to talk by that point anyway. Not like you, Internet. Nice faceless Internet. I can just ramble on all fukken day about the internal bullshit I generate and never worry that I'm going to alienate a social connection in my life because I don't interact with anyone on here really anyway and I'm mostly incapable of giving a fuck about most of you because my inner thoughts don't really grasp that you're really people per se so much as conveniently shaped lines of text. Silly inner thoughts, you're never right but form such a large part of my problems.

I evidently become quite rambly when I'm sad like this. I apologize to whoever finds this. I'm going to go regret my capacity to love now. Good night bay12.

Edit again: ah shit my emotional state right now can be summed up by a Calvin Harris song. Yeah I done fucked up something.

I figure I should post here, given that I drank a non-negligible amount of alcohol for the first time tonight, though I never really went beyond tipsy.
Let's see how my memory is, I had:
-a I'm not quite sure what it's called but it was some sort of slushy-like thing. Started with a b.
-something called a pornstar shot, which I'm told has very little actual alcohol content.
-a jägerbomb
-two beers of some generic shitty brand
-two shots of vodka

All spread out over several hours, of course. I'm just glad that I didn't say what I really wanted to say and at the same time really did not want to say.

My inhibitions are much stronger than I thought they were. This is a good thing.

"Hush about that before the Salthe hear. I'm going to begin my legend with them, with their belief it should start coming back."

"Check the leaves of my plant, I'm pretty sure someone made them into a drug thing.

"Where is this Most High of yours? And why is it a crime for minds to intrude upon your domain?

We will of course accompany you," he finishes, glaring pointedly at the others.

Talk!