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[AfellowDwarf]

Oh, right. I guess I read the map wrong.

Won't the elves reluct to enter a cave, though?

[CountAlex]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

When greeting, touch butt of elf, as we recently did with Kisat. And if it won't escalate quickly, tell her her butt is better.
Ask him if his ears are too tight and then ask what fashion designer sews capes with slits for the ears, isn't he from forest at south, 'cause from ash of trees from that forest is best to make soap. Ask if it's true that all elves are "elves", how popular dendrosexualism between them, tell that wooden swords are shitty, can't compare with steel, especially if coal was made of really nice, juicy tree.
TROLL DA ELFZ TILL THEIR BUTTZ BURN




Kisat only opened her mouth when you pushed her back and came yourself to the elf:
- Greetings to you, noble guardians of Woods! - you said and touched his butt.
- I'll ... - Immediately he protested.
And you turned to a counselor:
- Your is better.
- Well, I guess... - she was in confusion - What are you doing?
- I would like to ask respected elf who invented sewing such amusing capes, with slits for the ears.
He looked now at Kisat, then at you:
- This is the traditional clothing of our grove, we sew such many centuries. Why did you touch me?
- But it's Elvish greeting.
- What makes you think so?
- A friend elf taught me.
- He must be from the grove of Muya Forivara. So what about the caravan?
Kisat was just about to say, but you interrupted again:
- And the ears are not too tight?
- What?
- In the holes. Isn't tight for ears?
- They are wide enough.
- And when the rain comes, the ears get all wet, and the water comes inside.
- It happens. - he began to get angry - Caravan. You saw it?
- Saw, yeah.
- Where is it?
- I am now wondering - wooden wagons, wooden arms, logs to trade, and they don't let others cut woods.
- At least they do something right. Where are they?
Kisat with a bored look stepped aside and began to clean dirt with a knife from under the nails.
- But why? I've always been posessed by this problem. Why other can't cut trees?
Elf was slowly getting angry:
- Because we do not chop live trees. We sell and process only dry ones.
- But you have to admit that wooden weapons are shit.
- Maybe, but we honor the tradition. Unlike those we seek. Where are they?
- And why do you search them, may I ask?
- They broke a few laws of our nation and are subject to trial.
- So you're not going to kill them?
- Unfortunately no.
- Oh, such a shame. I'd reap their heads off myself - so capricious! Offered them a wooden stool, I'm a carpenter, so they curled their faces, they say they do not want corpses. And what do I do, swim all day long in blood and gibs? IHow it happens, cut down oak, make logs and boards, all covered with chip from head to foot, smell the aroma ...
Elves have left you and went down the road.
- Where are you going?
Kisat indifferently looked at mountains. You approached.
- Oh, you've already done? - She hide the knife - Finally.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Fuckin' smash his head with full force!
Ask Kisat what Arol-Iton thinks about orthodox elves and what side she'd rather take in case of elven conflict.
Move along like nothing happened and ask Kisat about her scar on eyebrow meanwhile.



Silently you ran down to elves and smashed the back of the head of the last one with your Angryspoon! He collapsed, others turned to you and next elf got good hit at forehead. You didn't crush their skulls into little pieces but they were pretty dented. Two swordelfs charged at you. You dodged thrust of sharp “stick” and broke this wooden sword with hack of your spoon. It was incredible luck! After you realise it you started to feel your urge was getting weaker and you were facing two opponents, despite their poor weapons.
- Gold or your life! Сornstalks! - Shouted Kisat while approaching with short sword in her hand.
You hoped she would help but didn’t think about robbery. Elves considered they have poor chances against almost hammer and steel sword with their one and half wood things.
- Flee! – They quickly escaped along the road kicking up clouds of dust.
You could not catch up with them.
- What the heck, Ubendeb?!
You turned to her.
- Do you know who they were?
- Just elves. All of them are nuts.
- They were that ortodox conehead elves. Do you remember I told you?
- Well, something like this. She noded and started to loot their bodies.
- They have conflict with elves that trade now in Arol-Iton.
- So what?
- My friend is there. They wanted to arrest her and adjudicate.
- You defend one elves from another. Are you an elf?
- You yourself are. I feel compassion to her a little.
- Mimimi, you feel pity about little poor elfy.
- It’s not only about her. If coneheads conquer their grove they would have become orthodoxes like them. It’s hard to trade with orthodoxes and quite easy with those elves. They are loyal to dwarves.
- We are going to get troubles with the rest of elves helping these loyalists. They have to deal with their backsliders by themselves. Arol-Iton has no deal with this. And thanks to your Armrok you haven’t told we are from there.
- To A-r-mok …
Vellokum found two bags of coins. Not much but better than nothing. She throwed one to you.
-Grab his legs and help me get these bodies to nearby bushes.
Together you moved elves out of the road and continued your way.
- By the way. How did you get this scar?
 -My father dropped me upside down.
- I’m serious.
- Nothing much about it. Got it in a brawl. One jerk brought knife to a stand-up fight.
- Did you take part in?
- All mob took. Couple of our guys were cut, one to death.

[CognitiveDissonance]

This is gold. The dwarf may be a psychopath, or as my D&D book calls it "Chaotic Neutral" but damn, this is FUN to read!

[CountAlex]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Now calmly stamp to the pit
Move on
Well, okay, then let's go



In the evening you arrived to the place. Guardian speardwarf with war dog on a chain checked the documents of Councilor and let you go in the camp. At the bottom were set up warehouses, dwarves rushed, bringing from ruins all kinds of findings from the wrecked boards to clothing and corpses of women. There were only three bodies so far. Given that they all lived in the same house, the rest will be find soon.
Bottom of the pit was flooded with water from the nearby lake, but since there was no underground source - the water had dried by the middle of summer, and all that remained turned into a swamp. Dig into a damp rock did not make sense, so there were only excavations of the destroyed village. However, a group of dwarves was working to create pumps and pipelines to drain slush.
In addition to stockpiles in the camp were set up a dining area with a kitchen, a hospital and a dormitory.

[CaptainLambcake]

loot

[AfellowDwarf]

I second loot. Let's inconspicuously pick up random junk.

[CaptainLambcake]

we may find.... a pet!

[CountAlex]

Well, Likot at his best... or worst.
_______________

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Eat some, drink a mug
Attend a foam party
I support the idea of ​​foam party!



Tired of the road you took to devour while Kisat cram new hierarchical ladder to a local Noble in a funny hat. So now all the reports went directly to her, and he had to continue to direct the work, distribute kicks, supplying materials, monitor the supply of food and other stuff, but it's all by the orders of mistress Vellokum.
For counselor with her bodyguard promised to set up dedicated tent, and on this night a couple of beds were prepared in a dormitory.
Sleepiness vanished by about midnight - cave adaptation began coming out of the two of you with a delayed start. You feде sick and threw it in the heat and cold. A few hours you rinsed intestine, leaning over a swamp, expended almost a barrel of water each. In the morning, just in case, you came see a doctor in the hospital, he concluded that habituation occurs normally, gave more pods for nausea and sent to bed. Before leaving you noticed that the doctor has a decent supply of soap.
By noon, you already have bounced back and came out of the tent and saw the dwarves were bringing together the piping and pump. You had to wait until they're finished.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Also gotta drop the soap in the pump or pipe as if by accident
Inspect the tower, should ring the bell if he still hangs
I secong ringing the bell



After waiting a moment when no one sees, you pushed a box of soap from the hospital tent and sent it to a journey to slush. Pump was producing a small stream, and when the pipe will suck the box - it was only a matter of time. And while you decided to explore the ruins. When you reached the bell tower, you noted with surprise that the bell is still hanging in there. Just for fun you decide to strike on it with a spoon.
All dwarves turned to the sound, and you shrugged, saying, "so what?". However, sound has not yet subsided - the pump shaked, leaked with foam and bubbles, and everyone beheld ...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Soapy slush monster has arrived!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Throw a stone at it. If it collapses from a stroke, we will become a hero.
Look back and see whether the dead women rise living again.



After running a little around the camp, you have found a pebble and threw it into a monster. But the stone flew not too far away and fell to the pavement. You suck at throwing.
Suddenly two dead women grabbed you from behind! You scared so much you almost shit your pants. A monster in the meantime gained control over the pipeline.

[CaptainLambcake]

strike women with angryspoon! get kisat and wait nearby for monster to be dealt with.

[AfellowDwarf]

Aim for the arm that's holding the beard.

[CountAlex]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Gently but firmly grab this chick`s asses
See what they will do and how fast. If they`re slow, then we can play pimp

strike women with angryspoon!

Take down zombie-chan with Angryspoon
Break a leg to another one.



Thinking that women's attention is never too much, you gently but firmly grab the bony asses. Zombie-ladies did not mind, and even more - have themselves put their teeth on your shoulders. Your love triangle developed quite rapidly and... painfully.
Waking up, you blasted in the face with a spoon to one babe, breaking all the fucking teeth! Another one you knocked down and broke her leg.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Kisat came closer:
- Not bad. Another zombie is teared apart by a wardog.
- In one of the houses there are still zombies. Six or seven of them.
Right after that flith-monster began pour dirt over the camp like a hose, bringing back all that was pumped out.

[AfellowDwarf]

Get out of this hole. If escaping, push kisat down into the water.

[CognitiveDissonance]

Be a hero! Mount the pipe, run up, and smash the purple glowing stuff. If that works, or if it doesn't, hide really well.

[CaptainLambcake]

take kisat, run and come back later

[Urist_McGamer]

This is great. Everywhere we go, disaster of some sort follows close behind. Posting to watch.