Bay 12 Games Forum

Basically, the more I know about autism, or more specifically high-functioning autism and Asperger's syndrome in particular, the more I feel that I might actually have it. While I generally tend to be somewhat hypochondriac and self-diagnose myself with all sorts of disorders, I usually find enough counterarguments to said self-diagnoses to debunk them - case in point, while I sometimes have trouble concentrating on things (and thus was suspected to have ADHD when I was younger and more recently my mom suggested I may have ADD/ADHD-PI), it's not nearly bad to the extent of that, however it just doesn't apply to autism.

I keep stimming in many various ways (though flapping hands is not one of them, not that I recall doing that anyway) even as I'm typing this, I tend to have special, intense interests for short periods of time (in an ironic and meta twist, autism or more broadly 'any mental/neurological disorder I might be afflicted with' as one of my friends pointed out is one of them as of late; other notable interests of mine include Linux and previously games like TF2 and Awesomenauts, but they come and go fairly quickly), I have some degree of sensory processing issues (I hate certain sounds/loud noises/light touch, though I don't have as much issue with specific textures for fabrics or foods) and I'm not very verbal (and when I am, I stutter and stumble over my words) and in general communication can be sorta problematic. And let's not even mention how incredibly anxious social situations make me.
I don't really think I get full-on meltdowns per se, though I do lose my patience pretty easily over absolutely tiny things, though maybe I just can't tell a temper tantrum and a meltdown apart since I might just be prone to both.

And I've been exhibiting most of those traits for years without anyone really noticing or suspecting I might be autistic. Ugh.
Also, while I realize that online self-tests' credibility is average at best, the fact that all of them give me a score that further points towards the likelihood of me being an Aspie/autistic, it's hard for me to not just accept that as a fact that only really needs to be confirmed by an official.
(Although the fact that I don't exhibit all of autistic traits or don't exhibit the ones I do 24/7 makes me anxious that I'm just being overly paranoid, even though I realize that autism is a spectrum and not everyone experiences it the same way... Lovely.)

Now, I'm not asking anyone here for a diagnosis or anything - I've been to a psychiatrist last week (who is a really nice person which contrasts a lot with my previous psychologist who I went to last year a few time, whom I just couldn't seem to get much help from, but at the same time I wasn't as concerned with autism at that time) I do have a psychologist appointment scheduled for late March followed by another psychiatrist visit, all with the intent of performing a diagnosis.

(Granted, I seem to also struggle with a few other issues, namely depression and a few kinds of anxiety, but autism kinda seems like the underlying one.)

I'm not exactly 'afraid' of being diagnosed with either HFA or ASD (since I'm more than certain that I am not 'low-functioning' since that would have been far more obvious). Hell I would actually genuinely welcome a confirmation since it would just make so much about me finally make sense and not make me feel like some kind of oddball nerd who just happens to have a bunch of quirks and is overly sensitive. I get that I will still be the same person I've always been, but knowing what exactly I do or do not have would feel really relieving, even if it does mean that some things in my life might be different or more difficult than they would be if I were neurotypical (even if I'm not somehow diagnosed with autism, the fact that I'm at least neurodivergent is just downright non-negotiable by the looks of it).

...I don't really know where or how to end this. Do any of you B12 Aspies/autistics (because I refuse to believe that I'm the only one here who may or may not have that disorder) have any simililar experiences/stories/traits?