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Author Topic: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up  (Read 6242 times)

Karnewarrior

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All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« on: August 02, 2012, 06:46:34 pm »

  Until recently, my fortress had been a happy, bright town of happiness and rainbows. There was usually plenty of booze, construction continued day and night for the well being of the fortress, and not a single dwarf was below Very Happy in mood. Everything was going according to plan.

  Then the goblins showed up in an ambush. I wasn't quite prepared, and the goblins managed to kill one or two dwarves before a timely dwarven caravan saved me from inside the depot. The Goblins were vanquished.

  Unfortunately, their reign of terror took a toll on one member of my fort, a young dwarfette who happened to be pregnant. After seeing her friend, one of the poor military dwarves who died, die, she was unhappy enough to have a miscarrage. It was very sad.

  What was even sadder, and significantly more horrific, is what happened next. Miss Dwarfette, hereforth referred to as Casey McAnthony, was nursing another baby, a five-month old dwarfette named Litast, and only child after the miscarrage. And she was taken by a fell mood.

  CASEY MCANTHONY LOOSES A LAUGH, FELL AND TERRIBLE!

  Commence me being... just confused. I didn't realize at this point she was carrying a baby. I didn't realize she would go for the nearest member of the fort. In fact, I was afraid she would go after someone useful, like my miner casually passing by on his way to the dining hall.

  All of the sudden, she was working on the artifact. I looked in the workshop and saw Litast's name. I didn't know who that was (I don't keep tabs on individuals) so I decided to check who it was. Maybe I got lucky and she murderificated a vampire before it could do harm. Those kind of events were commonplace in fortresses of mine (I'm incredibly lucky).

  NOPE. IT WAS HER FUCKING FIVE MONTH OLD DAUGHTER.

  SHE KILLED HER DAUGHTER AND TURNED HER INTO A PICK. A GODDAMN PICK. WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET ENOUGH BABY FOR A PICKAXE? THERE ISN'T ENOUGH BABY.

  Dear Urist, Please don't build your physics defying artifacts out of your children. It's wrong.

  And as if that wasn't terrible enough, she named the Artifact "The Suffering of Genius".

  What the fuck lady!?

  No seriously, The woman not only murdered her own daughter, but named the artifact in such a way that it could only be interpreted in two ways: She's heartless and only sees her babies death as her own suffering for her "genius", or belives her baby was so damn smart that she couldn't "suffer" anymore and had to be made into the one tool most likely to get dropped into magma.

  Does this kind of shit happen with every fell mood?!

Wrex

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2012, 06:50:52 pm »

Yes, yes it does.
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Mr Wrex, please do not eat my liver.

DisgruntledPeasant

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2012, 06:53:04 pm »

Holy carp, that is the single most sick and twisted DF story i've heard, ever.
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Gukag

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2012, 06:53:40 pm »

She sacrificed her own flesh and blood for the sake of art. Name is appropriate.
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Patchy

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2012, 06:54:14 pm »

*Points to the dwarven childcare thread* That baby might actually be a lucky one. Now go uncap hfs with your dwarf baby pick and loose your own fell and terrible laugh.
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Karnewarrior

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2012, 07:15:08 pm »

*Points to the dwarven childcare thread* That baby might actually be a lucky one. Now go uncap hfs with your dwarf baby pick and loose your own fell and terrible laugh.
I'm trying to play this more RTS style and not go for the Demonspires until I could likely handle the demons with steel weapons and beard power.

Also, I'm doing my best to keep all my dwarves alive, even Nobles, assuming they aren't TOO crazy. My fort is way to new to be dealing with addy right now.

azach

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2012, 07:34:06 pm »

Ah hahaha. Good times. I just recently suffered at the hands of goblins as well. This is the story of another murderous dwarf, though cast in a different light than your psycopath.

I was in the middle of military reformations. At the same time I had temporarily dismantled my front gate for the purposes of expanding my entry-tunnel and this is when a large siege showed up. I scrambled my only squad to the entry-tunnel, many of them still busy equipping arms and armor.

The first wave (there were at least 3, perhaps 4, and some seemed to be mounted on giant rats) rolled right over my unprepared military. The devastation once they were inside the fortress was virtually immediate and all-encompassing. I went from 160+ dwarves to fewer than 50. As I was surveying the remains of my smoldering and decimated fortress I noticed my militia commander poking around the armory. Apparently he had trouble locating the legendary iron shield I told him to equip.

So once he finds it he rushes to the nearest troll, and then immediately panics and runs into the underground pasture where he cowers for a bit. Then he sneaks into the pantry. Oh well, time to abandon this fortress I figure. But what happens next nobody was expecting, least of all the goblins.

He proceeds to go absolutely apeshit on the goblins. Goblin and troll body parts are literally flying everywhere. In less than 30 seconds of run-time he killed 25 goblins and trolls and a large number of giant rats. The next few minutes are spent chasing off what's left of the siege. He single handedly defeated their entire army without suffering a scratch, however that's not quite the end of his story.

Dropping from 160'ish dwarves to 50-something obviously takes its toll on the psyche of those who remain. Corpses of lost friends and family are everywhere. Death and decay is spread floor to ceiling. It's in the well. There are even bodies in the mining tunnels. During the ensuing months I lose another 20 odd dwarves who are driven to insanity and melancholy from living in this hell. I'm now at 33 dwarves and the stench of corpses too numerous to be hauled to the surface refuse pile, much less buried, fills the fortress.

Throughout this time, McLegendary just doesn't give a shit. He's been perfectly content. Apparently he lost his young wife and infant son in the siege, and after going berserk on the goblins he's now completely dead inside. Stepping over corpses to get to bed? No problem. Miasma floating in the hallways? Smells like victory. Best friend the legendary weaponsmith throwing a tantrum nearby? Off with his head.

He is now a merciless goblin (or dwarf, if necessary) killing machine. Incapable of remorse or sorrow. Some say he'll never die. Others say he already is.
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DisgruntledPeasant

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2012, 07:41:31 pm »

S.C.P.

Might I suggest sealing away the unholy creation (and its creator) within a secure facility? something tells me a pick made from the infant child of its creator has got to have some fucked up evil intent.
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Sprin

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2012, 07:47:47 pm »

I was there and said the same thing!!
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The Mad Doctor returns in Necrothreat II!
Quote from: Sprin
I barly did any thing and the fortress was unsalvageable after me playing 20 minuits due to severed hands! (I think Im cursed  )

Quote from: Karnewarrior
"No, don't try to find a doctor or find out why you're in a hospital bed with a neck injury the night /after you had a "dream" you slit your throat/, no, eat the fucking chocolate."[/quote

Corai

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2012, 07:51:09 pm »

S.C.P.

Might I suggest sealing away the unholy creation (and its creator) within a secure facility? something tells me a pick made from the infant child of its creator has got to have some fucked up evil intent.

Lock it away, A.S.A.P
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GoombaGeek

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2012, 07:59:12 pm »

This is, from now on, The One Pick and the only digging implement anyone can ever use to mine adamantine. Urist McMiner fall into magma sea and melt to death? Too fucking bad, you're draining that shit and recovering the dead baby pick if you ever want to see candy again.
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Sutremaine

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2012, 08:00:07 pm »

Lock her in a room with the pick, and then make her a miner so she uses that particular one. You find miners more useful than babies, right?
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Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

GenJeFT

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2012, 09:44:42 pm »

What would happen if a necromancer saw the pick?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Casp

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2012, 10:02:31 pm »

WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET ENOUGH BABY FOR A PICKAXE? THERE ISN'T ENOUGH BABY.

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WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET ENOUGH BABY FOR A PICKAXE? THERE ISN'T ENOUGH BABY.

herrbdog

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Re: All was well until Casey McAnthony showed up
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2012, 10:21:23 pm »

holy fucking dwarf, batman.

thanks, op. i was lolling at the story so people on the bus were looking at me. and you dont know how bad i wanted to tell them your tale. but i think the men in white coats would take me off the bus to cook county...
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