Bay 12 Games Forum

How to tell a cat might be somewhat ill: You pick it up and it shits all over your shirt.

Helluva' way to start the day

It's mostly the immortality, generally. More things kill you quick (well, depending on the vampire that might be more of a sidegrade instead of down, but eh), less things kill you slow.

Also maybe you can be a skinny caber toss god in nighttime scottish festivals or somethin'. There's upsides is all I'm sayin'.

That said, seeing him act all gung ho really made me want to find him something to do.

Let’s see… he’s much pretty limited to using only his mouth and front paws. The former was much more reliable than the latter, so we’d need something that wouldn’t suffer from him holding it in his mouth all the time.

『Oh, I know. How about helping me make the butter?』

「Woof?」

『One sec.』

I grabbed a barrel out of the dimensional storage. Inside was freshly squeezed milk, obtained from none other than our friend at the Luciel Conglomerate. The plan was to use it in order to create butter which would then be used for the chicken broth we needed to flavour the spiciest variation. I was originally planning to just use of space/time magic, but this was one of the few things that Urushi could actually do, so might as well leave it up to him instead.

To begin, I had him return to his usual size.

『Hey Urushi, open wide.』

「Bark.」

『Catch.』

「Woof?」

『Make sure you don’t bite down, alright? The barrel’s made out of wood, so it’ll probably break if you do. 』

「Woof.」

『Alright, you don’t actually need to do anything super complicated. All you have to do is start shaking it as hard as you can and not stop till I tell you to.』

「W-Woof…?」

『Hey, you’re the one who said you wanted to help, so get to work already.』

「W-Woof!」

Urushi obediently started to reproduce the ever so well known phenomenon of violent headbanging in response to my commands. All he had to do was keep that up for an hour, and we’d have butter! Though, he’d also probably be a bit more than just a bit dizzy, but hey, whatever. He asked for it.

Headbanging wolf churns butter, more at eleven.

E:

Time flew as we concentrated our assigned tasks; the evening had almost seemed have blindsided us.

Urushi was, as one would expect, no longer able to stand on his feet. He’d been wobbling about in one of the room’s corners ever since he completed his task.

Idle nightmare/absurdity fuel: Derr Nibble Lung In. The tale of an idiot but betoothed pair of lungs slowly chewing on the insides of a person's body.

_{Presumably the nerve damage involved somehow makes the victim hallucinate Wagner.}

Or just getting off it entirely. Least personally, I saw a noticeable increase in general energy once I did, even with a schedule that would regularly say hello to four in the morning. Could have been as much 'cause I was getting it primarily from soda as the caffeine itself, in retrospect, but eh.

Towards the point I said enough, drinking the stuff generally just made me kinda' miserable in exchange for a minor degree of normalcy, rather than any particular boost. Keep needing to look into decaf/uncaf teas, though. I miss tea. Though not sweat tea or its ilk. Never have liked the stuff. Can drink it, but give me a nice hot tea over it any day...

"Good Sir Drevin! Let's ride the catapult one more time - pleeease?"

Figured out later it was less catapult and more cannon, but... basically while the MC isn't quite enthused about being literally shot at the enemy's forces, the folks around him sodding love it and the asgard forces in general seem to like using artillery as a means of transportation. So yeah, that's the sort of reaction being encountered.

There's been basically the people!mortar I mistook for a catapult they use for short-ish distance stuff as well as multi-mile range people!artillery they use for rapid transport of smaller forces. The MC is mildly terrified every time they mention a means of transit he doesn't recognize, heh.

*shrugs* It would still have to prove damages, far as I'm aware, or have a stipulated penalty fee* or somethin'. Basically not something omarosa (or much of anyone else) really has to worry about, heh. NDAs only have so much teeth at the end of the day.

* Number of people willing to cover that for stuff on the tangerine shitgibbon: Probably larger than his inauguration crowd.

The NDAs are both unenforceable (on multiple different levels, from what I understand; on top of other problems with them apparently federal employees are some sort of exception to them sticking,* though I haven't paid attention to the details) and frankly a nasty trap for trump/the white house even if they weren't.

The thing about NDAs is their punitive aspect works off damages. Monetary damages. Which would have to be proven. I.e. trump would have to provide proof he's profiting off his position as POTUS to get anything out of anyone that signed the pointless things.

*E: More specifically, as near as I can tell the extent a NDA can be applied to a former federal employee speaking on unclassified subjects is "not". By firing omarosa (or any other person that's been a federal _{and maybe political in general} employee), pretty much any NDA that was agreed to became void. The POTUS cannot legally censor the speech of a former employee speaking about what they experienced during their job save regarding matters formally classified. First amendment's a bit of a bastard of a thing that doesn't quite apply to the government like it does to non-government entities~