Welcome to Anomshokmug, Agedcheeses! This fort is 10 years old, and encircles a volcano. The land brought the Mountainhomes unimagined wealth, as this embark carries with it silver, gold, copper,
and aluminium! After years spent flooding the market with ridiculously expensive aluminium flasks, building a palace for the monarch that never arrived, and giving every decent rooms and pet crundles, I decided to go
deeper.I had already made cautious attempts in adamantium mining (mostly because out of the 4 spires I found 3 were completely submerged in the magma sea) and decked out my best military dwarves in the stuff with armour and weapons. The royal palace even got an adamantium blast door for a monarch who wanted to be
very sure that he wouldn't be disturbed. (But apparently not even that was enough to please his Highness, who still hasn't shown up. Who's supposed to live in this palace, now? The crundles?)
But that wasn't enough. I had 98 dwarves, a thriving economy, and four full squads despite not ever having any invaders. I needed more.
So I sent down a lucky miner to breach one of the spires and unleash the demons - the miner actually stood there and tried to slug the first demon to pop up right in the face before the thing pushed him so hard his entire face exploded into gore. God bless that dwarf, he died like he lived: punching shit.
I decided to see how my Silver Guard would fare against them - 4 macelords, an axelord, and 5 grand master soldiers. They got sent down into the tight corridor to face the demons - heroically giving the single farmer still in the cavern time to get stuck in more webs and fall into a lake. They got slaughtered pretty fast - but managed to take out two of the demons, causing no more than a small hiccup. Undeterred but filled with rage at the resistance, the demons stormed through the rest of the tunnels and... Turned
away from the stairs that lead to the containment area to apparently have a spa day in one of the magma lakes.
Now, I was a bit perplexed and irritated - my containment area had the staircase surrounded by fortifications with the entire Fort Guard stationed there with steel bolts - the Captain of the Guard even had an artifact adamantium crossbow with the same material for bolts! It would be a killing field if the stupid demons would stop taking a vacation for like 5 seconds. Every single demon was either in the lake or lounging around the cavern.
So I built a steel drawbridge behind the containment area that lead to the fort proper, then when that blast door was shut I opened the bridge to the containment area itself. The demons' all simultaneously sensed dwarf beards, and properly made their bee-lines towards the staircase. Once i thought they were close enough, I had the lever flipped again to get the blast door closed - allowing everyone to open fire from the safety of the fortifications.
Unfortunately one of the demons was closer than I thought, and popped up in the containment area just as the switch was flipped. What happened next I can barely find words for:
Every single marksdwarf
bolted towards the demon and started to bash at him with their crossbows, standing over the bridge that was about to shut. The siege engineers
left the siege engines to run towards the demon, abandoning their giant ballistas and going fisticuffs with the giant demon from Hell.
During the confusion and in the midst of extract, the drawbridge shut and instantly killed half the squad who was on the 3 tile bridge - including the Captain of the Guard and his adamantium artifact and full quiver of adamantium ammo. All the siege engineers also perished, and apparently the
last surviving militiaman is only so because
he got caught in one of our own cage traps that was meant for crundles.it doesn't look like much, but this is the scene of one of the most embarrassing failures in my DF military history.
And these are the
stupid idiots poor victims.
I was already dealing with the fact I had inadvertently made the palace look like a giant phallus, I didn't need this too!
After this incident, no one even wants to enter the room at all. There's about 12 dwarves standing in the hall staring into the area at the demons. I put the seige weapons too close, so I can't even shoot at them with those - all I have left are my Adamantium Guard - which were meant to protect the monarch - and the Copper Guard, who are just random idlers that I conscript to give more use to the tonnes and tonnes of copper weapons and armour I have laying around.
I'm debating on punishing the dwarves for their poor life choices by releasing the demons into the fort proper, but the sheer luck of having all these high value materials and previous plans to grow the fort are making me want to just wall up this travesty and build a memorial over it. Maybe that statue of burning crundles on top of a giant facepalm. It can be a megaproject.