March 6, 2024: Dwarf Fortress 50.12 has been released.
News: February 3, 2024: The February '24 Report is up.
News: February 4, 2021: Dwarf Fortress Talk #28 has been posted.
News: November 21, 2018: A new Threetoe story has been posted.
Forum Guidelines
When your primary food source is disabled dwarves, livers are much more important than brains.
Quote from: GlanzorMy ... dwarves just elected a vampire into the mayor's office. Several weeks after she was found out and convicted for two murders.wow, it's almost as if Dwarfs are little psychopaths.
I don't know anymore.
Quote from: KarakzonThe question is: how do you profaine a temple dedicated to pure greed? 0.oBurn a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
dammit arthur stop messing around with that BB gun, put on those goddamn magical panties, pull a lightning bolt outta your ass and help me kill this guy
((Hehe... i predict more butt jokes in the future))
We're trying to con a shopkeeper into giving us infinite gold via repeated self mutilation that turns bodily fluids into weapons so we have the capability to inflict more self mutilation.
Capitalism!
Quote from: GreatWyrmGold...You're arguing with the GM?Because each player's delicious tears are fuel for the continued torture that is the Warrens of Oric the Awesome.
Why don't you argue with Jesus about how much Peter liked clams?
And then toaster admits he wants my stick.
Listen man, You're cool and all but...well I'd have to ask the missus, ya know?
Quote from: Zanzetkuken The GreatSigged.Quote from: Xanmyral...uh, you realize that you just created an infinite recursion loop in this thread, right?
Ritualised murder is also best reserved for the second date.
I had an English teacher ask the class what they would do to save Romeo and Juliet and I said to hire Romeo a prostitute. Apparently backing that kind of assertion up with logical evidence makes things worse too.
Quote from: RemuthraBah, computers aren't real instrumentsEverything is an instrument if you hit it the right way..
Quote from: DampeThe Shaft of Enlightenment?We're giving the world itself a huge wooden strap-on and forcing dwarves to defend themselves against its overwhelmingly powerful thrusts.
Is this thread some kind of dick joke?
I'm sure that at this level of magnitude, whatever we're doing to the test subjects goes beyond the realm of dick jokes and becomes a dildo-assisted atrocity.
Dear Urist McWrestler,
Why were you french kissing mutant poisonous boa constrictors. NEVER FRENCH KISS MUTANT POISONOUS BOA CONSTRICTORS! Really, that is underlined twice on the first page of the dwarven military manual...
Dear Werebeast's wife,
I didn't realize you were in the squad that was sent retrieve your husband's corpse. I apologize for your emotional shock. I will say he died in one of the most dignified ways a dwarf can die: repeatedly impaled by multiple iron spikes, screaming in agony as his legs are shattered multiply times, eventually taking seperate spikes to the heart and lungs before choking to death on his own blood, alone and seperated from his loved ones.
Sincerely
Overseer
to the dwarves of Machinespires XLVIII:
I'd like to thank you antisocial little bastards for staying in your rooms like you're supposed to. Thanks to you there have been two residential deaths in the eighty-two years you lot have been building a hive on the side of this volcano, and frankly that cave-in was my fault for not designating dig tiles more carefully. Thanks also to Urist McHauler19 for starting a fistfight when you tantrumed and punting the undead Giant Sperm Whale into the volcano, your hissy fit broke a nine-year stalemate that my adamantine-equipped swordsdorf squad was helpless to break.
Yours,
Your grateful, impressed, and mildly disturbed Overseer
I was seriously concerned when a dwarf and his wife both mentioned pleasure from dining hall tables. Guys, I'm making bedrooms as fast as I can, okay? And migrant housing might be public, but at least it's not got children present. You eat off those tables, honestly...
I...I don't see how this counts as SCIENCE. Where does the improbable magma murder fit in?
Quote from: OmeganautBe a Teacher. Continue on from where we left off...
the GM reads the thread
the GM does not feel comfortable
the GM sympathizes with WORLDMASTER
the GM has assumed the FETAL POSITION
the GM says that he will post a FULL UPDATE soon
HE isn't touching that with a ELEVEN-FOOT POLE, though
. I speak German, but not that dialect at all. Don't even live near Cologne, so I have no idea where that came from.
Naryar named someone
