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Author Topic: Things that don't happen.  (Read 92976 times)

Loud Whispers

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #120 on: August 03, 2012, 02:02:07 am »

Urist McMilitia: Overseer wants me to kill these poor helpless merchants? No way!
Urist McBroker: I wouldn't say they're poor merchants you know...

krenshala

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #121 on: August 03, 2012, 08:44:21 am »

Urist McMilitia: Overseer wants me to kill these poor helpless merchants? No way!
Urist McBroker: I wouldn't say they're poor merchants you know...
They are hapless, however.  Of course, they bring hired guards, so I guess they can afford to be.
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Quote from: Haspen
Quote from: phoenixuk
Zepave Dawnhogs the Butterfly of Vales the Marsh Titan ... was taken out by a single novice axedwarf and his pet war kitten. Long Live Domas Etasastesh Adilloram, slayer of the snow butterfly!
Doesn't quite have the ring of heroics to it...
Mother: "...and after the evil snow butterfly was defeated, Domas and his kitten lived happily ever after!"
Kids: "Yaaaay!"

MadocComadrin

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #122 on: August 03, 2012, 08:52:41 am »

Udib Asfoker, Potash Maker has given birth to puppies!
What I read. :?
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Sprin

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #123 on: August 03, 2012, 09:32:14 am »

FUCK YOU DEAMON!
I would die before my kid is turned into a pick! *jumps in magma*
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Quote from: Karnewarrior
HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS LOOKING UP RULE 34 OF D*CKS?
Sprin is certifiably insane, but there is no denying his brilliance.

pisskop

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #124 on: August 03, 2012, 10:00:00 am »

Urist McFortressSponser:  do you think we should send more than seven this reclaim?
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

Loud Whispers

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #125 on: August 03, 2012, 12:12:41 pm »

Urist Mcnoble cancels pull lever: understands everyone will die if he pulls it.
...
[pull lever] A

Jerm

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #126 on: August 03, 2012, 04:04:31 pm »

Urist McManager: "So you say you want to have more than 30 of this item created?  No Problem!"
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Fortress Calling

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #127 on: August 03, 2012, 04:30:45 pm »

Didn't read the whole thread so sorry if i repeated someone.
Urist Mcmarksdwarf cancels shooting: goblin approaching melee range.
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Slayerhero90

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #128 on: August 03, 2012, 05:47:36 pm »

Dastot Libashbomrek, Miner: "Shit! I'm on FIRE?! QUICK GET WATER WHILE I ROLL AROUND IN THE MINES! OH GOD IT BURNS AND I AM SO FREAKING THIRSTY!!!!
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My tumblr.
Yeah no I don't haunt here anymore. Peace

SixOfSpades

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #129 on: August 06, 2012, 11:51:36 pm »

Here lies Oddom Kivashdeler, Glassmaker: Died of old age in the midsummer of 278.

Litast Cattenzon, Clothier: "Man, it's dark down here. I'm going to go thread this needle outside in the daylight."

Datan Esarurdim, Macedwarf: "Will you look at all these dead goblins. (cough) I hate the smell of their disgusting, rotting flesh. (cough)"
Melbil Datansibrek, Speardwarf: "Me too. (cough, cough) Let's go take our break somewhere else."

Gavan Nitashfol, Mason: "Oh my gods. By the date on this barrel, this +flounder roast+ was made over EIGHT YEARS AGO. How could the bookkeeper just let this sit at the back of a storeroom all this time? It's gotta smell like a troll's loincloth by now, I'm just going to drop it into the magma straightaway."

Fath Zonetes, Miner: "Hmmm . . . that's strange. I felt time stop for a second, just now, and when it started up again, I didn't own any more cats than I did before."

Rovod Kivashlam, Mechanic: "Well, mayor, we moved all the goblin corpses to underneath the new drawbridge and then lowered the bridge, just like you said . . . . with the result that the pile of bodies is now somewhat flatter. We have faith that this is merely the first step in your grand plan to dispose of the growing problem."

Dodok Erimvucar, Woodcutter: "Aye, tha' great bloody beast nearly bit off me arm, lad. Good thing I had me wee little axe, here, an' laid 'is giblets open for 'im. Och, tha' were a sight."
Vucar Kolesar, Glassmaker: "What, are you Scottish or something?"
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Dwarf Fortress -- kind of like Minecraft, but for people who hate themselves.

WealthyRadish

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #130 on: August 07, 2012, 12:42:51 am »

Ulish Nicobar, nanny goat: "Whoa, this place sure is crowded, what with me giving birth and all! Better move over to that part of the pasture, to avoid accidentally kicking that incoming milker in the head!"
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Megaman3321

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #131 on: August 07, 2012, 12:52:40 am »

Urist McStupid cancels tantrum: Not having brand spanking new clothes isn't that important.
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Glacial on dwarves being assigned socks:
Quote
You see, here's how I think this works:
Overseer: Welcome to the military! You need to wear socks! Dorf: Oh, I should get military socks. My socks are civilian socks. Dorf discards socks Dorf: You know, I need a whole lot of gear now. I should get socks... last. Oh, but these steel boots with the white goo on them are nice!
I know you can pick up water, then throw said water, while underwater, to kill a fish -He_Silent_H

Sus

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #132 on: August 07, 2012, 02:23:47 am »

Urist McTrader: "Oh look, there's a caravan in the depot. Better go in there and trade; I can take my war bear for a walk (like a boss!) later."

Urist McHomicidalManiac: "My God, what have I done?! Better put down this ax and turn myself in to the authorities..."

Edem Merchantpaddles: "Welp, looks like this fort is buttoned up against a siege, let's just go home before we get killed."

Urist McMiner cancels Flood fort: Not that bloody stupid.

Esoth Humanpeasant: "Say, have you guys noticed that our king seems to have grown twenty feet tall and sprouted wings and horns overnight, I think that seems a bit suspicious..."

Båx the Wimp of Mist, Forgotten Beast cancels Invade fort: Not feeling suicidal today.

Urist McJailor: "Hands behind your back, Goblin scum! You're going to the arena in chains."

Urist Mc UpperClassTwit: "No such thing as a glass bed, you say? Oh well, I better think of a more reasonable demand then, pip pip cheerio!"

Litast McRecruit: "Oh my, that sure is a lot of goblins. I think I'll wait for reinforcements instead of trying to take on all of them by myself."

Kosoth McPhysicist: "Use a pump to power a water wheel running the very same pump you say? That's the stupidest idea ever; 'conservation of energy' ring a bell for you?"

Urist McMechanic cancels Link building to trigger: physically impossible.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2012, 02:25:20 am by Sus »
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Certainly you could argue that DF is a lot like The Sims, only... you know... with more vomit and decapitation.
If you launch a wooden mine cart towards the ocean at a sufficient speed, you can have your entire dwarf sail away in an ark.

Volfgarix

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #133 on: August 08, 2012, 01:46:45 pm »

 Urist McBrewer: Hey, guys, I don't have plants to brew more booze and we are on glacier, so have to wait for merchant's who will arrive here for 6 months.
 Urist McEveryone: Ok, we have water.

 [on glacier]
 Urist McMiner digged some ice rocks.
 Urist McCook melts ice into water for injured dwarfes.

 Urist McVampire: I wanna drink some blood...
 Urist McVampire sucks blood from goblin prisoner.

 Goblin ambush leader: Ok guys, We gonna kill some of these dwarven fishers and woodcutters, after it, run. We can't defeat that fortress, but we can weaken it.

 Leader of goblin civilization: I should make peace with these all other races, these wars gonna destroy us.

 Urist McUrist: I'm thirsty...
 Urist McUrist toke mug and fill it with booze.
 
« Last Edit: August 08, 2012, 01:48:27 pm by Volfgarix »
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Urist_McDrowner

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Re: Things that don't happen.
« Reply #134 on: August 08, 2012, 02:18:51 pm »

Urist McWrestler: "Hmm, maybe if I bite his ear with my front top teeth, bite his foot with my front bottom teeth, and bite his right hand with my back bottom teeth, I can easily win this fight!"
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