Bay 12 Games Forum

Barf up shotgun

[6] You vomit two shotguns out of your front door. How a house manages to vomit, let alone synthesize shotguns out of thin air is beyond me, but you did it anyway. Congratulations.

begin capturing animals.

[5] By animals I assume you mean small children. Two girl scouts tiptoe over the shotguns in front of you and ring your doorbell. "Come in" you say trying to imitate a person inside of yourself. When the girl scouts walk in you seal your front door behind them. +[4] dozen boxes of delicious cookies.

Fund Corai.

[5] You successfully donate all of your money to a stark raving madman. However, now the show has no funding and is cancelled. You are no longer aired and therefor do not exist.

Fight MrWillsauce's influence.

[6] You are beyond my control, but not the control of dice. Also you are still a homeless man who is currently screaming "Fight MrWillsauce's influence!" at the top of his lungs in a public park and is about to be arrested.

Spinal_Taper: 0/0 HP, is a bankrupt television show
borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP, weak chicken is in Hell
 Dirg: 7/6HP, freak of nature struggling to fly, super healthy
Scelly9: 8/8 HP 4/6 WtL, farmhouse w/ an axe, 2 girl scouts, 48 cookies, 2 shotguns (0 shells)
Corai: A crazy homeless man who worships in the god Willsauce. w/ constipation, $2,000,000

Find the farmhouse.

[6] You don't have to look far because it turns out you ARE the farmhouse! +[2] Max HP due to natural wood armor.

You are god? Then I am the devil. Become devil of MrWillsauceism.

[2] You are nothing but a minor demon in the Willsauce cosmology. By which I mean you are a crazy homeless man who spends his days on the streets yelling "I am nothing but a minor demon in the Willsauce cosmology!"

Become Robot Chicken.

[5] You become a successful stop-motion animated comedy television show. You earn [2] million dollars.

Spinal_Taper: 6/6 HP, is a television show w/ $2,000,000
borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP, weak chicken is in Hell
 Dirg: 7/6HP, freak of nature struggling to fly, super healthy
Scelly9: 8/8 HP 4/6 WtL, farmhouse w/ an axe (HEEEEEERE'S HOUSEYYYYY)
Corai: A crazy homeless man who worships in the god Willsauce. Also he has constipation.

Find a human to kill.

[2] You search for hours, but they closest you got was a dog walking bipedal.

Do the impossible in a roll to dodge and loose.

[2] You fail at "loosing". I assume you mean loosing your bowels. You are now constipated despite being nonexistent.

borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP, weak chicken is in Hell
 Dirg: 4/6HP, freak of nature struggling to fly, shrapnel in freak wings
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 6/6 WtL, chicken w/ an axe (HEEEEEERE'S CHICKYYYYY)
Corai: Does not exist, yet is suffering from constipation.

Use duck wings to fly out of farm, head to bird fights.

[2]You struggle to flap your wings and fly off the farm, but it takes forever. You'll never reach "bird fights" (whatever the fuck that means) at this rate.

hands out guns.

[1] You drop the rocket launcher as you try to hand it to the beakless chicken. It fires off a rocket as it hits the floor. The rocket flies off into the sky and explodes. The shrapnel hits Dirg as he struggles to fly -[2]HP.

shoots at horse from earlier.

[2] Corai.b grabs the shotgun and fires are the horse. The horse shines his ugly buck teeth at you, and [3] of the pellets are deflected off of them back at you. You are hit by one in the head for [6] damage. Another one of the pellets hits Billchicken -[3]HP. The third pellet hits Corai.a in the heart -[6]HP.

Begin training. I'll need all my strength to escape this hell.

[1] You struggle to bench press a 1/2 pound dumbbell and drop it on your neck. You nearly suffocate -[4]HP before you wiggle out from underneath it.

Begin writing up my plans to escape from the slave market they call the government, to break free from any rule, any law, any judgement passed upon me to become the one in charge, gathering chickens up from across the world and destroying the pathetic race called humans! Once this is done, I shall become the ruler of this new world, when only beings that I allow to live, live! No-one will cross me, because I shall strike them down on the spot!

MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

[4]You write a beautiful plan, although you doubt you will be able to read it again (your handwriting is CHICKENSCRATCH)

borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP, weak chicken is weak
 Dirg: 4/6HP, freak of nature struggling to fly, shrapnel in freak wings
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 6/6 WtL, chicken
Corai.a: 0/6 HP, [dead]free rooster
Corai.b: -3/6 HP, [dead]mute rooster

Do flying training!

[3] Meh. You don't learn much from the training, but you have come to the realization that you aren't good at anything -[6]Will to Live. You are melancholy and on the brink of suicide.

Corai.A finds chicken black market. Buys shotgun.

[6] Corai.a approaches a gun stand, which is manned by a man wearing a confederate flag-bearing T-shirt with the sleeves cutoff. The man spits black tar on the ground and says "how may I help you?" revealing his 3 remaining teeth. You sing the most beautiful cockadoodle in the world. In reaction to the song, a single tear rolls down his face as he puts the barrel of a 12 guage into his mouth and pulls the trigger. You loot the stand for tons of goodies.

Corai.B attempts to find healing summer.

[3] He finds a boring regular Summer.

Dirg: 6/6HP, freak of nature still shaking his ass
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 0/6 WtL, lethargic depressed chicken
Corai.a: 6/6 HP, free rooster w/ shotgun(10 shells), rocket launcher (2 rockets), and .44 magnum (either 0 or 1 rounds; you feelin' lucky?)
Corai.b: 3/6 HP, mute rooster

Were you trying to literally build a submarine that could propel itself, or some sort of station?

The goal is to get a dwarf from the surface to the bottom of a body of water without flooding the vehicle with water or crushing the dwarf. No propulsion is necessary (although that would be extremely impressive/impossible).

I had a map with tons of gold and I started construction of "Operation Yellow Submarine" to turn my nobles into brave magma submarine sailors while paying homage to the Beatles. Things didn't turn out though... (Tantrum spiral).

You are a chicken on a farm. What do you do?