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Messages - Monitor Lisard

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511
Oh yeah. A paranoid dwarf with some kind of conspiracy, classics of the succession fort genre. I wonder if there is a special mad conspirator dwarven school somewhere, and its graduates are allocated to each and every fort.

I shall sunder the vaults of heaven and split the flesh of the earth. All shall quake at what I bring and the ground shall tear in my wake.

"Grim, dear, could you help me?  My power mining and terraforming general plan seems to be missing and...

...Grim?"

512
>Use Misty Snake tactics: A simple bin can be a great disguise.

513
I hate to ask, but some stuff has come up that will delay me finishing my turn by a few days (I know we have no listed time limit, but I tend to assume two weeks), can I have an extension or should I post up what I've got so far?

Of cousre, you can have it. Take your time.

514
Need's some spit and polish. Kinda heard to follow in its present form. Does seem like those poor bastards blundered into an evil mist though.

You see, I'm not that good at storytelling. You see, I basically have no idea how to improve that piece.

Well to me it reads sort-of more like a script than a story, if that makes sense. Just without a "<INSERT NAME>:" to denote who is speaking or acting. Here, I think this might give you an idea.

Spoiler: Original exceprt (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Slightly modified (click to show/hide)

Basically it's more a matter of how dialogue and the actions that went with them were carried out. I also changed a couple words here and there to make it look a bit nicer. Honestly I was never a great storyteller myself at first. My stuff read like giant bricks once upon a time.

Yet again I seem to face the situation where second part is more than twice larger than the first. Nice work coming both from TalonisWolf and Monitor Lisard. I could offer you some advice too, Lisard. Use " instead of - in dialogues. Have no idea why but it generaly reads better that way. My dialogue read like crap while I used -.

Thanks, your notes are pretty useful. :) By the way, here's the second part. I hope it's better in a way of storytelling:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)


515
Need's some spit and polish. Kinda heard to follow in its present form. Does seem like those poor bastards blundered into an evil mist though.

You see, I'm not that good at storytelling. I basically have no idea how to improve that piece.

516
Here's a short story. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

517
"- Excuse me, sir, do you accept deposits? - I asked the bank accountant, a tall, tired-looking dwarf with a neatly combed beard. He nodded:
- We do, maam. Would you like to create an account? - the tired dwarf grabbed a pile of vellum sheets and handed them over to me. I sighed. Dwarf, even adventurous types can't avoid paperwork... It seems that our kingdom is basically build on a top of a large bureaucracy pyramid - A bunch of nobles giving mutually contradicting orders is getting more and more power. Don't get me wrong - I respect authority, but a humble working-class dwarf can sometimes be astounded by the amount of bizzare mandates... In the past, the nobles used to be much more closer to a common dwarf. It's said that one member of Lizard clan (which I also belong to) was a duke somewhere in the north. And he was... How would you call it... primus inter pares. Yeah, the first among the equal.

By the way, somedwarf asked if I was Lizard's relative. Well, you could say that - we both belong to Lizard clan. The story goes that our mythical ancestor, Bronze Hydra, slayed a powerful dragon. That's why we have these names."

518
Am working to clear out or beast infestation and clean up junk.

Does it mean getting rid of witnesses and flooding the fortress with magma?

519
From the diary of Countess Monitor Lizard:

""It's time. Time for revenge." - I said with passion. Almost everyone nodded, although I notised Maskwolf wasn't too exited about this. Some other dwarves also frowned at my words. Grimmash looked ecstatic.

When I met king Melbil, I was... Surprised. I couldn't believe that we were going to kill that modest dwarf. For a moment, I hesitated. But then I realised that I had no choise. It did not matter who pulled the lever. Fate of the king was no longer in my hands. There was no way back...

Grim was the one who did it. He has almost certainly gone mad. He sends the grunts to deal with Forgotten Beasts which are roaming in the caves. Something is  going on. I'm not sure yet, but it seems to have something to do with fell beasts of the depth.

For all this years, I was living in Chamberdrums, but maybe it's time to leave this place? I hid a bag of gold coins in my room... You know what? F**k this place! I'm gonna grab a couple of adamantine wafers and buy myself a large-ass castle. Countess Monitor Lizard, you say? More like big boss Monitor Lizard..."

520
You planning on making this a Pyrrhic celebration?  Drop the entire fortress into magma, leaving only the kingtrap and cells remaining or something? (How very Bugs Bunny)

Nothing so elaborate. I'm still deciding quite what to do, but I think I can make it Fun no matter what.

Does it have something to do with the candy spire? Like, Grand Sweet-shop Heist or something?

Also, could you share the current save with us?

521
>Fall in a strange mood
>Ask for metal, green glass, cave spider silk, shells etc.

522
From the journal of Authority2:

asdfgsdghfgasdfgasa.
...
ELEPHANTSELEPHANTSFDAFSAFSAFDFASDA.
!!!!!!

This is an engraving of "Rough Rogue" the dwarf and a pink elephant. Rough Rogue is riding the pink elephant. This picture relates to the visions of "Authority2" the dwarf in Chamberdrums.


523
Ok, it seems that everyone has made their mind. Grim, you can now execute the king and put all his relatives in cells.

524
DF Community Games & Stories / Re: The Abbey of Sands - Community Fort
« on: February 14, 2014, 05:33:56 am »
From the diary of Komodo Dragon, blacksmith:

"Ya know, I'm getting used to living in this desert. The climate's harch, the conditions are modest and local wildlife is f***ing willing to kill you. Sounds like my kind of place. Our camp has been raided twice since I wrote my previous entry, but our militia managed to whoop their green arses. Broke Gamer got whipped to death... Poor sod. I kinda liked him. He used to borrow money from everyone and always said he's too poor to afford a proper housing.

In other used, I finally got to working in the new forge. Man, this thing is large! You could equip a full squad of triarii with bronze chestplates and steel spears. I've been making weapons and armor with pleasure, but this makes it even better.

One of my new aquaintances, Maub, keeps asking me about making arrows. He's a keen hunter, it seems. I like this of enthusiasm... I should consider asking him for some help with that cave. Kindabossy still doesn't let me there. Man, she gave an order to kill the pointy-eared traders... I don't support that kind of attitude, but desert laws are tough."


525
By the way, I am not sure if my vote was counted, because I pressed "Show results". My vote's on the first option from top.

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