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Life Advice / Re: Urgent advice needed for a (female) friend in a peculiar life situation
« on: March 21, 2015, 08:02:26 am »
While i'm no expert on anything, here's my 2 cents:
Option 1:
You distance yourself away from her, and rationalizing that its not your problem. Move on with your life and your own problems. After all you don't consider the 'Best Friend' status of your relationship to be 2 way. Ask yourself, what do YOU gain from that relationship verses what you put into it. E.g. If you are just a vent for her life problems, and you gain nothing else (do you get to vent too?), then there's really no reason for you to anything major really, and i mean. Really, what CAN you do?
Option 2:
Perhaps something inside of you feels some sense of duty or obligation to help this semi-friend of yours. Something gives you the feeling that helping your friend get back on track will make for a better friendship that YOU yourself may need in the future.
As her (presumed) best friend, you wield her TRUST, and given the dubiousness of her other relationships, you might be one of the strongest voices for her at the moment. So use that.
IMO this boyfriend sounds like bad news so i think she should seriously get out of that relationship before she things get REALLY messy (I.e that baby is born and the beatings get worse [they will]). While of course its up to your friend whether or not to have the baby, ask her whether she's considered the financial strain of caring for one, as well as the emotional rollercoaster that that child may never really get to know its father, or that it will lack a father figure in its life. Babies are serious responsibilities, they need stability, love and time.
How much time would she be able to devote to that baby? It's likely that kid may also be raised partially by her parents. And there's nothing wrong with that, but does she entrust HER child with her mother.
Generally speaking, i think the best you can do for her is to offer logical sound advice that question what her long term goals are. How are her studies? What are her employment aspects? While some emotional support is good, i think the best thing you can do for her is warn her of whats going to happen if she keeps up this relationship. I think for best results, give her the breakdown in a less time restricted place (say a cafe, or the park, or your place or something) because trying to explain this stuff on the bus just won't work.
Give her one good warning or chatdown. Then if she doesn't listen again.. then there isn't really much you can do. Go to option 1.
Its possible that perhaps you distancing yourself will be the final thing that makes her clock on. But other than that.. there really isnt much you can do other than PERSONALLY getting involved (like face to face with the boyfriend or mother).. but i don't think you'd want to that.
Anyway, ignore me if you want, after all, its your life. Just my insight.
Option 1:
You distance yourself away from her, and rationalizing that its not your problem. Move on with your life and your own problems. After all you don't consider the 'Best Friend' status of your relationship to be 2 way. Ask yourself, what do YOU gain from that relationship verses what you put into it. E.g. If you are just a vent for her life problems, and you gain nothing else (do you get to vent too?), then there's really no reason for you to anything major really, and i mean. Really, what CAN you do?
Option 2:
Perhaps something inside of you feels some sense of duty or obligation to help this semi-friend of yours. Something gives you the feeling that helping your friend get back on track will make for a better friendship that YOU yourself may need in the future.
As her (presumed) best friend, you wield her TRUST, and given the dubiousness of her other relationships, you might be one of the strongest voices for her at the moment. So use that.
IMO this boyfriend sounds like bad news so i think she should seriously get out of that relationship before she things get REALLY messy (I.e that baby is born and the beatings get worse [they will]). While of course its up to your friend whether or not to have the baby, ask her whether she's considered the financial strain of caring for one, as well as the emotional rollercoaster that that child may never really get to know its father, or that it will lack a father figure in its life. Babies are serious responsibilities, they need stability, love and time.
How much time would she be able to devote to that baby? It's likely that kid may also be raised partially by her parents. And there's nothing wrong with that, but does she entrust HER child with her mother.
Generally speaking, i think the best you can do for her is to offer logical sound advice that question what her long term goals are. How are her studies? What are her employment aspects? While some emotional support is good, i think the best thing you can do for her is warn her of whats going to happen if she keeps up this relationship. I think for best results, give her the breakdown in a less time restricted place (say a cafe, or the park, or your place or something) because trying to explain this stuff on the bus just won't work.
Give her one good warning or chatdown. Then if she doesn't listen again.. then there isn't really much you can do. Go to option 1.
Its possible that perhaps you distancing yourself will be the final thing that makes her clock on. But other than that.. there really isnt much you can do other than PERSONALLY getting involved (like face to face with the boyfriend or mother).. but i don't think you'd want to that.
Anyway, ignore me if you want, after all, its your life. Just my insight.
)
