Bay 12 Games Forum

This really is a tough one.

Hmm. Yielding seems suicidal; the elf has expressed a want for killing us in the past. Throwing the axe is also non-optimal; getting through the crowd without it will be difficult, our dagger isn't all that heavy and won't get them out of the way that much.

Maybe we should ask the half sister what she thinks. I still say before we slay the elf we should get him to accept his sister publicly. Holding a elf position should let us into the city. Then the terror and women will fall from the sky!!

How about we light the women on fire before we throw them off the clouds? We'd be able to say that they got killed in a meteor shower. I'm not sure about doing this to terror, though. I rather like her. Although, if we do kill her, our grief will make others less likely to suspect us.

If we get shelter, we'd have to enter the city first. If that's going to happen in the first place, they'll want to be sure we're not bringing some mass burning device or a particulary vicious vermin or syndrome. Ample reasons to search our bag, and the gauntlet in it does not look benevolent, red smoke and all.

If asked about our doctorship:

We became a doctor when we stole a doctor's hat. Well, we didn't steal it, we only steal hearts, but we thought about it. And the thought is what matters, isn't it? And boy, the things we're thinking about doing to you. Not traditional dwarven things such as killing you like a dog and making delicious puppy roast out of your remains, mind. Unless you're into that sort of thing. Oh, sorry, you must like dogs. Doggy style is a favorite of ours as well.

Edit:
If she claims that stealing a hat doesn't make you a doctor:
Well, dwarven doctoring is a little different. It's democratic. After all, if everyone says your ears have been cut off by a small perverted madman, that's probably true. Speaking about democracy, we're voting for the two of us to bump uglies. We're worth five people *point towards pants* by the way.

Edit2: Don't tell me I have to provide all the innuendo. This stuff is to come hard with. This stuff is hard to come up with.
At least we're not a woodsman. Well, not in the traditional sense, anyway, since we do have all the wood you'll ever need. And if we run out for some reason, we can always chop you down... We kid, we kid. We'll use a tree if it comes to that.

So, where does your mother live? Why? Cause if your sisters are anywhere near as hot as you, we feel obliged to try and make some more.

Edit3: If the mother turns out to be dead, we should ask if we can still get her womb to work.

Edit4: If she expresses disgust at us for wanting to make children with her mother:
We're a doctor, it's not just for fun, we'd also do her to study the elven race. We've got all kinds of questions. Would an elf-dwarf crossbreed be as hot as two of us? Would you sleep with us when drunk? What if we slept with your father first? Is he good looking like you? Would you be intrested in a drink?

As you can hear, we're very rigorous. We'll examine you very closely when next we find a bed.

Edit5:
Well, we needn't neccerairily make more sisters for you. We could also make you hotter, but I fear that at this point it'll involve dousing you in oil and lighting you on fire. There's a human village not far away, they're sure to have some. How about we _*thrust* come there with you?

If she runs away at some point, we should shout to her that we haven't even found a coffin for her yet.

Edit6:
If she runs away, we could try to chase her, tie her up and bring her to elftown. There we can claim that she's unable to tell dwarves apart from one-another and is confusing us with another dwarf that recently went mad. We had to incapitate her to stop her from bringing harm to herself in her panic.

go all out with the sexual innuendos!! if it backfires we can still say is a dwarven custom to which our elf buddy will probably agree saying that dwarves do indeed have weird customs and such..

Edit: also ask her if she hasn't happened to have seen a lost nurse

-cause she's got one heck of a sick ass?

Edit: No, really, she should get that checked. Did we mention we're a doctor?

Edit2: Cause we really are a doctor, and a mayor too. Yes, we're a very important person. We didn't ask for dwarves to kill elves, though, oh no. Doctors shouldn't meddle in politics, that's what mayors are for. But in our oppinion, we'd rather be the only one _*thrust* skewering elves.

I tried to put 'come' in there somewhere, but it felt forced in.

Edit: Ah crap, now everything sounds suggestive.

Did we caught the female elf while she was masturbating!!? what's that thing in her hand?

Let's err on the side of caution as far as this elf's gender is concerned. We know how they like to cross dress, after all. Sure, it's no particular intrest to me, but we might offend them if we make the wrong assumption.

Anyway, the first thing we want is information. Who this elf is, what it's doing and why. If it's a citizen of the elves' place it might serve us to let our elf do some talking if he tries. Still, if he weirds it out, we should take back the conversation, apologise and tell it he had to endure a pretty tough time in prison.

We need an excuse to not tell our name first. Feign (a different kind of) paranoia and ask it if it's part of the bandits. Mention that the bandits are pyromaniacs if it turns out not to be a bandit(tree lovers have some weird kind of grudge against people who cause forest fires, so not liking these bandits might get us a few bonus points.)

If it seems not to have any reason to screw us over, we can tell that we're travelers and where we're heading.

If it does turn out to have a reason to screw us over, pretend to have some kind of traumatic flashback to our previous combat encounters and start shouting wildly about them, in an attempt to scare it away. Then, once it no longer looks at us, drop to a fetal position for a few moments and ask what happened.


Of course, we could also start making wood-pun filled innuendo at him/her.