Bay 12 Games Forum

...you get to spend the equivalent amount of time they spend tinkering without a character breaking their knees over and over again and posting excessive descriptions about it?

Is the action violent? If so, go to A. If not, go to B.

But see it could be wierd, especially for Xan since when/if he shapeshifts into a hulking 3-ton berserker lizardman or something you'd think he'd have a high strength value, but he has 0 at the moment.

"Alrighty then. Mind explaining what exactly it is you're doing before I die or explode or panic and atomize the surrounding area? If I can even do that."

Do something ridiculous while I wait for whatever inevitable doom he's concocting to descend upon me - cook a universe into being out of whatever surrounding materials there are, including the king and/or the amulet, if he doesn't object.

((Notice, I might but probably won't end up changing this action tonight, since I'm not quite sure what exactly my thoughts are doing at the moment.))

It doesn't really do anything but make me feel really guilty and then I distact myself with how guilty I'm feeling and get into a guilt party with myself instead of studying.
The conclusion I've come to is that if I don't want to study something it's nigh impossible to make me do it, even if I really should.

Man, I really should've actually been studying for this test instead of fucking around on the internet. I know from extensive experience in the subject that when I do manage to study at least a little that I do a bit better on tests, so I really should. I also know that if/when I do badly on it, I'm gonna feel really shitty for quite a while concerning my academic competence and such, as I've gone through this exact same fucking cycle before. And yet I didn't do anything this time either. I never study or put in any effort to this stuff and it's seriously detrimental not only to my academic record and stuff but also my self-esteem. So why don't I ever do anything about it? Just because the stuff I always end up looking at is more interesting can't be a good answer that'd be accepted by anyone, and yet that's the only reason I can really think of.
Do I even want to do school right now? It'd obviously a waste of money if I keep on paying for courses and then losing interest 3 weeks in like this, but what the hell else can I do with my life?
Ugh. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm unmoored, no real investment in anything or anybody (aside from familial connections) aside from my karate, which is honestly the only thing keeping me from just laying in bed all day because it's definitive proof that I have the capacity to do tough shit if I put my mind to it.
I think I need to figure out how to commit to shit before I move on with actually doing life shit. Also how to start conversations with people, and express my emotions in meatspace, and a whole other host of issues I have with communicating and expressing myself.
I'm honestly probably overexagerating some of the above problems and I'll feel marginally better about them in the morning. Or I'll be too busy doing things to remember how sad I should probably be feeling. Funny, I've been asked by my mom if I'm depressed or bipolar or somesuch, but I don't really think I am, it's just that school or other topics related to personal responsibility stress me out and make my mood swing faster than a pregnant lady. I know this for a face because I've lived with multiple pregnant women over the years and they were all calmer than I was when it concerned responsibility and stuff. I don't even know why, I've proved I'm at least mildly competent with all I've done, but the prospect of responsibility being placed on my shoulders fills me with simultaneous trepidation and resignation. Fear of failure, I suppose, probably from being yelled at so much whenever I fucked up in the slightest when I was younger or something.

And now I feel somewhat normal and it took me about two minutes to write this. See what I mean about my mood swinging like the world's fastest metronome?
Also damn that's meandering as balls.

Deep breaths. Meditate. Steady the spinning.