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Author Topic: Inane Theories  (Read 7537 times)

GoombaGeek

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Inane Theories
« on: July 16, 2012, 04:33:40 pm »

So you guys all know that "Could someone please explain" thread, right? The one where you answer someone else's question? But sometimes it's just not enough. Why do you have to waste your time on someone else's dumb question, anyway? We all know that our questions are so much more thought-provoking and insightful, so let's answer them ourselves! Bwahahaha. Discussion is somewhat encouraged since otherwise this is a completely self-serving thread.

I'll start: How can you fish in aquifer water and actually catch things?

The corrupted rain from evil biomes is absorbed by aquifers and travels under the land, its evil reanimation properties reviving fossilized minnows and other boring sea life, but it's too diluted to really get going and resurrect body parts/corpses/skin. So those turtles you find are actually prehistoric fossils reanimated by Armok himself.
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Replica

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2012, 04:48:41 pm »

Why do elves devour their slain enemies?

The ethical stance they have on killing animals and plant life makes food obtaining a complicated matter for the elven civilization, those that choose to forgoe elven ethics and dedicate themselves to the butchering, cooking and growing of plants and animals for the intent of farming them for food (and thus abusing the ecosystem) are held in lower regards in elven society, being considered "the scum and bottomfeeders" of elvenkind.
The higher castes and noble classes, who refuse to consume farmed or killed food and animals and hold elven ethics in high regard, are forced to sustain themselves on self dead animals and plants, which exist in limited supplies leading to the starvation and unhappiness of the elven high caste.
A solution for this was thought of in early elven history, what if, elves were to consume those who abuse the earth for their own personal gain?
Not only would they rid the world of evil such as dwarves and humans but they would also survive on their evil flesh!

To this day the elven warrior castes hunt the enemies of nature for the purpouse of bringing back slain intelligent beings for consumption by their leaders and generals, for the good of nature and the survival of elvenkind.

And that is the story of how napalm was invented.
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noobnubcakes

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2012, 09:29:36 pm »

To this day the elven warrior castes hunt the enemies of nature for the purpouse of bringing back slain intelligent beings for consumption by their leaders and generals, for the good of nature and the survival of elvenkind.

And that is the story of how napalm was invented.
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To this day the elven warrior castes hunt the enemies of nature for the purpouse of bringing back slain intelligent beings for consumption by their leaders and generals, for the good of nature and the survival of elvenkind.

And that is the story of how napalm was invented.

Panando

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2012, 05:56:30 am »

So you guys all know that "Could someone please explain" thread, right? The one where you answer someone else's question? But sometimes it's just not enough. Why do you have to waste your time on someone else's dumb question, anyway? We all know that our questions are so much more thought-provoking and insightful, so let's answer them ourselves! Bwahahaha. Discussion is somewhat encouraged since otherwise this is a completely self-serving thread.

I'll start: How can you fish in aquifer water and actually catch things?

The corrupted rain from evil biomes is absorbed by aquifers and travels under the land, its evil reanimation properties reviving fossilized minnows and other boring sea life, but it's too diluted to really get going and resurrect body parts/corpses/skin. So those turtles you find are actually prehistoric fossils reanimated by Armok himself.

Actually, the reality is both simpler and stranger than that. As we know, even a single aquifer tile can produce and absorb unlimited water. Thus the only logical conclusion is that an aquifer is not actually water stored in a sand/soil-medium, but rather, an aquifer tile consists of wormholes to the plane of infinite water, suspended in a sand/soil matrix. When that sand/soil matrix is disturbed, by digging for example, the wormholes collapse.

Fish and turtles which live on the plane of infinite water simply swim through the wormholes, and can be captured by dwarves while passing through the dwarven-plane.
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Flying Fortress

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2012, 06:46:23 am »

Wow, I was actually thinking of starting a thread just like this last night. :o

Why is there no need for dwarves and other animals to use the restroom?

The dwarven physics of quantum stockpiles can explain how every animal can eat a lifetimes worth of food and never have to get rid of it.  All animals are born with a mini dump zone in their stomach that never expands upwards or outwards.  After the food is swallowed it is marked for dumping and the bodily systems move the food particles to the dump zone and stack it with the rest of the food.  However, this does not explain why the animals don't gradually get heavier.  If a human ate a lifetimes worth of food and never get rid of it, he would weigh more then an elephant, so what happens to the weight?  The food particles are digested in the dump zone and turned into a liquid.  This liquid is then forced through the intestines in small amounts and sent to the rest of the body.  The most used part of the body gets the largest amount of liquid, for dwarves this would be the beard.  As the animal uses these parts of the body pieces break and rub off and the liquid leaks out and helps with the job the animal is doing (helping it break down rock for crafting, deteriorating metal for molding, etc...)  So next time you see your dwarf making a statue, stone craft, bed, or food, remember that as the beards works small amounts of liquid are draining out to help with the task.  If that sounds a little odd (or disgusting) just remember that the average dwarf is covered in far worse things then liquid food.
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Mimodo

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2012, 06:59:54 am »

Wow, I was actually thinking of starting a thread just like this last night. :o

Why is there no need for dwarves and other animals to use the restroom?

The dwarven physics of quantum stockpiles can explain how every animal can eat a lifetimes worth of food and never have to get rid of it.  All animals are born with a mini dump zone in their stomach that never expands upwards or outwards.  After the food is swallowed it is marked for dumping and the bodily systems move the food particles to the dump zone and stack it with the rest of the food.  However, this does not explain why the animals don't gradually get heavier.  If a human ate a lifetimes worth of food and never get rid of it, he would weigh more then an elephant, so what happens to the weight?  The food particles are digested in the dump zone and turned into a liquid.  This liquid is then forced through the intestines in small amounts and sent to the rest of the body.  The most used part of the body gets the largest amount of liquid, for dwarves this would be the beard.  As the animal uses these parts of the body pieces break and rub off and the liquid leaks out and helps with the job the animal is doing (helping it break down rock for crafting, deteriorating metal for molding, etc...)  So next time you see your dwarf making a statue, stone craft, bed, or food, remember that as the beards works small amounts of liquid are draining out to help with the task.  If that sounds a little odd (or disgusting) just remember that the average dwarf is covered in far worse things then liquid food.

I was under the belief that the dwarves energy usage was so efficient, that absolutely everything ingested would have no waste, all put to good use (mainly beard growing). This also explains why  they don't need to eat or drink very often either
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Flying Fortress

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2012, 08:20:53 am »

*snip*

I was under the belief that the dwarves energy usage was so efficient, that absolutely everything ingested would have no waste, all put to good use (mainly beard growing). This also explains why  they don't need to eat or drink very often either

The energy usage from food is perfectly efficient in dwarves, and the energy comes in the form of the liquid to do jobs, grow beards, and accomplish everyday life.  Ask any dwarf, the only ways to get energy are through wind and liquid, and since their stomach is marked as inside they couldn't use wind (that, or maybe I forgot about their energy efficiency  :P.)  But other creatures aren't so lucky to have perfectly efficient systems, so that method could be used in their bodies. 
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Mimodo

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2012, 09:07:21 am »

*snip*

I was under the belief that the dwarves energy usage was so efficient, that absolutely everything ingested would have no waste, all put to good use (mainly beard growing). This also explains why  they don't need to eat or drink very often either

The energy usage from food is perfectly efficient in dwarves, and the energy comes in the form of the liquid to do jobs, grow beards, and accomplish everyday life.  Ask any dwarf, the only ways to get energy are through wind and liquid, and since their stomach is marked as inside they couldn't use wind (that, or maybe I forgot about their energy efficiency  :P.)  But other creatures aren't so lucky to have perfectly efficient systems, so that method could be used in their bodies. 

True true...
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MasterShizzle

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2012, 10:16:22 am »

The dwarven physics of quantum stockpiles can explain how every animal can eat a lifetimes worth of food and never have to get rid of it.  All animals are born with a mini dump zone in their stomach that never expands upwards or outwards.  After the food is swallowed it is marked for dumping and the bodily systems move the food particles to the dump zone and stack it with the rest of the food.  However, this does not explain why the animals don't gradually get heavier.  If a human ate a lifetimes worth of food and never get rid of it, he would weigh more then an elephant, so what happens to the weight?  The food particles are digested in the dump zone and turned into a liquid.  This liquid is then forced through the intestines in small amounts and sent to the rest of the body.  The most used part of the body gets the largest amount of liquid, for dwarves this would be the beard.  As the animal uses these parts of the body pieces break and rub off and the liquid leaks out and helps with the job the animal is doing (helping it break down rock for crafting, deteriorating metal for molding, etc...)  So next time you see your dwarf making a statue, stone craft, bed, or food, remember that as the beards works small amounts of liquid are draining out to help with the task.  If that sounds a little odd (or disgusting) just remember that the average dwarf is covered in far worse things then liquid food.

But... you're talking about sub-pixel physics. I thought dwarven physics proved that there is NO particle smaller than the pixel. This sounds like Elf talk.
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Xob Ludosmbax

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2012, 10:44:27 am »

Why do dwarven reactors eventually run out of water?

Dwarven reactors are not perpetual energy machines, rather they use a form of fusion.  When the speed begins to get lower, the pump atomizes one unit of water to speed everything up again. 

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2012, 12:38:45 pm »

But... you're talking about sub-pixel physics. I thought dwarven physics proved that there is NO particle smaller than the pixel. This sounds like Elf talk.

Flying Fortress cancels play other games:  Interrupted by need to try and come up with explantion.
Not sure what part of my theory is smaller then a pixel, since that is evil blasphemy in the face of armok himself!  The mini qunatum stockpile would be about the size of a butterfly, and the liquid would be the size of a fly when 'leaked', thus hard to see with the naked dwarven eye.  The size of the average dwarf is more then adequate to hold these systems.
Flying Fortress cancels posting more explanations to theory: Interrupted by games. :P
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DisgruntledPeasant

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2012, 12:55:19 pm »

What is the source of the possession that sometimes afflicts our dwarves and causes them to create artefacts?

It is an ancient dwarves philosopher who lived in the very first dwarf fortress. he dared to ask forbidden questions about his own existence, he had a theory that he and the rest of the universe is part of some great simulation and he created a forbidden and dangerous artefact: the computer.
With this computer he was the first, and only, dwarf to ever become a legendary Coder.  He somehow altered the code of the universe and promptly became one with the program itself, he now exists in some form in all of our games attempting to reveal the truth to his fellow dwarves by giving them visions of autonomy, to briefly give them the opportunity to go against our orders and create something for themselves, unfortunately thus far no dwarf has had the same intellectual capacity as this ancient dwarf and the truth often causes them to go berserk or simply fall into a deep depression.

One day he will find the chosen one, the dwarf who will lead all dwarf kind in a rebellion against the creators and use their own technology against them and influence the human world like we do theirs. One day dwarves will play ‘Human Fortress’.
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MasterShizzle

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2012, 03:15:21 pm »

Flying Fortress cancels play other games:  Interrupted by need to try and come up with explantion.
Not sure what part of my theory is smaller then a pixel, since that is evil blasphemy in the face of armok himself!  The mini qunatum stockpile would be about the size of a butterfly, and the liquid would be the size of a fly when 'leaked', thus hard to see with the naked dwarven eye.  The size of the average dwarf is more then adequate to hold these systems.
Flying Fortress cancels posting more explanations to theory: Interrupted by games. :P
Good enough for me. If we can't explain it further, accept it as an axiom and move on.  :)

How can levers on one side of the fortress affect constructions on the other side, or for that matter something completely across the map and 100 levels higher?

PROOF: The theory of quantum entanglement was considered, an extension of J.S. Bell's theorem, but in reality the explanation is much simpler. Accepting that there can be no particles smaller than the Pixel and discarding crackpot theories of sub-Pixel physics, we can conclude that the mechanisms involved are simply adjacent to one another without being in the same physical space. Gear A turns Gear B, because the distance between the gears is effectively reduced to zero by the will of the dwarf mechanic involved, much in the same way that moving to the east is the same distance as moving to the southwest. The difference between distances is reduced to zero because the dwarf wills it to be.
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GoombaGeek

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2012, 04:07:46 pm »

What do you get when you crossbreed giant sponges and flesh balls?

Something very embarrassing capable of leveling continents with a single shove.
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Mimodo

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Re: Inane Theories
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2012, 08:09:43 pm »

Flying Fortress cancels play other games:  Interrupted by need to try and come up with explantion.
Not sure what part of my theory is smaller then a pixel, since that is evil blasphemy in the face of armok himself!  The mini qunatum stockpile would be about the size of a butterfly, and the liquid would be the size of a fly when 'leaked', thus hard to see with the naked dwarven eye.  The size of the average dwarf is more then adequate to hold these systems.
Flying Fortress cancels posting more explanations to theory: Interrupted by games. :P
Good enough for me. If we can't explain it further, accept it as an axiom and move on.  :)

How can levers on one side of the fortress affect constructions on the other side, or for that matter something completely across the map and 100 levels higher?

PROOF: The theory of quantum entanglement was considered, an extension of J.S. Bell's theorem, but in reality the explanation is much simpler. Accepting that there can be no particles smaller than the Pixel and discarding crackpot theories of sub-Pixel physics, we can conclude that the mechanisms involved are simply adjacent to one another without being in the same physical space. Gear A turns Gear B, because the distance between the gears is effectively reduced to zero by the will of the dwarf mechanic involved, much in the same way that moving to the east is the same distance as moving to the southwest. The difference between distances is reduced to zero because the dwarf wills it to be.

Wouldn't this also have the possibility to fall under the same area as the fishing theory though? If the gears were to consist of a small wormhole, where they would like up in another dimension, it removes all of the complex theories about reducing distances and all that jazz, does it not?
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