First time in a Terrifying embark.
I've heard the stories. But what's it really like? This is valuable practice for my turn in Crossedhorns, although it's not in Suika Fortress.
I'm also using my tiny tileset so get those retinas ready for...Bronzebow.
~~~~~~~~~~Cilob Astilush, Record-Keeper and Overall Stuff Manager's Diary
what's wrong with this place
I was almost so in despair that I didn't put the apostrophe in "what's". But that's lazy grammar. And having the cat who accompanied you through a three-month journey get sucked into a fucking ash cloud
and turning into a zombie
is no excuse for lazy grammar! Ha. Fuck.
Bronzebow. We were supposed to bring back metals so that our poor families back home can fend off the goblins. Well, fuck them. Fuck them all to hell. No, fuck them all to here
Mosquitoes. No. A giant mosquito. I fucking hate mosquitoes.
Well, I said. Yes. I can handle a giant fucking mosquito. We brought two hammerdwarves. They can kill a giant fucking bug.
Then the clouds. Ha. When we first got there, I said. Yeah, I said "Why is this grass covered in ash? Why is it?". Because "The last forest fire was a couple years ago". Yeah. Where'd the fucking ash come from?
The sun got covered up. Normally, I'd be the happiest fucking dwarf on the planet if it got a little dimmer and easier on my eyes, but no. It's a giant cloud. Of yellow fucking ash. And so I say "Well, it's ash. Fuck." Fuck! Then the giant fucking mosquito buzzes right into that fucking cloud and DROPS DEAD. ON THE SPOT. Things sure are fucking different now, bastards! Everyone rushes into the hallway we dug last week, and the damned fucking thing misses us by about two fucking meters. The casualty was my cat. My favorite cat. It wasn't my pet, but we were probably meant for each other. Then the fucking giant mosquito starts twitching.
"Mosquitoes twitch when you kill them normally, Cilob! Stop complaining!" says that fucking twat Thikut. Well, he turns out to be a fucking dumbass. I knew it. So this giant FUCKING MOSQUITO gets up, covered with this instant you just plain fucking die ash, and buzzes off to whatever goddamn sphincter it crawled out of. Then the cat gets up, too. Its heart falls out through its chest cavity. The way it oozed isn't the thing I'd like to forget most, but it's probably in the top fucking six. No, seven. Fuck! And there was also a fucking zombie rabbit but who the fuck cares about fucking rabbits?!
The cat begins lurching towards us. My cat. My buddy cat guy. Or was it a girl cat? Damn! Now, Urdim is almost done the drawbridge to seal us the fuck off from this hellhole filled with zombie mosquitoes and giant clouds of doom, but he's still hauling a huge fucking boulder up the stairs. So we send the military.
Olin and Litast grab their copper hammers. I'll never forget the look in their eyes. Maybe they were more fucking terrified than I was. Now I'm messing up the tenses! Ha! No, this happenED in the past. But it's still happening. They rush towards this cat, and swing. It blocks their hammer strikes effortlessly. I mean, fuck! It's a fucking cat! It's not about strength, because Litast is burly as fuck! And this cat blocked it! Its arm didn't budge an inch! And it kept going. But hell, it's still a cat. It was too small to do much damage and ran off. It didn't meow anymore. They had probably crushed its throat.
The momentary break gives us a chance to unload the shit from the caravan and seal ourselves off forever. This goes very well until the giant fucking mosquito comes buzzing in from the very pits of hell itself, glittering ash cascading off its wings. That sounds gay. It's not. It's fucking terrifying. And it jabs its pointy hell-pointy-thing into Thikut and he stops moving. Then a fucking hamster man comes and punches straight through his heart. A HAMSTER MAN. I used to have a hamster as a kid. Apparently the man version isn't fucking around. Well, we get the fuck out of there. Up goes the bridge and in go us! Urist the Mad said that the dead come back to life here, before he died of acute brain failure caused by fifty fucking pounds of steel to the face. Our hammerer didn't fuck around when it comes to insane babblings instead of mandates being fulfilled. If Thikut does come back, I want to fucking be there so I can slap him in the fucking face until he pisses his undead panties. And before we can close the bridge, the ash cat comes pouncing in.
Olin isn't fucking around this time. He knows it'll take more punishment than a BDSM expo in a tornado made out of serrated blades. So he hits it until the head is mush. Then he hits the body until it's got a soupy texture too. When he's done, it doesn't look like a cat. It looks like a fucking meat puddle. We really need to get rid of it. If it reanimates too, it's going to have fun flopping around everywhere. It left its entire jaw inside, and we're really hoping there's not enough ash on it to get us, too.
Now, this is a journal, and it's really fucking well-hidden. So to the poor sod who finds this, I leave a final note:
Fuck you! If you're agonizingly dying of starvation while your undead friends are banging on that beautiful gneiss drawbridge outside, then I hope you know that I probably died first, and I bet I did it way classier than you. Hell, pull that fucking lever. If you dare. Twat.
Oh, this is fun. This is very fun.