My husband still plays Birthright. *snippety snip*
I bought King of Dragon Pass, but I have a basic problem with the clan mores in the game. I'm just not a raiding and counting coup kind of person. I know that was traditonal in many cultures, and I don't fault it, but it's not something I am comfortable role-playing.
There are fan-made patches for Birthright, have you tried playing with them? I played it mostly when it was new; I tried playing it again in a blow of nostalgy two years ago or so. Unfortunately the adventure graphics...they have not aged well at all. Old 3D is just something I can't stand anymore, I don't know why.
Regarding Dragon Pass, you can play a peaceful clan. You choose in the beginning what kind of clan you play. Matriarchal peace clan can live without any warfare at all, though you still have to defend yourself against enemies. Plus of course, stealing cattle and the like is a major source of income.