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Messages - Hanslanda

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10816
A well-dressed, aristocratic appearing human settles into a chair, laying his bronze spear across the arms, and shifting so his armor sits more comfortably. He smiles, and the tips of two fangs just barely peek out before he begins speaking in an oddly accented voice, "I am Obur Gauntbreed. I became a vampire in the year 83 of this mighty world Planes of Wind. I was born an outsider, to unknown parents, of reportedly divine nature. Once I became a vampire, I realized that a normal life of skulking and secret murder was not going to work out for me. I was too noticeable." He grins lopsidedly. "So I became a hero. I hunted bandits, murderers, criminals, outlaws, highwaymen." His grin morphs into a grim, and toothy, parody of a smile. "You wouldn't believe what 'civilized' people will allow you to do in the name of justice. I supplemented my diet of evil men with an occasional slave, always coming in the depths of night, taking my victim and their inevitable corpse deep into the wilds, and dumping it where no one will ever find it."
His smile fades, and a note of sadness enters his voice, "Until I met her." He shakes his head, and goes on more forcefully, "She was a swordswomen in the service of the Dominant Empire, my adopted home. We traveled far, being the first to climb the peaks of nine mountains and four volcanoes. Then, we were ambushed one day. I was far too dangerous then to be touched by goblins, even thirty of them. But they crippled her, tearing motor nerves in her left leg and right hand, scarring her beautiful face, and then they gouged a vicious cut across her lovely neck."
Obur lowers his head, silent and tense. "I. Killed. Them. All. Every goblin in the world. I exterminated them. But first, I DISMANTLED those ambushers. I ripped them limb from limb, and the one who dealt the killing blow... Well, he lived, but I so thoroughly ruined every aspect of him, that the insane, brutalized torso I left behind bore no resemblance to the monster that stole my love. I haven't drank since she died. I hope one day, I might find a beast strong enough to end me, so I might see her again, but I have not yet met a worthy foe."

10817
DF Adventure Mode Discussion / Re: What Annoys You?
« on: May 30, 2012, 01:20:19 am »
Vampire with one thousand kills: I win.
Vampire with nine kills: I get violently disassembled in wrestling while wearing armor and using a weapon.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

10818
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Secure beekeeping made easy
« on: May 30, 2012, 01:18:49 am »
Okay, untargetable steel-tipped vorpal brown recluse venom beasts and each one stings you more than a whole hive of bullet ants would if they were literally inside you, all by itself. These bees are fucking sexy, pardon the language.
Edit: Magma. I... I am at a loss for words.

10819
This sounds epic. I have nothing to contribute at the moment, but I will be watching with great interest. Martin, I award you two full internets for insane skill, skilled insanity, and impressive originality. Good luck.

10820
:) I don't think I can get the little bastards to pour the mead into the mug, or I would, just for ya'll. I'll post a screenshot for ya'll when I finish it tomorrow if you want.

Edit: Do I have to have an Imgur account to post pics there?

10821
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: What's going on in your fort?
« on: May 29, 2012, 11:40:18 pm »
Deep pit. Its a normal underground feature. My volcano map has a normal volcano, and a pit like the one you just described, to the gabbro and all.

Shadebeast has begun and completed construction of the first three levels of my 15 z level magma and bees mug megaproject. Built of dacite, as a tribute to Spearbreakers. And also, I wanted to build a big thing, and I'm not artistic, so no animals.

10822
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Secure beekeeping made easy
« on: May 29, 2012, 11:13:26 pm »
An UNTARGETABLE vorpal flying brown recluse.

10823
Bwahahaha, bring it on God of Rainbows appearing as a female dwarf. I WILL MESS YOUR ASS UP. But the volcano god, um... I live in one... So...

10824
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Secure beekeeping made easy
« on: May 29, 2012, 10:29:42 pm »
So, bee stings equals incredibly rapid exsanguination and paralysis? Bring on the goblins, I've got some new toys. >:-)

10825
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Secure beekeeping made easy
« on: May 29, 2012, 10:11:35 pm »
But they really should.

10826
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Face Palm moments you had
« on: May 29, 2012, 10:11:02 pm »
Goddamnit, and mine just did that a day or two ago. It was... Hilarious.

10827
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Because of Dwarf Fortress...
« on: May 29, 2012, 10:07:54 pm »
Oddly, so am I. Well, more like 6'.5 but I round up for shoes. Maybe he has one of the jackhammer backhoe things.

10828
DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: Because of Dwarf Fortress...
« on: May 29, 2012, 09:59:34 pm »
Corai is like, three and half feet tall max. :P

10829
Spearbreakers has inspired me to make a giant mug above my volcano, and then fill the handle with bees, and the cup part with magma.

10830
The name is Doctor Death, I'm a hundred and seventy five, and I will just RUIN your damn day, young'un.

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