Dr. [name redacted] here. I know that we're try to be as moral about this as possible, but I can not work with these materials. I mean, corpses are fine for experimentation normally, especially if they're gathered with permission like these ones, but COME THE FUCK ON! You give me materials that spontaneously reanimate into RANDOM ARMS AND LEGS and a bag of dust from a dead royal guard captain. (Although the helmet was bitchin', send Phil my regards for getting it. It's got that plume and those little teeth on it, very nice.) It's only thanks to PHIL (you know, Fuckup Phil) that I have a Gem (seriously? Who the fuck named these guys, Children's show writers?) that is willing to give me at least some basic help with these new mods, and let's not forget him getting me a that machine for pumping Spirit into things. Anyways, to sum up why I wrote this memo, start bringing me living subjects, or you're all fired.
PS. I need new gags, the last test subject bit right through the last one. I mean, the implant was a complete success after all.
PPS: Next person to ask about my relationship with the Pearl in any way the suggests I'm being anything but professional, is being used as a test subjects for uninary mods.