Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

Yes

No

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> WE need to pour all stimulants into the local well
> WE MUST NOSTALIGIZE! ABOUT THE WAGON AND OLD FELLAS!

Taking elven potions in huge amounts you bring it all to the well and pour them into the water. The empty bottles you bring back to the wagon to erase all evidences. Kisat is looking at you detached and silent thinking about her own business.
You look at the stars and start NOSTALIGIZE! About past times... about that jerk Shorast who turned you into the beast-slave to parazitize on you. About Meng the doctor/butcher/werebeast who was in cahoots with bald one and turned his unsuspected companions into a will-less servants. About Bomel that disguised egoistic Saramdal who approved all that plan. About Nil Seribas that mean dick that was always disgruntled. About Ostoks the goblin traitor who could for saving his own life even sell his own mother... OK, his situation wasn't that easy. So it appears that the most innocent was Anil that dumb outgrowth or may be even a hybrid from human parent.  But his implication in that whole story is still unknown.
You aren't nostaligizing about Tok 'cause you've seen him not much time ago. You wanted to take him with you but your wife insisted him to stay. She said you two need to be alone in the journey as spouses. Implying it'd bring more meaning in your family. So Bucketotil stayed again in Akrulaban serving under Sinsot's command.

[CaptainLambcake]

Anything more Criperum?

[Criperum]

Actually a lot. I just have a lot of work IRL to do.

[Criperum]

Here are some posts:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> visit hookers!
> doubling hookers
> the brothel is definitely the best place to recruit new priests
> fucking go to the brothel
> take Kisat with you

I guess it's time to visit the establishment for people of quality.
- My queen, should we go under the Red-light?
- What else can we do? - Kisat sniffed - The night at the doorway, lock your daughter away.
Being escorted by four guards you come into bordello.
- Heeellooo! - the madam floated to you - Can I suggest that the couple was looking for an inn for the night? Then you are in the wrong place - the inn is behind the corner.

Some offtopic art from CoOP:

Spoiler: NSFW (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

- NO! - you interrupt her decisively - Don't try to fool me! Where are dwarfess-slaves? We are the vice squad! Give me all special proposals now! Am I a King or what? Where are all bigwigs? I'm here to do diplomacy... and give me a sheep!
Kisat starts to grunt behind you. Madam is looking at you perplexedly but then Vellokum ordered her to serve the client and she starts to list services:
- I greet the King in our humble abode of pleasures. Our girls can offer you either common joys - from behind or from the front side or the newest art of "dance of lips and toung". Also we have boys if you prefer. Various devices. We have animals too. Not a sheep but goat - "Sunspot". She is very skillful worker by the way. She is ordered pretty often. And of course we have service of watching at other couple for those who values. But it's for double price 'cause two are working. So? What whould you like?
The queen pushed you in the shoulder:
- Likot, may be we should go to the inn?

[onciblu]

its so nice that this is still going. Despite the lack of others users comments this is easily one of my favorites stories on this board

[Nya]

Anything more Criperum?

Up to 29 posts now.
A lot of NSFW: homosex Oglaf-style, gore, murders, bondage, slave trade, forbidden spells

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

not implemented yet, lol

, shapeshifting, gambling.

Typical DF, you know.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

- I want the goat! I want it for myself. Once and for all. How much does Sunspot cost? I'll buy her.
- Sunspot is not for sale - the madam answered calmly.
- How is that? Everything is for sale! How much for the goat?
Kisat whispered from the shoulder:
- Likot, you don't have money,calm down.
- How mush is for the beast? - you insists.
- The goat is a valuable worker. Her weekly income is 5 coins. 20 in a month. That makes 240 in a year. She'll live for about 12 years more... - she made a pause to calculate - Three thouthand for the goat.
- Then how much does it cost to bang you?
- Nope.
You start to threaten:
- Either you or the goat. Choose!
- The King or not but you cannot make your rules here. Guards!
Big guys offhandedly lift you up, drag to the street and thow your face into a puddle. Kisat came after you without hasitation:
- There is something in these steppe views, don't you think? Such a beautiful night and the Moon you'll never find in our dungeons. May be it is the reason? Ivety told me about your suppressed lycanthropy. So i think may be the Moon makes you such an idiot.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You decide to throw some tantrum and start to wag your fists hoping to punch someone's face.
However the very first face starts to block your attacks and then punches you in the belly.
- Come over here - Kisat grabs your neck and starts yo slap your face.
Since your tantrum is fake theese slaps sober you very quickly.
- Listen to me. Stop acting like an idiot right now! I've taken you with me not as a fucking jester but as a King. You are my partner, we are bond together. That's why everything you say or do is reflected on me as well. Wanna play fool - fine. But in this case I'm gonna find someone else on your place on the Akrulaban throne. I need sane king. So act accordingly. Do you understand?
- I do - you answer.
Vellokum release the grip and punche you in the back:
- Now go to the tavern! You pissed me off really hard.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You enter the squeaky doors. But inside you find something unexpected.
Some fucking children dancing on the bar counter, drinking beer and threatening the host with knifes.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You barely open your mouth to handle the thugs when something heavy hits your head.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You wake up in a strange place. Either cellar or a cave. Some strange burrow but with a fireplace. You can sense that you are underground with your dwarven being. Kisat is near still unconscious. The kids are swarming around.
- Oh, you are awake, bearded prick... - the girl started - Tell me where are you from. We are desperate to hear your scary stories. But if you really understand that we don't give a fuck then you shouldn't bother.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

- I'm the Great King...
- HE DIDN'T! - the children start laughing so loud they wake up Kisat - Come on, King, start babbling how you are gonna make us rich if we let you go. And who are you, bitch? A queen too? And that prick is a criminal who kidnapped you, right?
Poity-nosed boy says:
- They are all lying. We couldn't kill seven kings in a month.
- Wait, let's listen what the chick has to say.
Kisat looks the room around:
- Who is your boss, punks?
- The sky is our boss, bitch - the kid with a knife snorted.
- Shut the fuck up, snot. It's not your talk.
- What?!
- I'm asking your leader - Vellokum gazes at the girl - Who is your boss?
She hesitates a little, gazes at her accomplices than says:
- Hey, Pilat... stab that chick.
The kid stabes Kisat with the full force into the belly without any hesitation. She screams, twitches... and sags. The blood stain starts to saturate her coat. You decide to do something suitable for Likot. You start to chew your beard helping with the knee. The kids look at each other but you have already swallowed all of your big thing. It's time for surprize. You extert yourself hard - like a real man! And shit your pants.
- Ewww! - they pinch noses - Abandon the ship! Run, run! To the fresh air!
They all get upstars pushing each other and run somewhere.

[Caesar Josephus]

NOOOOOOOO! KISSAAT!!!! MURDERIZE THE CHILDREN! THEY WILL PAY!
Tantrum time.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You remember about your suppressed lycanthropy and decide to use your willpower to morph into the beast to break the restraints. Using all your inner reserves and straining as much as you can you farted once more. And again. And again! You even felt some lost adamantium crumb have fallen from you.

[Criperum]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Finally the fullmoon blesses you and you morphs. But not completely, just part of you. Your hands become feral. And ears. The rest remains the same with the exception of you beard that you bit off during straining. You stand up and hit your head at low ceiling. Looks like your hands are now longer than your body and legs are hanging above ground. Wasting no time you release Kisat and decide to reanimate her by biting her arm to make her werebeast too. But the queen slaps your face:
- Don't you dare! Fuck, don't even think about it!
Vellokum didn't die after all. She stands up groaning and looks at the wound:
- Those small bastards... I'll kill fuckers!
There is nothing special in the room. It is a painted weaopn above the fireplace and the wall behind the picture.