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Author Topic: A very special artifact  (Read 25931 times)

RenoFox

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A very special artifact
« on: April 11, 2012, 02:16:08 pm »

It all started on summer of 254, with the arrival of the human caravan. Or more precisely, half a second after its arrival, when the goblin siege arrived almost simultaneously, with a squad of hammergoblins mere feet away from the caravan. The dwarves couldn't help; they were too far, and needed at the ramparts of the fort itself.

The human caravan was guarded by four soldiers, three of whom died almost instantly. The last swordsman however, kept fighting.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

While he died in the end, he killed and crippled the entire hammersquad.

Meanwhile, the goblin main forces reached the fortress itself. 131 goblins against 182 dwarves with 17 squads. Everyone but doctors, smiths and carpenters were in the militia. It was the biggest fight ever, with blows exchanged so fast that combat logs recorded only five latest hits from each participants to keep from expanding beyond program limits. Melee and ranged fighters from both sides clumped into the courtyard so densely that there was no way to tell who was shooting which bolts.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The siege had been repelled, but at a terrible price. Friends, pets and family members lost, a multitude of dwarves crippled for life. Driven to the brink of madness by the horrors of life, a dwarf suddenly got a great idea. A great and terrible idea.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In the middle of the day, surrounded by witnesses, he struck down Aban Partnerpicks the Angelic Glaze of Society. His goal was more important than its consequences.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Aban's death was not in vain. The Fiendcrested isn't great in value nor function, but it is the first time I've seen a product of such legendary hatred. Totally worth it!

KodKod

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2012, 02:20:43 pm »

The mace craves souls.
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Monk321654

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2012, 02:44:24 pm »

"Heads, heads, heads heads heads" You hear it whisper.
It wants your foes blood.
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This is a side-effect of dwarven animal training (hit animal with hammer until it forgets that it hates you, then lovingly cuddle it).

I'm not your average Bay12er. I care about my drunken midgets.

AWdeV

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2012, 03:32:57 pm »

It's bone. Dwarf bone, but bone nonetheless. I doubt it's all that useful in combat.

I'd say give it to your "law" enforcer but that would be a mean thing to do to a mace that craves souls. It'd go hungry or something.
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Teenage Bearded Axelord Turtles
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Loud Whispers

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2012, 03:42:54 pm »

Make potatoes of your enemies, for the mace has decreed violence.

AWdeV

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2012, 03:44:21 pm »

Make potatoes and then mash 'em, you mean? :P
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Loud Whispers

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2012, 03:47:03 pm »

The latter was not a necessary part of the mace's decree, for everyone knows you must boil them, mash them and stick them in a stew.

AWdeV

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2012, 03:55:28 pm »

But if you boil (magma) 'em properly, you can't make them into +goblin tallow stew+ anymore!  :-\ A most devious conundrum.
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Teenage Bearded Axelord Turtles
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Loud Whispers

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2012, 04:04:36 pm »

But if you boil (magma) 'em properly, you can't make them into +goblin tallow stew+ anymore!  :-\ A most devious conundrum.
E... E.... E...... EEEEEEE...... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......

AWdeV

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2012, 04:06:39 pm »

Shit! He's flatlining!

Quick, get the Doctor in!


Doctor: Nah, I'm on break.
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GenJeFT

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2012, 05:37:46 pm »

Shit! He's flatlining!

Quick, get the Doctor in!


Doctor: Nah, I'm on break.

How do I make a sig? I gota sig that!
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King DZA

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2012, 06:10:29 pm »

First, you must travel up to the highest point of the Sigtower, it is there that you will meet the Sigmaster in his sacred shrine. He will demand that you brave three trials, each of which will test the overall quality of your very being. If you survive, you will then have to take his daughter's hand in marriage. The two of you will be required to bear a single child, and on that child's seventh birthday, you will offer him to the Sigmaster, so that he may be trained as the Sigmaster's successor, in order to ensure that this special ritual continues on for decades to come. Once you have done this, you will have earned the right to make a sig.

Or if you wanna be a cheater about it, you could just go onto Forum Profile under the MODIFY PROFILE tab, and paste it into the signature box.

Loud Whispers

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2012, 06:18:52 pm »

First, you must travel up to the highest point of the Sigtower, it is there that you will meet the Sigmaster in his sacred shrine. He will demand that you brave three trials, each of which will test the overall quality of your very being. If you survive, you will then have to take his daughter's hand in marriage. The two of you will be required to bear a single child, and on that child's seventh birthday, you will offer him to the Sigmaster, so that he may be trained as the Sigmaster's successor, in order to ensure that this special ritual continues on for decades to come. Once you have done this, you will have earned the right to make a sig.

Or if you wanna be a cheater about it, you could just go onto Forum Profile under the MODIFY PROFILE tab, and paste it into the signature box.

Sigged

KodKod

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2012, 06:30:57 pm »

First, you must travel up to the highest point of the Sigtower, it is there that you will meet the Sigmaster in his sacred shrine. He will demand that you brave three trials, each of which will test the overall quality of your very being. If you survive, you will then have to take his daughter's hand in marriage. The two of you will be required to bear a single child, and on that child's seventh birthday, you will offer him to the Sigmaster, so that he may be trained as the Sigmaster's successor, in order to ensure that this special ritual continues on for decades to come. Once you have done this, you will have earned the right to make a sig.

Or if you wanna be a cheater about it, you could just go onto Forum Profile under the MODIFY PROFILE tab, and paste it into the signature box.

I find these tests to be gender discriminatory. The sigmaster's daughter and I have been having real trouble with the "bear a child" part, and not for lack of trying.
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King DZA

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Re: A very special artifact
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2012, 07:26:16 pm »

Of course you are, everyone knows that if you're a female, then you will have to pay a visit to the Sigmistress. Though that's a different set of bullshit entirely.
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