Bay 12 Games Forum

Ladies and Gentledorfs, I would like for you to meet a very special human who has survived what can only be described as stupid bullshit.


Uja "Paddledchurch" was just your regular .34.11 demi-god Lasher (hush, I know I'm a wussy. I just started. A real character anyway.) when one day he decided to go adventuring.  He went around town gathering friends (A maceman, a lasher, and a Pikeman) and some equipment (a whole buncha shit made out of sharks and hard leather. I'm wearing like four coats, two pants, two gloves, and two boots somehow. And a bitchin Hard Leather Armor. Everything is of varying quality, all good. I don't question it.) and then asked for some targets.

The townspeople told me of a goblin warlord, a vampire with EXACTLY 666 kills, and four night-creatures that are over a FUCKING MOUNTAIN that are somehow terrorizing them. Right okay, as long as I have something to do. I head towards the night creatures and discover mountains are fucking annoying to cross without quick-travel. Dumbass maceman OHK an alligator and pisses off its mate. I have to rush over and incapacitate it before Crocodile Dundee gets eaten. The entire party spends about 10 minutes real-time beating the crocodile to death. We then take a rest to let the idiot stop bleeding. Our nap is interrupted by an UNKINDNESS (that's a flock of Ravens) that try to EAT the mace-man. So I get up and half-awake bulldoze over one of the attacking Ravens. Most of them fly away, but three stay behind to fight. They get their asses torn apart, but manage to bite the maceman enough to "give into the pain." So I decide I'll COMMAND WAIT for him to wake up.

NOPE. Maceman was whisked away by the game for being unconscious during what I guess could be called a "loading screen."

Well, I continued on with my remaining piker and lasher. After a little while, it gets dark and we turn in for the night only to get ambushed by a small group of goblins. That is, 3 macemen, and a swordsman with possibly one other unit I forgot about. I get the lovely scar mentioned in the picture and the lasher gets the absolute shit beat out of him while the Pikeman cleans house. We kill everything and I get a new iron shield, and then we mope a few tiles away to rest again. After the nap, everyone's fine and we follow a mountain road.

On either side of the mountain road there are meadows with weasels, yaks, wolverines, and keas.

F.U.C.K.

My party members go completely mad and run off in every direction to kill everything they see, and I can't wait to look in legends mode to see how far they got, if I can remember their names. I keep walking thinking they'll catch up, the pikeman teleported to me once after I quick-traveled in a small forest spot. NOPE. They disappeared too, so I was alone. Luckily, I was in the mountains and didn't have to worry about boogeymen, so I made my way back to a fortress to get less retarded help.

The only problem was that night, after surrounding myself with campfires, TEN FUCKING NIGHT CREATURES SWARMED ME. Four of which were indeed the quest targets. Luckily, ol' Uja is faster than hell so I dodged a "Horned Man Child" onto one of the campfires and then sprinted for my life.

I made it back to a nearby fortress and got some more help. That's where the tale ends for now, but I expect more bullshit when I go back to the nightcreature cave, and when I go after the 666 vampire.

What sprite pack is that; what were the modifications you made so they can be copied; and you have to play fortress mode now so that shit gets engraved into something.

Where's the best place to find titans and FB's in a high savagery, high monster population, low civ world?

Try turning off things like Steam and Skype if you aren't expecting to use it while you play.

EDIT: So I finally crossed the Ocean and found some dingoes. This happened

I'm not in a "horror" or "terrifying" plane and as far as I know, it's not a mutant or anything. Maybe I screwed something up in the RAWS but what the FUCK is an "eye tooth"?

So I just checked and either these dingoes are mutants or I somehow permanently screwed up the RAWs when I tried to give a Bronze Colossus teeth.

I'd just killed my first vampire and I thought "Hey, I ought to get some companions and fight bandits." So I walked into what I assumed was an inn on top of a hill in the middle of a village called Scorchedcourage. She and her husband Ano were both in there with maces and shields. They were old as hell, but their physical descriptions struck me as "fit, spry, and capable of cracking skulls" so I hired them on the spot.

Funny story, Ano was lying between a Seamstress's legs. I also recruited him immediately before I recruited Dema because he was closer to the door, and only found out an hour later that they were married. Ano's head is the head Cobar is throwing in my signature. Ever since his death, Dema went from "that deadweight granny who lost her weapon hand in our first fight together," to "that insane warrior queen who uses her grief, pain, and rage as fuel for murderkillslaying."

I checked to make sure she's not a night creature. She's not.

I once watched her beat a Goblin Master Lasher to death with her larch crutch. And another time she pulled an eel out of a river just to strangle it to death. My theory is that if she doesn't kill at least one thing a week she'll lose her powers.

That's fantastic and hilarious.  I can't, however, see the picture, just the quote.

Swimming across an ocean to get my cotton-candy ass over to the main continent to fight some Titans and Megabeasts. World set to 5 years old, Very High savagery, Very High megabeast population, low civilization. I plan on wrestling every one of them to death with my cyan blue hands. I mugged a human miner for his bronze pickaxe so I could tell tiny, actually described as "enormous", wolves and hyenas to piss off faster.

I hope boats are implemented soon, swimming takes forever.

Hello Gentlemen and women, how would I go about adding teeth to a bronze colossus? So's my modified adventurer can bite faces.

Quote from: Loud Whispers on April 03, 2013, 02:24:54 pm

Nah. I think it's just a mistake to call most adventurers heroes. Most of the time they are unhinged, brutal killers with nothing to live for but killing. They take anything with no regards to custom or ownership. They breeze past scenes of devastation that would drive most insane without a glance. They care not for when a companion lies drowning in a river or dies bisected by a rhino, they curse them for being idiotic.
When the adventurer is told there is no more need for them, when there are no more targets to kill, why do they act surprised when our "hero" turns towards them and says "No"?

This is one of the greatest quotes I've seen in a long time. If it weren't so long it would be an amazing signature.

Cut off everything but the last sentence.